


Don't Say Goodbye To Me... - 1. Book

by fffan201



Category: Take That (Band)
Genre: Angst, Creamcakes, Danger, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Tragedy, barlliams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2018-12-30 11:02:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 71,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12107325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fffan201/pseuds/fffan201
Summary: In the Name of God, what is only wrong with Gary? From today to tomorrow, he is suddenly interchanged and behaves extremely oddly to his friends. At first he could not be happier, but the next day the Take That singer came over as if he had only one day to live, and after another 24 hours, Gary was only a shadow of his own.... If you want to know what's going on with Gary and if the rest of the guys manage to get him out of a very dark hole, you'll have to stick to this story.    ;-)(The few adult contents that occur are described only roughly and it just happens.)





	1. Nobody Knows What I'm Going Through

As the sun sent her last warm rays to the earth, and a lukewarm summer evening slowly sloped towards the end, the cloudless sky shone in the most beautiful blue he could offer. After five long and prolonged rainy days, had the god of weather finally turned out to be gracious and allowed the United Kingdom to take a longer rest. Meanwhile, the birds flew cheerfully, still chirping through the area and gave the evening a harmonious ending. But what was disturbed at the height of thirty-nine thousand feet occasionally by a passing airplane and thus caused with a feeling of wanderlust. Someone enjoyed this peacefulness while others wanted to be just at this moment somewhere abroad where one was normally planning his vacation.

At this late hour, the five guys around Take That were still in their own studio and tried to make a joint and new album. This attempt, especially today proved to be a difficult one. Until yesterday, everything went quite harmoniously and in perfect mood. Nothing had pointed out that pitch-black clouds could slowly appear on the horizon, which would give some tension and friction below the band members. Clear. With such a process, there were also certain differences of opinion preprogrammed, which could ultimately lead to an unsightly dispute. But in this case it was somehow different. There was more an extremely tense and cold silence among each other, than any chant who should now act as the lead-singer. This tension was hard to bear, and the icy silence could be cut through with a dull knife.

None of the friends really knew how it could get so much tension at all and so they had to deal with their difficulties with it. Thereby three different groups had formed, each sitting in a corner. While Howard had joined Jason and Mark with Robbie, Gary was sitting alone. With a blank look, the latter stared at the floor and was sunk in his thoughts. Already the whole day he had been remarkably quiet and had not only confused the others with this behavior, but also inadvertently pulled down. Frequently, his friends had tried to make him talk, but Gary kept himself covered all the time. When he spoke, then only the most necessary, and at least produced some ideas which, from his point of view, could only come to fruition for the new album. But now the four had given up. As soon as Gary switched to stubbornness, he could no longer be dissuaded. It was then completely useless. In addition, he had managed to make all of them too worthless extras. What in God's name was only going with him? They had never seen him before. This frightening silence with which he gave himself today didn’t mean anything good. With the hope that the next day could be better and he finally told them what was wrong with him, the friends slowly went home. After Mark and Robbie were the first, Howard and Jason did the same for them after half an hour. When the last two were gone, only a single Gary remained.

 

As soon as the door had fallen into the lock a second time, Gary remained in his usual position for an additional hour, until he once inhaled deeply. With a glance through the empty space, he only now realized that his friends had already left, leaving him alone. Then the question arose, how late it was, and so he glanced at his watch. It was shortly before eleven. So it was already dark outside, where he was about to see his own home. In spite of this late hour and the almost finished day, he felt no great desire to go home. Why should he? His wife Dawn and their children were not there anyway. There he could stay well and possibly stay here. No one would notice it. Or perhaps even so. Depending on, whether he was asleep. In the end, he decided to go home. For possible explanations, he was guilty of his friends, but if he could survive them, he would have a different question. No. He preferred to go home, where only a terrible yawning and immense emptiness took him.

After another five or ten minutes, Gary was finally able to pull himself up, and since he was the last, he was now all equipment, as well as to turn off the light and, of course, not to forget to close the doors. When all this had been done, he turned round on all sides, feverishly thinking where he had parked his car at this morning. By a flash of lightning, he became aware of it shortly afterwards, and then, with his hands, buried himself deeply in his trouser pockets and lost his thoughts in the direction of his car.

Walking past a dark alley, Gary was suddenly grabbed from behind and dragged into the said black hole, trying to free himself out of the grip of the mysterious stranger. But that was something that wasn’t granted him in the least. While an ice-cold hand lay on his mouth, stifling every conceivable cry for help in the bud, Gary was dragged further into the alley where a completely new darkness called him welcome. It was so dark that you couldn’t even see your own hand in front of your eyes. As the moon did not show up tonight, Gary had no chance to throw a vague look at his attacker. Like this guy was just behind him. But even if there had been a full moon, he would be able to prevent it somehow.  
With all his strength that he could muster under these conditions, Gary still tried to get rid of this guy. In vain. This was just too strong for him. He was powerless against him. But then, when Gary's hand changed, and his mouth closed, Gary immediately came to mind that this was his last chance to get rid of this madman. He had to try a trial. Who knows what he was up to and this was something that Gary didn’t even want to imagine. Every conceivable scene arose before his mind's eye, the one worse than the previous one. No. So he started a desperate escape attempt by pushing away from his attacker with all his might and running as far as it went. But unfortunately his imagined calculation didn’t work. It was not that simple.

In addition, his attacker had already counted with something and so he reacted also immediately accordingly. Thanks to his speedy reaction, he instantly grabbed Gary's arm and shot him through it painfully. Whereupon Gary gave a painful scream and was thus forced to stand still. Shortly afterwards, he was pressed against a wall and tried to withstand the persistent pain somehow. Unsuccessful. A bulging shoulder hurts now times uncommonly and shouldn’t remain untreated. If this is not reinvested, complications could occur which lead to circulatory disorders, nerve damage with sensory disturbances.

"What ...what do you want from me?" Gary wanted to know with a thin, brittle voice in pain what this actually was.  
"Nothing. I just want you! My sweet one! " Breathed the stranger with a deep and icy cold voice.

As soon as Gary felt his hot and stinking breath in his neck, the icy chill came over him in his whole life, which ran over his back. The resultant and subsequent side effect was that all of his neck hair was immediately set. Even though it was not necessary any more, this mysterious stranger pushed him a knee in the back and while he was only held with one hand, Gary felt a sharp pain on his neck. Something was about to bite into his flesh, leaving an unpleasant, painful and hot feeling on his skin. Despite the many thoughts that were around his brain cells and thus robbed him of his mind, he knew that it was only an injection. This guy must have injected him something. What it was, Gary couldn’t say with the best will in the world. But one thing he knew for sure, it was nothing good. For at that moment he sank to the ground completely without power, and lay there with his eyes open. Although Gary's mind had normalized again with this injection, and so he knew everything around him, he couldn’t even make the slightest movement. He was paralyzed. His body could no longer receive any signals, and so he was completely defenseless to this stranger. The feeling of the fear that he had been plaguing him for a long time was instantly panicked as the stranger trotted on his trousers and pulled him all the clothes in one go. 

What came then, Gary would not have dreamed in his worst nightmares. With full consciousness and without any chance of a counter-attack, …he had to go through a rape about himself! Immediately a feeling of disgust and shame came upon him, and he fell into a deep emptiness. Eventually, this emptiness filled his entire body, whereupon he lost all relation to reality. Although he could still see every hard and piercing shock, he was always given back a bit of reality. He couldn’t quite escape it. Even an escape into his fantasy world was futile. Gary would want to close his eyes, to get at least some dignity, but by the muscle blocker or whatever that was, he couldn’t even that. So he was forced to have to go through this rape with aggravated senses. Inwardly he hoped that this terrible thing would come to an end. 

But what was not the case. For Gary, who had lost his sense of time by this terrible act, this torture lasted all eternity. After at least one felt half night, his tormentor finally turned away from him and then disappeared quietly and just as quickly into the darkness as this one had come. So Gary was simply left behind like a piece of filth in this goddamned alley. With his pants down, he lay there and stared with a blankly glance into the darkness. Although it was finally over, Gary could not easily forget this, and in front of his mental eye, he had to watch as he was raped. This fear-giving, embarrassing, disgusting, humiliating, and frightening experience was still unhappily fixed in a permanent loop. The image of a faceless stranger and his own person had burned on forever in his brain. Every time he closed his eyes, he had this picture before him.

As the effect of this muscle block had now subsided, an inner coldness of ice rose accordingly, causing his tortured body to tremble. In order to escape somehow, Gary, despite his immense pain, tried to roll up into a ball and cry bitterly. All this was clearly too much for him. After last night he thought it couldn't get any worse ...and yet it had happened. Now his injured soul had received more than a deep tear. There was indeed a ravine, where not even the reason could be made out. With tears in his eyes and pain, he found himself after a three-quarter-hour, completely exhausted and with the nerves in the end, finally the way in a dreamless sleep.


	2. Cos I Don't Need Helping Hand And Don't Want Sympathy

The hours passed. After an estimated two three hours, a silver strip appeared on the eastern horizon and announced a brand new day. So it wouldn’t be long before the sun showed its warm face and brought the light of the earth to England. In the still deep blue skies there were isolated white clouds that wandered the country undisturbed and had no knowledge of any limits. The bad weather of a few days ago was forgotten. Except for a few puddles that were still stubborn, nothing reminded him. What came to the one or the other bird but a good morning bath. Through the rising sun, the color of the sky changed visibly and seemed to make a perfect day out.

One day, which wasn’t made perfect, however, for everybody. While it invited for one to dream, it resembled for the other more than one scenario from the cabinet of the horror. To the latter group, this nightmare started for that special someone but just really there. 

 

As the sun took its final place and filled the surrounding air with its warmth, Gary awoke from a non-restful sleep. That night wasn’t only disastrous, but also damn short. It was to be expected that the awakening brought about certain problems. Gary was no longer the youngest and was to sleep on the hard and cold ground, was not exactly the truth. But the pain with which he woke up didn’t come from the back. Beside those in his head and abdomen, his right arm ached especially for him. After putting his left hand on his right shoulder, he felt immediately that something was wrong. His shoulder felt like he was missing something, and on the other hand, he couldn’t even see his own hand at the point. To get a better impression of all this, Gary opened his eyes timidly and tried to get used to the much too bright daylight. But what didn’t happen to him with his headache. Still, he wanted to look at his shoulder. But before he got to it, he realized that he was lying down in a goddamn alley with his down-drilled dress. Immediately the question arose, what had to mean that again. What had just happened in God's name was that he landed in a stinking alley under hellish pain and with his pants down. This one question occupied him so much that he left his original project. Feverishly, he looked for a possible explanation, but could not think clearly because of his headache. As Gary didn’t come to any conclusion, he glanced at his shoulder. With a raised head and a short glance, he realized immediately that it was out of control.

"God!" Gary groaned from the sight and let his heavy head sink back to the ground.

Loud breathing, he lay just there, and while Gary asked himself how he had done this, he tried to bear all the pain somehow. What had happened in the past night? Had he drunk about the thirst, dragged a woman, and then had a rendezvous with her in this alley? Gary couldn’t imagine it. On the one hand, this theory could have something to do with it, but on the other hand it was quite a bit off the mark. Clear. If he was drunk, he would be very odd doing things that would have an extremely high entertainment value for others. But in his opinion, he had never seen anything like this before. In the nineties he had had several one-night stands, but he had experienced this most consciously. No. There had to be something else behind it.

As he continued to think about it, he suddenly felt something worse than it had been for a long time. An bad-tasting wave came over him and had to begin to choke. After ten seconds, he could do nothing but to vomit. As soon as the first wave was over and he carried some of his stomach out, the next followed immediately. It was definitely about half an hour, when he finally felt that this nausea had finally passed and thus ended for the time being. Although he had now got rid of all bad-tasting innards and so barfed half stomach, he felt still bad. Whereupon itself in him the need after a hot shower always was louder. Not only on the fact that he had spent half the night here in a stinking alley, but much more because this filthy feeling had manifested inside him and thus demanded a thorough wash. In order to get this, he had to pull up all the pants again and then fight on his extremely wobbly legs. The latter, however, turned out to be a difficult undertaking. With only one working side, he could perhaps still just and so only with much trouble and need to put the pants again.

 

But when he got up, he had obvious problems. Again and again he fell back on the hard-hitting ground, which did not go without pain. His muscles felt like this from stiff to that it was already not normal. If Gary didn’t want to stay in this filthy hole anymore, he had to watch him get back on his legs. It was worth it. Thus, with the help of the opposite wall of the house, he slowly climbed up. As soon as he was in an upright position, Gary was threatened with the ground again. So that he didn’t become a victim of the attraction again, he leaned against the wall of the house, so that only his left shoulder and back half of the body were upright and thus held him upright. Since this action required a lot of power, he closed his eyes for a moment and tried to get them back somehow, with the help of the ever-warmer air. 

After a felt eternity, Gary dared a cautious attempt to figure out how solidly his stand was gradually becoming actual. In contrast to before, where he had definitely no one, it now nevertheless again. Although he was still a bit wobbly on his legs, but with a helping wall nearby, it was not a problem. Always with one hand on the house facade, he finally took small steps on the way back. As he was only a step away from leaving this alley, not knowing what to do, he throws a cautious glance in all directions. Should he enjoy the shower now at home or rather use the top in the studio? After all, they had exactly one for such emergencies one built in the bathroom. Why leave this unused when the possibility existed? Since he no longer wanted to feel dirty, he decided to finally inaugurate this time. Looking at his watch, he told him that he had enough time before the first of his friends had to come in here.

 

After a good quarter of an hour, Gary was finally under the hot shower, which should really do him good. But this feeling was not easy to adjust. This filthy feeling, which, still clung to him and did not let him go, continued to persist persistently. There he could stay under the shower for as long as he liked, it would give him no improvement. Not even a bit. As the hot water fell on his naked body, he leaned against the blue-green tile wall with his eyes closed and tried to persuade himself that this was going to happen again. Perhaps it helped if he distracted himself with his favorite occupation. Make music. Sometimes such a thing caused miracles. This only hope remained in him, and resembled a small spark in the eternal darkness with which he found his way back into the brightness. ...At least as long as there was no air coming out of nowhere and blowing it out with his cold breath.

Almost half an hour later, Gary dripped from the shower, dripping with a hand before he covered some fresh clothes. His clothes that he had previously used, he had just once without a batting twitch. If he put these on again, he would feel as if he were on fire. For him, it was like pouring oil into the fire and further intensifying his inner dirty feeling. Apart from that, he had to cut off his shirt to get out of it at all. It wasn’t quite the truth to torture him under violent pain from the shirt, and he could also aggravate his injury unnecessarily. What he didn’t plan. No. Gary preferred the pain-free variant by cutting himself out of his shirt. The fact that he had to disfigure his shirt and that it was ripe for the ton was something difficult for him. But he had had no other choice. Gary had also done it, among other things, since he knew that he had a few clothes here and could change them. So he could be very happy that he belonged to the sort of man, who was prepared for certain situations and thus had what there had. 

After getting his spare top, which was just a simple shirt and thus much easier to get in his condition, he stepped in front of the misty mirror and rubbed a spot so that he could look at his own person. The person who was looking at him had something familiar about him, but his own reflection was so terrifying that he did not even recognize himself. This Gary was completely foreign to him. His sight was not really exhilarating. He seemed like a shadow of himself. The question arose from him, what had become of him. Somehow, his whole life was no longer what it was. Before his mind's eye an abyssal slit opened, where he could visualize his own case, and was thus swallowed up from the eternal darkness to all times. In addition, he had landed without any memory of the last night, in some goddamned and stinking alley. This ignorance of what had happened to him made him not only insane, but also chased Gary a pagan. What in God's name could have occurred only to the fact that he didn’t even have the smallest memory of the events? It was as if a pitch black and icy cold shadow hovered over him, threatening to destroy his person once and for all. Was this the beginning of his provisional end? 

With a heavy breath, Gary stared at his now hated reflection and hoped that someone would come to free him from his indifference. But what initially did not happen. It was only when he heard the sound of a falling door into the lock that he finally managed to get rid of this stupid duel. Loudly, he closed his eyes for a moment and thanked the one with his thought that he had taken him out of this inter-human condition. Whereby, Gary could already guess at whom he had to thank. Of his four friends, Jason was now the more punctual, and there was a high probability that he had to be. After throwing a short and quick look at the bathroom door, Gary could just as easily open his still-open shirt on the fast as he could with one hand, and then, after a few minutes, stepped out into the corridor with mixed feelings.

 

Immediately he was confronted with clanking noises, which clearly came out of the kitchen and thus drew Gary into its spell. As soon as Gary was only a few steps away from entering the room, he felt the sudden urge not to seek out the company of his friend. Somehow he felt something like a kind of shame rising in his self, when he was thinking about his own eyes. He stopped abruptly with his breath, and so he didn’t suffer a collapse, he quickly leaned against the wall to keep his stand somehow. Silently and with his eyes closed, he tried to swallow this feeling under aggravated breathing. But what reason did he have to be ashamed of? That his subconscious mind wanted to say something to him was as safe as the Amen in the church. What Gary was doing was not even the slightest thought. It just wasn’t. Still, he would like to know what was hidden behind this heavy and black curtain. However, this terrible mystery had already frightened him so much that he did not want to know. How was he to please his friends, without this feeling in his way? It was easy to despair. Now, Gary was deeply regretting that he had not been on his way home. He had to go through now. If he wanted to get out of here, then he had to pass the open kitchen and pass it unseen was almost impossible. Jason would surely see him one hundred percent. There was nothing left for him but to face this scary feeling. God, what sort of proverbial hell did he have to go through? His only hope was that all this was soon cleared up as quickly as possible, and it didn’t get any worse than it was in the moment.

Shortly after, Jason stepped out of the kitchen and almost got a heart attack from Gary's sudden appearance. He was so frightened of him that he himself took some steps backwards and collided with the door frame. With one hand on his chest and loudly breathing in and out, Jason tried to recover from his fright as well as he could. When he had a grip on himself, he gave Gary a slightly indignant look. 

"Bloody hell. Gaz. ...Do you have to scare me like that? You almost gave me a heart attack."  
"I'm sorry. ...That was not my intention," Gary said with a small smile.

Although Gary seemed to have a hard time putting the words over his lips, he was serious. He didn’t want to frighten Jason. Why should he? What had he got out of it? Nothing. He couldn’t even imagine how his possible reaction might look. If he were at Jason's place now, he would probably be able to guarantee nothing. In order to avoid further conversations, he went straight into the direction of the common room and the heart of the studio. Where they could get together and put their ideas into practice.

As Gary went down to this room, Jason gave him a quick look, wondering what was going on with him. Since yesterday he had been rather strange. He had never seen him like this before. Whatever he had, it was not good for him to keep it for himself, and pull it all down in his whirlpool of madness. If Gary didn’t open soon, he could easily run the risk of getting another problem. Which, of course he didn’t wish him at all. But it couldn’t be avoided if he continued to the mute one.

No. Gary needed a friend more than urgently. The problem was, however, that he didn’t let anyone get involved. How could he find a wire to him, if he continued to say so wretchedly, and turned his back on all his friends? His yesterday's hope that there might be a slight improvement today had suddenly disappeared. Even with every step Gary did, and thus distant from him more and more, didn’t let Jason even the smallest spark arise. Added to this, Gary made a slightly disturbed impression on him today. ...That was new.  
No matter what problem Gary had to fight, he would’ve to know that they were behind him and would do anything to get some trouble out of the world. So far, they had managed to destroy any problem somehow. Why not the current Gary problem? It couldn’t be so bad, was it?

At that moment, Jason was only now aware that yesterday they had expected Gary to face something too much. From all sides, he really got the same question from everyone. They had attacked him so he could finally tell what was going on. As a result, Gary had no choice but to turn away from all and ignore them as much as possible. According to him, it would have been better for Gary, and certainly less obtrusive, if there had been a simple four-eye conversation, instead of the fact that they had all fallen upon him like vultures.  
On this late insight, Jason plagued a guilty conscience and gave him the feeling that he should quickly apologize to his friend. Just let him know that he no longer had to feel constricted by his friends.

 

"Hey, Gaz! Wait a moment."

But as Gary didn’t stop and his pace slowed, Jason tried to catch up with him and when he found himself at his side, he gently asked with a sensitive voice what was really on his mind.

"I know you cannot hear the question, but what's the matter with you?"

As expected, Gary continued to give the mute, leaving Jason's question open.

"Gaz. Please. Whatever you have, it will not get any better if you continue to silence it. ...But you should know that I am extremely sorry for myself and the other guys that we had attacked you yesterday.", Jason first wanted to apologize for her yesterday's behavior and then put Gary close that he should open someone, "If you don’t want to talk to us all, I can understand that. But please, do me the favor and speak with any person of your choice. I will not blame you if you prefer someone else than me."

After this little speech, Gary was still standing and since he knew that Jason knew something about the human psyche, he had at least patiently lent him an open ear. But he couldn’t warm up more. It just wasn’t. Even when Jason gave him a hand on his healthy shoulder for encouragement, he had emptied it. Actually, something like reservation didn’t know Gary at all, but suddenly he had some. This feeling was visibly unpleasant and uncertain. Since Gary didn’t know how to deal with it and opened a growing emptiness inside him, he closed his eyes for a moment. If he was lucky, as soon as he opened it again and thus went back to the bright side of life, he was able to say good-bye to this new territory. But to his suffering, the opposite occurred. While the emptiness persisted persistently and his uncertainty drew further circles, he was still on the unloved and lifeless shadows. It was as if this did not want to let go him anymore. So an icy cold grip lay around his outstretched arm to ensure that Gary did not take an escape attempt into consideration. This grip dragged him so much that a new wave of pain came up and chased through his body. Under a heavy breathing and a hand around his arm, he tried to endure it somehow and before Jason nothing to notice. But what couldn’t be avoided.

 

By this negative attitude toward him, in Jason a voice was expressed, which told him that with Gary more than something was wrong. With whatever Gary had to fight, it had to take him so much, that it gradually to its action. And this also made a slightly frightening impression on him. Gary's behavior gave him more reason to think, when he confessed to himself. As Gary apparently wasn’t able to tell him even a word what had happened to him, he strongly assumed that it had to be something serious.

Even his slightly pained face, he told him that he also struggled with a purely physical pain. So his gaze glanced from Gary's pallid and agonizing face to his arm, which he was tense and apparently hurt. What Jason hadn’t seen before, however, struck him now more than clearly that Gary's arm was completely limp and his right hand had an unhealthy skin color. Then, as his eyes were resting on his shoulder, he immediately recognized that this was dislocated.

"Lord of God, Gaz. Your arm is outspread. ...How on earth did you manage that?" Jason wanted to know instantly from his friend, how he had grown.

With his left shoulder shrug, Gary whispered that he didn’t know for himself. Jason looked at him then something incomprehensible and could imagine it was difficult to understand that he had the knowledge, how he had come to this painful injury. Because of the scarcely available normal rosy skin color, he asked Gary quickly as to his feelings. As Gary gave him a negative answer by shaking his head, and Jason pointed out the same, he let his friend know that he should visit immediately a doctor to let straighten this again. However, it could not be traversed in the conventional way. It wasn’t done with a simple vigorous jolt. This was clearly too late. Whether Gary wanted it or not, an operation he would already have over there. But to this well-intentioned suggestion, Gary closed his eyes and shook his head as if wildly. He muttered quietly to himself that he didn’t want that. With such a reaction, Jason had not expected now. It was so untypical for Gary, that Jason was gradually worried about him. Actually, Jason had reckoned with every other reaction, but not with this. What in God's name was only going with him? After he, as well as the others, had left him completely alone yesterday, something else had happened. But for what it could be, Jason couldn’t even think about it. Every single scenario he conceived was worse than the previous one.

"Gaz. I beg you sincerely, that you will go to the care of a doctor. Do you really know what that could mean to you if you don’t let yourself be treated?"  
"Please spare me with your boring lectures. Just leave me alone!" Gary tried to lend the last five words a firmer sound.

But it failed miserably.

"What happened to you since last night? I don’t recognize you again. Two days ago you were still in the best mood. Yesterday you were as gloomy as never before and today ...you seem like you were caught in a whole different world, where you scream out at any moment." Jason could only shake his head incomprehensibly and hoped for it from Gary to an explanation. 

What didn’t come, of course.

"I just want to help you. Whatever you have, we will find a solution together. Okay? You just have to let us know. We're always there for you," Jason tried once more to put a hand on his shoulder and offered help to his friend.  
"No. That ...that... you cannot. No one can do that." Gary cleverly dismissed him, denied any conceivable help that Jason could offer him, and stepped with a hasty step toward the common room.

He needed some distance.


	3. In The Darkness You Must Stand To The Cold

As soon as Gary had disappeared into the common room, Jason looked after him for a while and just didn’t understand why his friend did not even want to be helped. Just as he was, he needed it. Jason wanted to help Gary, but how could he do it, if this refused his help and thus did not accept even in the slightest. As Gary continued to cover himself with his problem, he had no choice but to have to look idly, as he was more and more distant from his friends. This development, Jason didn’t like at all. He had to do something for him. Even though Gary was currently avoiding his company, this didn’t mean that he was questioning a well-meaning service. With this thought, he went back to the kitchen and prepared an extra strong coffee for Gary. Judging from his appearance, he needed more than one urgent one.

A few minutes later, when Jason finished the coffee and stepped into the common room with a brewing cup, he looked at Gary thoroughly. The image, as he was with his eyes closed and his right arm, while he was almost sitting in a lying position on a couch, Jason shouted rightly to give Gary an encouraging and friendly embrace. But because of the previous aversion to him and that he did not want to expose him even more pain, he left it rather. So Jason faced the image of a miserable bunch called Gary, the cup with the coffee and left the room just as fast as he had come in here. 

 

In the same breath as Jason had made a big step out of the common room, the opposite door opened at the other end of the corridor, and the remaining three missing men entered the room laughing and almost as if they had been arranged. But when the three Jason discovered, their mutual friend looked at them with more than a worried and earnest expression, and so their laughter died instantly.

"How do you look? Did something happen?" It comes from Howard, who already got a bad feeling with his mimicry.

After Jason closed the door behind him, he could only get an almost whispering, "Guys. Kitchen.", over the lips. They were a bit surprised at this short comment, but then they did what they were asked to do. In the kitchen, Jason was standing in front of the window, taking a quick glance at each individual friend who had either sat on a chair or leaning against the wall, not knowing where to start.

"Can you finally tell us what is going on or are we supposed to just stupidly stand around here and wait until it is night?" Robbie was slightly impatient, who stood there with his arms crossed and leaned against the wall.  
"Gary." Jason started a little hesitantly, wrestling with the words, only to cut the main core of her subject. "Something is wrong with him."  
"What are you going to do? I mean, we all have already witnessed yesterday how Gaz had blown the day over more than just an affliction and didn’t even let him talk." Howard wanted Jason to finally get to the point.  
"I don’t know what happened to him overnight, but compared to yesterday, Gaz no longer seems to be the one we know him. ...He's like a substitute." Jason tried to make somehow close to his friends that Gary was obviously different from what he was used to.  
"Gaz is already here?" Mark wondered a bit about the obvious presence of his kinked friend and got an answer from Jason.

Normally, if Gary wasn’t quite on the high level, he would like to have a little time on such days, but he was still on the mat on the spot. Therefore, this fact was a bit unfamiliar and definitely new to the friends.

"He's like a substitute? ...In what way?" Howard wanted to know more closely and asked carefully how to imagine Gary's new behavior.

On this one question, Jason then gave the previous encounter with Gary to the best and let this know by the way that he was serious about their mutual friend. Howard and Mark were able to understand Jason's concerns very well, and he immediately agreed with him that something had to happen before Gary removed himself from them and became unattainable for the friends. However, Robbie didn’t feel as good. He wanted to meet his best buddy and give him the time he obviously needed.

"Oh my goodness... Is the hunt for Gaz now finally open, or what? As you said before, it was absolutely wrong for us yesterday, like the vultures to overthrow him. That’s the reason why he feels constrained by us. For this reason, he takes a step away from us now. It would not happen to me any other way. We shouldn’t make the mistake a second time and give Gary the chance that he first finds something to himself. Just twenty-four hours have passed. What's wrong with giving him some time? If you ask me, you're asking for too much of him."

"I understand what you mean, but Gaz looks like he needs a friend more than urgently. We cannot watch as he gets himself ready. Even his negative attitude from before, gives me great concern. ...Whatever his problem is, he should quickly tell someone and try to get this problem out of the world." Jason knew quite well what the youngest member of the band wanted to say to him and tried to open his eyes to Gary couldn’t always hide from reality, "Even if twenty-four hours have passed, he cannot and will not be able to keep up with his problem forever. In the long run, he only damages himself. ...We have to make him tell one of us."

On this very thoughtful speech, Robbie suddenly felt a feeling with which he did not even want to deal, and then said softly: "And what if, god forbid, Gaz in us will still die an undefined time of an incurable and fatal illness? ...Have you ever thought about that?"

In this theory, which wasn’t so completely absurd, Howard, Jason and Mark stiffened instantly, and could no longer turn their gaze from Robbie. Since none of them could even try to lose a single word about it, it became more than deadly within a fraction of a second. What would be the case if Robbie was right and Gary could still bless the time within this year? This one thought could be quite true and therefore what was frightening. No. That just couldn’t be true.

"Rob might be right. That would explain a lot." Mark broke the ice with his very thin voice.

Since the friends were aware that Gary had a deep-seated before dying, this explanation was more than plausible. All of the behavioral patterns that he had given up so far would clearly indicate this. Turning away to the people, who were close to him. The empty and no longer, life-threatening look. The kind of the sadness with which, he gave himself.

 

Having arrived in the common room, Gary dropped himself already equally groaning on the couch. With a hand he rubbed himself over the closed eyes and tried to stand anyhow the new pain wave in his arm as well as it was only possible to him. What helped the singer, however, only partly. On the other hand, this physical pain had something good. Thanks to the sorting function of the brain for pain, he registered only the strongest that is, the one in his arm, and thus displaced all the others, who at that moment inflicted all sorrow on him. Even those, who had spiritual origins. Because of this, his outstretched shoulder was at least not quite meaningless.

What a fucking week was it ...and this had begun completely harmless. That this would end in a fiasco wasn’t foreseen. Like the last weekend he had devoted himself to his family and the first three days of the new weeks, he gave himself to what he deserved his buns. To make a new album with his guys, who were like brothers for him. It was just a normal week. Where, everything should really run completely relaxed. 

But on the Wednesday evening, his contemplative life, through a bad news, got a deep crack. But to this day there was a gorge. However, Gary lacked at the current time the knowledge how deep this abyss, which stretched before his feet, really was. This memory gap made him more than anything else. What a devilish thing had happened in the past night that he should better forget it? But the way, how and where he woke up irritated him uncommonly. Sitting in a stinky alley and with his pants down, definitely had something disturbing. Just the thought of it, the filthy feeling came back into his mind and felt, therefore, immediately again the need, to have a shower immediately again.

Gary was just to think about it, when the door suddenly opened and Jason came in with a brewing cup of coffee. For a brief moment, this Gary had patterned inward and could no longer turn his gaze from him. He knew too well that his own vision was not exactly the truth. With eyes closed and holding his right arm, Gary sat back in the couch and giving himself the greatest effort to leave Jason a less bad impression. 

After Jason had put the strong caffeinated cup of coffee in front of him and had finally disappeared after half a minute, Gary continued to consider whether he should pursue the shower that had been conceived before. The feeling of having to shower again didn’t stop it. So this desire became steadily bigger and shouted Gary meanwhile rightly, to finally put this to an end. However, he didn’t feel the slightest desire to take off again and take a not even a helping hand shower. This filthy feeling would stick to him forever, no matter what he did. Even this inner coldness, which had been part of him since the previous day, continued to persist persistently, and Gary did not even give the slightest favor at last. In order to be able to recover at least a little better feeling of life, he first groaned in an upright position, took the cup with the strong coffee to himself and once sipped carefully. As soon as the hot liquid wetted his taste buds, he was torn off by the much too strong and bitter-tasting coffee from his indifference.

"Oh, my goodness." Gary could only produce after he finally managed to swallow this terrible moment.

Since he did not want to take another sip any more, Gary set the cup off again and tried to keep the effect of caffeine somehow. After all, for a moment, he was able to forget all the problems, but they caught him back faster than expected.

While Gary simply let his right arm hang and with the working side resting his elbow on his left thigh, he rubbed his tired eyes with one hand and trying to get rid of the last few days in the farthest corner of his brain. But every desperate attempt failed more than miserably. Up until the events of the previous night, the images that he had been struggling with for thirty-six hours before his mind were constantly flashing. How in God's name could he get rid of them without ever being reminded of them?

 

After an eternity that seemed like hours, even though the time had just passed by the seven eight minutes, the door was reopened and Gary's friends entered the room. Even if it didn’t bring much and his friends had to know better now, he tried his best not to be too desperately, while Gary pulling his hand from his face again and giving each of his friends a short and tired look. When Howard's slightly worried question arose, whether it would be better for him the day before, Gary didn’t keep waiting himself with an answer also long. Thanks for the interest, he gave Howard another short eye contact and let him know with a head shaking that it wasn’t so. Thereupon, Howard winked at him once again then settled down to the right of him and with little distance, on the couch. 

Howard had hardly taken his place beside him a feeling experienced never up to now climbed up in Gary what gave presently a mortal fear to him and brought, besides, on the edge of an abyss. An abyss, as deep as the universe was infinitely great. Thus, in the true sense of the word, there was more than a black hole in front of his feet. Not even the light had the slightest chance to set a small sign in this eternal darkness. As with a right black hole where the light of the earth was caught by the gravity and was simply devoured it waited only greedily to take up Gary in itself and to tear apart body slowly and agonizing. But as soon as to the felt loss of itself, the new-come reservation, the shame and the real fear of the uncertain still came those of the controlling loss, finally Gary’s world would break down. He was threatened with a life in absolute darkness, where the oppressive fear of his own shadow was continually on the back of his neck and was haunted by the most dreadful loneliness that could only be imagined. What kind of life would that be? ...Not worth living.

As long as Gary still had this control, there was also in him a tiny hope that something could change at any time. It was the only thing that just kept him upright. But by Howard's proximity, which gave him more than just a feeling of discomfort and his inner unrest rising steadily in immeasurable direction, his conservation drive trembled tremendously and was about to lose any control over his actions. But he didn’t want to be responsible. To avoid any possible misfortune and not have to fear a hopeless life in a black hole, Gary slid from his current place instantly to the other and free end of the couch beside him. On this over-hasty change, Gary closed his eyes for a brief moment, hoping that it would be done and that soon the desired improvement would take place. But what didn’t happen.

Instead of a regulation of the feeling that made him so insecure and brought him on the edge of a forthcoming panic attack, it was turned up by the still far too close Howard, slowly to the stop. Because he couldn’t stand the nearness of his good friend still a next second longer and to handle totally an over-reaction, he proceeded once more on his legs and visited therefore a new seat opportunity. He finally found this in a swivel chair that stood in front of the mixing console. After settling down and groaning, Gary dared, with his eyes closed, rubbing them with two fingers, at last a desperate attempt to finally say this dreadful feeling. With the new and in his opinion acceptable distance to each one of his friends, he could actually find a little rest in this disaster.

All the many worried and questioning glances of his friends, who drilled him at this moment, he couldn’t blame them because of his slightly disturbed and hasty seat change. For a second, Gary was seriously thinking about whether he should not tell his friends what was wrong with him. But he quickly rejected this idea. Somehow he couldn’t. For this he lacked the necessary strength, so that he did not burst into tears immediately before all the friends. True, Gary wasn’t ashamed of his tears, but as soon as he brought up his life-changing story and thus had to face the unwelcome truth, he would lose more than just his composure. What he had been able to do was somehow good luck.

 

Although Gary was not currently approachable and apparently caught in a different world, Howard couldn’t let himself be taken to ask in the round where they had left yesterday. Then, for a brief moment, he was only questioned by his other three friends, until all the glances of her companion Gary rested. His sight was now really simply frightening and alarmingly at the same time. He looked as if he had never been before. It was a picture that they will not forget so quickly. On the one hand, they could understand Gary, which he felt constrained by and thus sought for some distance, but on the other side, one came across the absolute lack of understanding why he didn’t communicate. For if Robbie was right with his highly compelling theory they had a right to know it. Gary couldn’t say good-bye to his band mates and friends without losing a word about his possible death. No. He was not allowed to consider and do so. So it was best to take Robbie's suggestion to heart and give their friend a few more days so he could resign himself to the still too fresh fright message. For a brief moment, one even considered whether one couldn’t be surmised by a vague attempt at Dawn to prove this theory. But since none of the friends not remembered sometimes in the dream to deceive Gary in any manner, this idea was also rejected immediately again. That didn’t come into question at all. So they were hoping that their friend would come to their senses as soon as possible and open.

It was only after ten long minutes that Gary finally showed an emotion as he turned to the mixing console and played what they had already recorded. As soon as the first track came out of the high-quality music boxes, the four guys were already discussing what could be changed or left this piece better than it already was. To release itself from all discussions, Gary turned the back towards his friends completely and while he supported himself with the elbow on the mixing console and his too heavy head in a hand, he allowed putting into action the proposals perceived with an ear of his friends immediately. Even if Gary did not participate in the discussion and only served the mixing console, this somewhat awkward operation at first proceeded quite well. But after less than an hour, Gary often closed his eyes and so he tried to concentrate convulsively on the voices of his friends. But what made him more difficult for me every minute. The sudden tiredness overwhelmed him so much that the voices were hardly perceptible within a short time. It also happened that Gary nodded several times for several seconds. In the process, the image of a faceless man came to Gary every time he felt threatened. The nearer he came, the more he could feel his stinking and hot breath in his neck, and left behind in Gary's interior, more than just an unpleasant cold. In addition, the feeling, too dirty, came back to him. 

Half asleep, Gary asked himself what his sub-consciousness meant to say to him. What's the matter with this guy? Could it be that this had to do with his memory gap? Gary didn’t know why, but this faceless fellow triggered an infernal death in him so that his heart instantly struck him hard and painfully against his chest and breathed on him as well. Shortly thereafter, he was suddenly seized by his fellow and while his giant arm drove a giant tortoise, he was haunted by a series of different images that had obviously occurred the previous night. 

The sudden attack. 

How it came about that he had kicked out his shoulder. 

The syringe, with the muscle block. 

...The rape!

On these frightening pictures, Gary now understood why he did not have a memory until a second ago. Out of self-protection, his brain had just snapped the light out of him, so he wouldn’t witness again how this faceless fellow raped him. But now that the curtain had been aired and with the probably brightest spotlight that there was, this real act of horror was illuminated down to the slightest angle, he had this shameful, disgusting, humiliating and unworthy scenario constantly before his eyes. This image triggered in him all the fears. Above all, the touch and that could lead to a possible repetition. At the thought of how he was roughly grabbed by this faceless stranger on the shoulder to be raped again, he really felt a hand on his outstretched arm in reality. As Gary didn’t want to do this again, he shrieked with the words, "Don’t touch me!", screaming and gave the guy behind him a fist in the middle of the face. That he had thrown one of his best friends on the ground, he unfortunately perceived far too late.

 

After Gary was drifted over and over again in world of the micro sleep and therefore at least some sleep to make up, therefore, he had also put sometime the service of the mixing console. What led to the fact that he did not react to the proposals of his friends at all. For this reason, Gary was often asked whether he could not finally accept and implement the one proposed ideas. A reaction on the part of Gary was missing furthermore. Staying in the same position, Gary still sat with his back to his friends and seemed, from the first impression, to ignore them somehow. No one wanted to get close to Gary, but someone had to do it to get him out of his apparent indifference. So Robbie went voluntarily into the lion's den and wanted to start a small attempt to help his friend back into reality. But he secretly asked himself why he did it at all. Finally, they had united possibly one hour ago unanimously to give the rest to Gary as much as possible which he needed apparently more than urgently. Due to the smooth process and the fact that they were recording well with their recordings, one wanted to keep this process up to date. When Robbie had arrived at Gary's side, he realized that the man had closed his eyes and had obviously fallen asleep. Since he didn’t want to bring his mate to his well-earned sleep, he left it there and while he carefully put a hand on the outstretched shoulder, he finally actuated one of the countless regulators themselves to filter out the desired effect. ...Whereupon itself in the fraction of one second all events skipped. 

So Robbie landed on the ground with ringing ears and a very painful face, and remained lying there for few minutes unconsciously. The next events, how sound-shouting and hurrying over Mark itself with it on his side transferred or how Howard and Jason properly pounced on Gary and loudly put him to the speech, remained for Robbie in secrecy. He didn’t get anything like this. 

While Gary had to resign himself to several insult triads, he tried to realize with quickened respiration and an unstoppable too painful heartbeat what had just happened there. What had he only done? Only when he wanted to bring himself to his low-spirited friend on distance and these still on the ground lie and his still clenched left fist where the ankles knows came out, saw, it became conscious by him. All thoughts to those he was still able at the moment, her circles moved unflustered and did not give to Gary sometimes the slightest chance to be able to order this anyhow. To get a clear idea was simply not in this state. It was impossible. He always saw the pictures before him, as he had brought Robbie to the ground not even a second ago, as this faceless stranger silently laughed at him during a rape and how ...! No. This spin in his head made everything all the more intolerable. There also there arose a feeling of sickness which he had never experienced thus. Spasmodically he swallowed it down again and hoped by the way that it also remained down. In vain. Within a few seconds, this feeling rose again and Gary was already starting to choke. To stop this madness, he had to get out of here as quickly as possible.

As this feeling of sickness to him, but threatening to get rid of him in one fell swoop, Gary tried everything so he would keep it for himself. He fought with all his might to prevent this. But Gary knew that he couldn’t win this fight. It will definitely happen. No question. Only, at that moment, he was not even able to move his body out of the local building. Even his vacant gaze which, was still fixed on the down-stretched Robbie, he couldn’t even turn away from his friend. He was at the mercy of this blockade. As long as he was exposed to this, the danger arose that he gave himself up here before the assembled team. Which, of course he didn’t mind, because he wanted to spare his friends this sight. ...The whole thing was the purest nightmare.

Because the insult triads of Howard and Jason had still not come to an end and therefore on Gary like a thunderstorm came down, he stood there motionless in this storm, making a seemingly indifferent impression on his two friends, which was completely misunderstood. Out of this misunderstanding, Howard Gary suddenly grabbed the collar and wanted to finally have the answers from this. He also demanded that he should explain himself as soon as possible.

By Howards sudden nearness and how this him with sparkling eyes properly pierced, Garys fear grew to a completely new dimension. Gary did not know why, but somehow Howard looked so threatening to him as never before. To the abundance, he was haunted by a hallucination that had it in itself. The otherwise humorous, playful and familiar facial features of his friend faded into the groundless until this man mutated into a faceless person. In spite of a missing mouth, he still heard his deep voice, to him with the choice of words, „I want only you. …My sweet one!“ a deep-seated existential fear released. Panic rose. Now, he wouldn’t become possibly…? To continue this one thought, Gary wasn’t able anyhow. But he had the picture for this before his eyes. How this perverse stranger did it before his friends. To get rid of this image as quickly as possible from his brain, he dared a last desperate attempt to rebel against this blockade. He was able to close his eyes at least, but through the darkness the picture took on such a strong intensity that it was no longer possible to forget it forever. A deletion was not feasible. Even the new portrait of Howard continued furthermore stubbornly and although Gary would have to know it better, he could endure his nearness no next second longer.


	4. Just Hold Me Close Inside Your Arms Tonight

Gary himself didn’t know how he had done this, but after screaming at his opponent that he should not touch him, he could somehow free himself from the stranger's grip, which was really a friend. Wherever the force needed came from, he was absolutely puzzling. But he didn’t care. The main thing was that he was leaving the building at the moment. As if in trance and with a tunnel view, he finally left the places, which gave him a good and secure feeling. But since yesterday he felt more and more narrowed by the four walls of his life. Yes, almost crushed. So he wondered how this feeling could come at all. Was it about the most precious loss in life that one could only have? ...It would be possible.

On this thought, he ran briefly for a few meters into the alley, where he had awoken a long time before and then supported himself with his left shoulder on the house facade. Not a second later, he had already allowed his nausea, which had already been much too long, to get up and thus surrendered. Breathing hard and with tears in his eyes, where a volatilized and rolled over his heated cheek, he brought to light his empty stomach. But since he had not eaten anything for at least twenty hours, this organ also hurt him. When he thought he had stuck all the contents of his digestive tract, not only his throat burned. If he didn’t know better, he would say smoothly that his entire body was on fire. The second shower, which had just been conceived, he now needed more than ever. He had already lost the fight with the miserable and probably clinging dirt on his body, but against this purgatory there was still a small chance to win it somehow. But if he didn’t want to break down here and go home on the road, he had to pull himself together. He just couldn’t fold. Although Gary had lost any forces and turned out therefore reaching to his car a heavy underpinned, nothing else remained to him, for the rest to try. Above all, he didn’t want to be found in a stinking alley by any passer-by or by his friends. This incentive led him to pull it right through.

 

At midday, a black Mercedes with darkened windows drove up the driveway to a huge estate and then stopped a few minutes before a building, where a tall man emerged shortly thereafter.

"You don’t have to wait, Chris. A feeling tells me that this might take some time. I’ll contact you, as soon as I want to go back again." He told to his driver, letting him know that he did not need his services so quickly.

After this Chris had given him an easy understandable nod, the man turned up on the heel and adjusted his sunglasses. On his way to the large and inviting doorstep, the gravel floor crunched under his feet with every step, leaving him to be more than just thoughtless for a very short moment. When he stood in front of the said door, he fished out of his trouser pocket the appropriate key and finally opened it. While the door slipped silently to the side, allowing him to enter, he took off the sunglasses and then entered with mixed feelings. First and foremost, because it wasn’t his own home. The fact that he had been handed over by a close friend to whom this gigantic estate belonged not so long ago a code for the below-mentioned gate and the necessary replacement key, gave of great trust ...and the two had once been a spider enemy.  
Somehow this was almost irony of fate.

The man smiled in himself. This one friend was really someone who couldn’t be long following. Although he had often publicly humiliated this and made it public, he had never lost a bad word about him. When two years ago it became known that they had again gathered together and mutually distorted each other, the resonances were great. At that time, nobody really thought it possible that the constant feud of the great Robbie Williams and the returned Take That front man Gary Barlow would come to an end. Not to mention that they could ever become real friends. Just because of this, Robbie had the feeling that he should help his friend in a bad situation. Robbie knew quite well that it was now a bit selfish, but he did it not only for himself, but also for Gary. Meanwhile Gary had become for him, like a firm size which he didn’t want to give anymore. For this he loved this man too much. To be honest, he had to thank him for his incredible career. Indeed, on his costs. Robbie had led the life, which was actually Gary thought. But after Gary's second solo album, a total flop and thus his musical career was completely put on the ice, he had nevertheless found in the private the very great happiness. Around the turn of the century he had married his longtime friend Dawn, with whom he had three children today. Actually, he could not be happier now. He had founded his own family, who loved Gary above all else. His musical career, which he itself always had desirably ...and of course also at last, the renewed friendship to Robbie.

As Robbie entered Gary's property, a feeling crept inside him that something was wrong. With every step he made in Gary's empire, the feeling grew. Somehow it was all too quiet here and he didn’t like it. Where were Dawn and the very lively children at all? In Robbie's eyes that was no longer normal. Okay, Dawn wasn’t exactly his biggest fan, which he knew all too well and somehow he couldn’t even take her offense, because after all, he had put his husband into a bad picture with his behavior. But Gary's children were so fond of him and especially, Daniel, the oldest one of them. Because of this ever more oppressive and eccentric calm, Robbie dared to call out "Hello?" but an echo, as expected, didn’t happen. Not even Gary, if he had ever made his way home, gave a little sign of life. If he didn’t know better, the entire Barlow family was like flying out. Now there was only a cold air scare and Robbie would then want to say, that even a crime might have occurred here. With this one hidden agenda in his head, he finally went on the great search for Gary.

Shortly after he had left the studio and Robbie came back to his senses, there was a heated discussion about what had happened in Gary and how it came to this overreaction. While Robbie stayed with his incurable illness in his theory, the other boys had already coined their own theory and then brought it to the man. And the one or the other had something to make sense. But no one could say how close or far away they were. Despite different opinions, they agreed that they had to look for him. Whatever Gary had done, he couldn’t get around him without reason. So it came about that the friends split up and thus in the search for their friend made. While Howard stayed in the studio, if Gary was still different think and coming back, Mark tried his luck with his mother and drove almost across the highway to Frodsham, Gary's birthplace where she still lived today. Jason, on the other hand, sought out the nearer surroundings, and it might well be possible that Gary had entrenched himself in some corner. After Robbie had let go, he wanted to try it at his home, he was just laughing at the others. Neither of them could imagine that he came to the estate of their mutual friend. When he opened them with a grin that he had got a code and a replacement key from Gary, they were all speechless. That Gary gave him so much confidence, they hadn’t thought despite their reconciliation.

Since this background story for Robbie was momentarily only secondary, he concentrated more on Gary finally to find. Certainly, he didn’t do anything rash. What he didn’t even believe. Gary would never have thought of killing himself. For that he simply loved life too much. No. It was just not his way.

After not finding him on the ground floor, Robbie rattled off the next floor. But this remained untraceable. But the longer the search for his friend lasted, the more he worried about him. Robbie wanted to find him at any cost, even if he had to travel around the world. His new friendship with Gary was just too important for him and he didn’t want to risk it either. In the past two years, he had become more than a friend to him. He loved Gary like a brother, whom he no longer wanted to miss. It was therefore impossible to think of abandonment.

As he entered the second floor, Robbie thought he heard a soft and steady sound. Was it about what he suspected? The sound of a shower? Had he actually found Gary? At once, thousands of thoughts shot through his head and was just trying to follow that sound. The certainty that Gary went well and he had done nothing to himself. He hurriedly stepped in the direction of the bathroom, where he suspected Gary.

A few moments later, he stood in Gary's bedroom and thus also in front of the locked door leading to the bathroom. Instead of rushing straight, as the Gauls did with the fortified Roman camps, Robbie hesitated for a moment. Where was the English custom when he went to the bathroom to a person, and he was still very naked under the shower? No. There he had to respect decency and at least be careful to ask if he could get back. After all, this was a place where absolute and knitted privacy prevailed.

A little hesitantly he knocked and tried to raise his voice against the showering noise: "Gary? Are you in there? If so, can I get my turn or should I wait until you're done?"

Except for the still regular rippling of the shower, which was not even regulated until it came to a standstill, an answer remained however. Nothing happened. This frightening silence that Gary had just reached out to him through the closed door meant nothing good. Presently, Robbie's concern turned into a deep-seated fear, which he had never felt so before, leaving his heart smooth for a stroke. All the thoughts were overshadowed and the image of an unconscious or perhaps even dead Gary, manifested itself more and more and didn’t let him go until he made sure that it was not so. In the sense waiting would be fatal. Robbie had no choice but to do it. With holding his breath, he held the door handle, and as he pushed it down and opened it for a small gap, he gently peered around the corner. Nothing! No Gary lay lifeless on the ground. At least not here in the front area. Due to the size of the bathroom, however, this picture could still be true.

"Gaz?" Robbie dared to ask a last and slightly desperate attempt at the presence of his friend in the room and began to breathe normally again.

There was no an answer. Slowly, the whole thing became more and more a pure rupture test for Robbie, where this only depended on the last thread of his patience. He couldn’t stand it for another second longer. So he hastened to walk the path to the shower in a few steps.

 

As soon as Robbie had passed the corner to the shower and crossed the entire bathroom, the shocking and terrifying image of a motionless Gary jumped into his face. Full-dressed and with angled legs, where his left arm was laid down and still his head rested, this one sat under a cold running shower. His right arm, on the other hand, only hung limply and lay on the white and cold tile floor in part, like a dead body part which he no longer needed and could thus be amputated. The sight hit Robbie like a blow. He had to stand, however, that this present one beat him more than all the many he had already felt for years. To see Gary now in such a way, hurt him really. He didn’t know yet what prompted him to seek his salvation under a cold shower, but his sight already showed him that Gary's world was more than just the doom. 

"Gaz?" Robbie whispered more to become Gary's attention.

After half an minute, Gary glared and slowly, looking half-opened, to the person who had obviously spoken to him. When he finally saw Robbie, Gary suddenly jumped up and crawled instantly to the next corner.

"Stay ...stay where you are. Please ...please don’t come too close." Gary asked Robbie to stay away, trying to give his voice a firmer sound.

But Gary failed miserably. Just as Robbie had been, he couldn’t bring more than a loud whisper and gave him a fearful look. Panic again arose. Not for fear that Robbie might come too close and possibly do something to him, but rather because he was again a victim of an unwanted overreaction. So he stared at Robbie anxiously and hoped that he would take his words to heart and not close to him.

Although he had asked his friend not to do so, he still stepped two three steps toward him, and when he was standing before the shower, Robbie went to his knees. Gary couldn’t prevent a tear from spreading out of one corner of his eye and rummaging over his cold cheek, as their eyes met from this nearness, but still quite acceptable distance.

"What in God's Name is only going wrong with you? Since we left you last night alone and have gone separate ways, you are like a substitute. Like, you only have one day to live. I ...I don’t recognize you anymore. What's the last night ever happened that you so suddenly going against us at a distance?" Robbie let herself in on a cautious attempt to figure out what had happened last night, thus causing Gary to have an infernal fear which clearly brought him to mind.

But as soon as Robbie came behind this dark and terrible secret, he would most likely regret this question.

"Gaz. …Please. You don’t have to tell it the whole world, only me. No matter what you're afraid of, you can trust me. I promise you also high and holy, no one to say. If you want, not even How, Jay or Mark. ...But you should know, no matter what comes, I’m always there for you. You are very important to me and I would really do anything for you. For this, our friendship is simply too valuable. ...I don’t want to lose you again!" 

Although Gary had long since turned his gaze away from Robbie and just stared into the void, Robbie couldn’t tell with certainty whether his words had actually penetrated him. To reach him yet, Robbie straightened and after he had stopped the water supply of the still running shower, he took a two more steps to Gary, where he then again knee before him. The sudden proximity and thus shrunken distance between them, Gary didn’t register at first. It was not until Robbie gave him a hand on his healthy shoulder that he was going to be back again and that he had nothing to fear from him, Gary broke out of his lethargy and shouted again that he shouldn’t touch him. As for the first time, he tried to get Robbie out of the way by beating him again. But by the low power and accuracy that Gary put in this time, Robbie was able to defend it, but lost his balance and landed on the wet ground. With a very wet feeling on his butt, he gave Gary an incomprehensible look and couldn’t keep up his initial care any longer. Although the second blow had not inflicted any further physical damage on him, this wild thing around Gary was now slowly becoming too much.

"Are you abandoned by all good spirits, or what? What the hell is wrong with you? You cannot get everyone close to you, knock to the ground without reason and scream that you shouldn’t touch. I swear to you, if you do this with me again, I'll hit you more than just a slap, and then we'll see if you can just as well take punches as you can." Robbie snapped at him suddenly and brought an approximate comparison Language, which could explain Gary's behavior at least in the beginning, "Do you know at all how you behave? Like ...one of these rape victims!"

When Robbie had said the last word, Gary's fearful, shameful gaze slid to the ground and his eyes closed for a moment, until he crawled under the shower again with aggravated breathing and then turned it up again. As the icy cold water fell on Gary and Robbie was able to save himself from the sudden masses of water, the former took up his previous position again and struggled apparently not to notice anything. To avoid any eye contact with Robbie, he put a hand on his eyes tightly to and was sobbing while once unintentionally loud. Shortly after, Gary apologized for his misconduct with a small voice and begging him to leave. 

"I’m ...I'm sorry. ...I ...I didn’t want to hit you. ...That just happened. Please. ...Please go before ...before I hit you again ...you should rather keep away from me and ...disappear. ...Please leave me alone. Go!"

 

After Robbie had to look with mixed feelings about how Gary had crawled under the shower once again and said that he should keep away from him, the following realization hit him like a blow. First he could and wanted to give to this realization no faith, but this would enlighten all the behavioral patterns that Gary had shown on this day.

The inaccessibility. 

The contact pressure. 

...The panic attacks.

With it also was more than obviously what had to have taken place at the last night and Gary therefore happen was. However, Gary had to go through a rape, Robbie wouldn‘t even consider himself in his worst nightmares. This was just too grotesque. First and foremost, Gary was an adult man. Indeed where he thought now thus about it, he saw before his spiritual eye a frightening statistics which said that there were also adult men under the victims. Though in comparison to women or children, the percentage was extremely low and lay thus around the one-digit area, but still one shouldn‘t disregard the dark figure. For which man would want to admit that he himself was raped? Because men are simply put always as the only true culprits, the pressure was terrifically coined accordingly and thus it was also extremely difficult for a man to let separate from this picture.

With the feeling that in his compassionate heart an unfathomable emptiness opened and broke therefore more than only one whole world, Robbie could only stare at his friend in bewilderment and dumbfounded. No. That simply should not have happened. Not his Gary. He definitely didn’t deserve it. Which cerebral-burnt, disturbed and perverted crazy one had this only done to him? The actual rape was already bad enough, but the outpouring of the right arm really didn’t have to be. This had to be responsible for it, it couldn’t be differently. Thus a picture opened before Robbie bit by bit who insisted only from nothing but to jigsaw puzzle parts how everything belonged together anyhow. The end result was so frightening, that Robbie couldn’t get rid of this horrific picture.

„Which pig has done this to you?“ Robbie finally found his language again after a felt eternity and brought, besides, the only words over his lips to which he was still able to pronounce.

In this one moment, Robbie wanted to take Gary into his arms, but because of the fact that he didn’t let anyone get to him, he always tried to push this need as far as he could. On the other hand, it wasn’t a good idea to suggest unnecessary touches. For him, it was certainly more than just a pain to be touched by other people. Only right then, when this came from another man. But since Robbie was one himself, he couldn’t give a comforting embrace to Gary, without causing him in any further pain. This non-touching in such a situation was extremely difficult. How could one help the person if he refused? With this question, Robbie went very carefully to Gary's side until he felt that there was an acceptable distance between them. If he couldn’t get too close to him, he wanted to give Gary at least the feeling that he was there for him. No matter if he had to sit under this icy cold shower and ruin his clothes. His friendship with Gary was much more important to him than to mourn his clothes. By the way, it was only water. He had to let it dry later.

 

While Robbie once caught himself once put an arm around his shoulder, he wondered where Dawn was. She was Gary's rock in the surf and was always considered a person who was truly one hundred percent behind her husband and sincerely loved. No matter what came. What the both with each other had one also called soul relationship. Neither of them could be any more without the other. Their marriage was the best example of how to lead them unconditionally. Dawn tolerated Gary's immense work-life and Gary, on the other hand, tried to be the perfect husband and father of three children at the same time, where no one could ever say that they never saw him. What from Robbie's point of view, he also succeeded very well. Gary couldn’t be happier. A working career as a successful musician and not to forget, an always loving family. What could actually happen? What could actually happen? It was the perfect life.

Nevertheless, Robbie had somehow a bad feeling about the matter and so he had been thinking about where Dawn was for some time. Gary needed her more urgently than ever. It wasn’t in such a way that he was there for his friend only if it to him fitted. No. If it was possible, he would want to spend every second at Gary's side. For this man he would want to commit even a murder and he had in view at the moment already somebody to hesitate with which he without would act. To this perverted shit guy, who had raped Gary und by the way, dislocated his right arm. 

But as soon as he returned to Dawn with his thoughts, Robbie had to stand by the way that she was the better choice on Gary's side than he did. Time apart from the fact, he had found meanwhile himself a woman with whom he was also married now and wished from her many children, who waited for him at home. Ayda was definitely the best thing ever ...together with Gary. He was worried that Dawn could be a terrible thing, and that Gary would not be easy with her early and possible death. However, this theory also had a gap. Since if it was in such a way, nevertheless, they would already have heard what about that or would have read something about it. But what was not the case. No. There had to be something else behind it.

"Where is Dawn at all?", Robbie started a vague attempt to find Dawn's whereabouts and asked her carefully how her health was, "She's fine, isn’t she?"

For fear of the answer, which might underpin Mark's theory, Robbie stared into space and hoped that Gary wouldn’t confirm it. At first, however, Gary had an answer until the latter took a tense attitude and obviously struggled to extort the coming words somehow.

"Gone. ...She ...she's gone." Gary was sobbing when he finally found the necessary strength.  
"That she's not here, I've noticed. But where is Dawn now? ...Of course, I'll stay until Dawn is here again and takes you in her arms. ...I just want to make sure that you're not completely alone." Robbie didn’t want to know him alone and tried to find out where Dawn had stayed.

Shortly after, Gary not only groaned, but also audibly louder. How it looked, he stood shortly before a complete breakdown and this wasn’t to be detained indeed also any more. Since as soon as Gary to the pressure dammed up more than one and a half days could not stand firm any more, it was over completely. He would find out the implosion of his life.

"Dawn. She ...she took the children and left me!" Gary finally broke into tears.

Now with it the cat was from the bag. Behind Gary's exceedingly compelling miserliness, which he had shown yesterday, was due to an apparently unexpected and unsightly separation. But that such a sincere and well-groomed marriage suddenly came to an end was hardly imaginable. First and foremost, because they celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary not so long ago and still were as in love as on the first day. So it was difficult to understand what Dawn had done to separate from her beloved Gary. What had happened between the two that inevitably led to a break? The whole thing was simply absurdly high a million.

...And besides, couldn’t Dawn have chosen a different time for that? This was by far the worst one imagined. Only surely where Gary was attacked at the next night by a perverted and wild-become madman and also was still raped. To Dawn's defense, however, one had to say that no one expected such a horrible crime. How should she know who will be the next victim? The fact that it was the only way to meet Gary, who was still too much mournful, would be a rarity for most people. Then even Dawn would think over with the biggest security, everything once again and certainly want to return to Gary. At this time, however, only one person knew about it and that was Robbie.

After Gary had finally managed to penetrate the insurmountable barrier for Robbie, he didn’t feel any better. It was said that as soon as something was loaded openly expressed, that a much better and liberating feeling should occur. But what did not even happen. Now Gary felt only surely from all desolately and the loneliness hit higher waves against the shore over and over again which met him every time hard and the air took to the breathing. With every wave that rolled over him and swept away a piece of his own self, he lost himself in a whirl of chaos and madness, where reality had a terrifying connection with a nightmare. It was a connection that Gary took to the mind. What was now real or maybe just a nightmare? ... Gary couldn’t say it.

Since there was nothing left to him, he simply fell to the ground, but the anticipated and hard impact didn’t happen. Before he could reach the ground at all, he was received by a sea of flames and so his body stood alone in a split second, helpless, in a conflagration. Nothing seemed to be able to counter this. Even an escape was futile. Internally Gary shouted around his life, but nobody perceived his desperate cry for help. As the fire continued to spread and burned every imaginable possession before his eyes, the unspeakable painful stitches on his skin became more unbearable. No matter what he did, he couldn’t fight against this fiery embrace. With his powerless strokes and kicks, he could do nothing at all. It was a hopeless fight.

When Robbie's gentle voice came to his ears, he felt painfully aware that this fire had been kindled by his friend. Because of him, he had to go more than just through hell because of this embrace and burning invisible scars. But with the help of the icy water which pelted down on him furthermore, Gary could submit only slowly and with reluctance. It was only after an eternity that he felt a sense of security, where he was then able to return to Robbie's embrace. He buried himself so deeply in Robbie's strong arms as he could, and cried bitterly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my english is a Little bit shit, but please rate the story more than the language. I promise you that it will get better from a certain chapter.


	5. If Angels Cry, Oh I'll Be There For You

After more than an hour had passed, Robbie had actually managed to calm Gary with gentle strokes. So he was still trembling and looking for protection in Robbie's arms. Just because of the hope that he wouldn’t let him go. But that was clearly false hope, because sooner or later Robbie would have to release him again. To keep Robbie in his arms longer, he tried to cling to him with his healthy arm. What was contradictory to his previous behavior. For about an hour ago he had still tried to reject this guy and to hit him once more in the face. When the latter was also embraced by him in an intimate embrace and pressed to his broad chest, Gary had initially refused to keep him at bay. Robbie, however, proved to be patient and while he was just there for his friend, he had placed one or other little kiss on one of his temples as Gary already knew about him. He just wanted to show that Gary didn’t have to be afraid of him and that he could take him without danger. What Gary was obviously doing now. 

When Robbie realized that Gary was beginning to cling to him and finally got him to him, he gave him the knowledge that he would do anything for his mate and give him all sorts of security: "Oh Gaz. ...I swear to you whoever did this to you, that this pig will still bleed for it. No matter who will be, I will kill him personally. He would then certainly want to be not even born. As soon as this gets me in the way and I get the opportunity, I will be able to guarantee for nothing. One thing I tell you, this perverse pig will not get you too close. I'll take care of that. I promise you that will not happen again. I'll always be there for you, okay? ...And as for Dawn, I am truly sorry. Just don’t tell me now that she just left you overnight so simply.“  
"She ...she did it." Gary whispered somewhere, whereupon his body began to tremble even more as he already did.  
"Um. ...Gaz? ...No offense, your shower really has a nice ambiance and so, but wouldn’t it be better if we could get away from these places and you can dry clothes? ...I mean, you're already physically attacked and there could be a simple cold with you easily a lung inflammation. ...Maybe that would be possible?" Robbie noticed this and tried to get him to keep the shower no longer than a clean room.

Gary was really to see that he came out of his wet clothes and covered himself with dry clothes. In this respect Robbie could only speculate since when Gary was on this icy trip. As a rape victim, he didn’t take offense. He could even understand it very well. Who wouldn’t want to try to get rid of all these shameful and miserable filth from their own bodies?

Shortly after, Robbie felt Gary make a nod, and a few short sentences, "Okay. ...But you have to help me. ...I cannot do it alone. ...I lack all the strength.", muttered in the embrace. Whereupon Robbie replied that he didn’t have to worry about it and that it was self-evident. So, with slow movements, Robbie tried to free his friend from her embrace. Gary, of course, was a bit reluctant. As soon as Robbie had fought out of the embrace, the still running shower turned and thus on its own two legs, Gary also immediately counteracted an ice cold, which with his cold fingers immediately after his no longer protected body squealed. To defy this, Gary took his habitual and self-centered attitude and tried to ignore this inner as well as the outer cold somehow. What didn’t really succeed. Accordingly, he quickly longed for Robbie's nearness. Although Robbie could get a little cold at times, Gary knew that it was hidden behind a deep-seated fear. Fear of failure and that he could destroy all the newly built. The only thing Robbie had ever wanted was not just the attention, but also the recognition. Especially those of Gary. Now that he got it from him, the two of them felt even more closely connected today than it was before in the nineties. 

 

After Robbie had arranged a big terrycloth handkerchief and came back to Gary's side, he carefully put it around his shoulders.

"Come. Let's get you out of your wet clothes."

With these words, he went to his knees before his friend, took Gary's ice-cold hand, put his arm on his own shoulder, and while he carefully, but firmly, held his waist, Robbie tried to bring this little piece of misery to his feet. But that what wasn’t so easy. Although Gary gave the greatest trouble to keep his legs, but despite the good support Robbie gave him, he buckled every time. In the end of the failed third attempt, Robbie finally changed his tactics by simply taking Gary to his arms and carrying him out of the bathroom. In the bedroom, he set him down on the large king-size bed and looked for Gary's instructions, a few comfortable clothes. To the question whether Gary needed help with the move, this only negated and gave him thus to the conclusion a hint. Somehow he would get it. Besides, he marked Robbie that he also wanted to cover with pleasure what dry to himself. Since Robbie was well and gladly around the ten centimeters larger, he could therefore offer him badly technically. Before an embarrassed silence filled the whole room, Gary glanced down at the ground with a shame, letting Robbie know with a small voice that he hid a jeans and a shirt from the back of the wardrobe where his area was. On this confession, Robbie initially didn’t know what to do, and Gary looked completely speechless. Should he take Gary for the theft or sniff this action? In the end, he decided that he shouldn’t take offense, and he was so lucky that his friend had a change for him. This was typical of Gary. Not because of the theft on his clothes, but much more because Gary was prepared for emergencies. Head quaking, Robbie entered the walk-in closet once more and searched for his stolen clothes. When he finally found them, he realized that this was named by his name. He also had a good reason, because among his own things, he also found three other trousers and shirts, which were also equipped with a name tag and thus Howard, Jason and Mark belonged. This again proved why Gary was the captain. While he was navigating the ship, he had always been the one who cared for the needs of the others.

With the stolen goods in his arm, he stepped back into the actual bedroom and was about to start talking about Gary being the most loyal friend he could wish for. But these words were really stuck in his throat when he saw them. This new picture wasn’t just better than under the shower. In the fetish position, Gary was lying there with an empty look on the bed, tearing even one or other tear over his slightly reddish cheek. It was also a sight Robbie wouldn’t forget very quickly. He hurriedly went to the side facing him, put his clothes aside, and tried to convince him with a sensitive voice that this terrible thing would not happen again and he wasn’t alone. As Gary, however, came across the lethargic, he tried to figure out how deeply he was going, and he wanted to put a hand on his shoulder, as soon as the tears had already slumped from his bloodshot eyes, and Gary again suffered a bitter convulsion. Robbie sat down on the edge of the bed, took him again, and pressed Gary to his broad chest, causing a small handgrip between the two. While the little one was almost ridiculously trying to keep Robbie at a distance, he desperately demanded that his opponent finally put an end to his perverse game and leave him alone.

"Hey. …Hey. Come on, Gaz. It's just me. Rob. Your little Robbie. You know I would never want to do anything to you. ...It's all right, okay? You're safe here." Robbie tried to persuade him that he was safe, "...you're safe with me!"

In order to convey this feeling to him, he pressed Gary so hard on his chest that he could hear his very much too fast and now painful beating heart. After laying a hand on his neck and gently massaging it, he gave Gary the other gentle and soothing strokes.

 

After about half an hour, Robbie Gary could move to calm down again. With the recovered confidence, he whispered to him to get rid of the least dripping wet clothes. For the longer he was exposed to it, the greater the risk that he could get a cold, flu or even a pneumonia. What did not exactly benefit Gary in his present state. When Robbie had noticed a slight nod from him and released him from his embrace, he realized that Gary was no longer capable of changing clothes by himself. So Robbie had to help him out of the way. But before Robbie did this, he freed himself from his wet clothes and switched to the fast to dry.  
Then shortly after he got down to it with careful handles to unbutton the shirt to him and relieved Gary’s left arm from the humid and in the skin sticking sleeve. After he had done it, it was easier for him to pull the shirt carefully over Gary's right arm. As soon as Gary was sitting in front of him with his head hanging down and his naked upper body, Robbie could see the extent of his shoulder. Almost his entire right arm had a pale skin color, which even a layman didn’t make a good impression. Gary needed more than urgent medical attention. Worried, Robbie gave him a quick look and wondered why this perverse pig had to shake his shoulder. Was this really necessary? In his thoughts, he already figured out how he fell over this shit guy and was beating the hospital. How did you ever get on such a sick idea of doing Gary something? The whole thing was simply disgusting for Robbie. It was terrible enough when something like that was done to a woman or worse to a child, but with his best friend, everything finally stopped.

In order that Gary wouldn’t be a victim of the light-running air-conditioning system and thus no longer remained unprotected, Robbie laid the large terrycloth towel around Gary's shoulders to cover his entire upper body. To get the last scanty rest of the moisture out of his skin, he rubbed it dry again with very careful movements. Immediately afterwards, he pulled a cloth over to Gary, starting to Gary's well on the right. Now came the tricky part, the jeans. How would Gary react when he took off his pants? Somehow, Robbie could well imagine that this could turn around and kick around and so it came to his mind to tie him to the bed. But he rejected this idea immediately. No. He couldn’t do that to him. It would be better if he would at least give him a warning. What he did. After giving him a word of warning and Gary giving him a barely noticeable nod, Robbie made his own trousers to pull it off and tried to go through Gary alone. Within a few minutes, Gary was already standing in a hug with Robbie, where at this moment he held him with one hand and the other the cloth training pants over his butt. When this was finally the case, Robbie raised him instantly to his arms again and whispered to him briefly that he would bring him down into the living room.

 

About ten fifteen minutes later, the two friends, each with a cup of chamomile tea in their hands, sat side by side on a large leather couch. After Gary had already taken one or the other good sip, Robbie was asked if he was doing any better. Whereupon Gary just nodded slightly and gave him a not convincing, "something.". But what was also largely a lie. He felt no better. Against this inner cold, the still slightly steaming tea, was also not much more. This helped him only in the short term. The actual desired effect was unfortunately somehow on the line. For some reason, he couldn’t save the heat he received. So in his heart, this icy cold continued to persist, and Gary couldn’t do anything against it.

"How is it looking? Are you able to tell me what happened between you and Dawn?" Robbie asked cautiously about how she had separated and wanted to know the circumstances.  
"There's nothing to tell. There was not even an argument or something. When I came home the night before, Dawn had already left. She ...she left me a piece of paper back, where she says she wants to part with me. ...But not anymore!" Gary had to disappoint him, because there was no huge drama behind it.

The real drama was that Dawn had left him from today to tomorrow and without saying a word. Gary couldn’t understand it. And anyway, what was that for a way to separate so suddenly from a spouse after ten happy years? In the last few weeks or even months, there was not even the smallest disagreement or the like. Nothing had suggested that Dawn would suddenly think of a separation. Even on the morning of two days ago, when he went to the studio, she had said good-bye to him as usual, with an intimate kiss. Looking at the kiss, he still felt her delicate lips on his, taking the sweet smelling perfume that Dawn had applied the morning. That this should be all over now, felt something like this from spurious and yet it was real. Their marriage couldn’t and should not end in this way. No.

While Gary put down his cup and lay down the left hand on his exceedingly tired eyes to be able to keep probably the upcoming tears still for himself, Robbie looked sorrowfully in the round and simply didn’t know how he should bring up his bewilderment.

"Can ...Can I see the note?" Robbie whispered more into the room, instead of speaking this question aloud and possibly sounding insensitive.  
"He's upstairs in the bedroom under my head pillow." Gary sobbed softly.  
"What if I look at this?" Robbie asked cautiously and with a sensitive voice without being intrusive.

After Robbie got a reply in the form of head shaking, he wanted to get on his legs and back to the bedroom. However, since Gary wasn’t to be alone, Robbie let the reading of the slip of paper on later shift. He was sure that the opportunity to read it came early enough.

So, Robbie contented himself with the question of how Dawn could break his heart in this cold-hearted way. Somehow the whole thing was hard to imagine. It wasn’t Dawn's kind. Whatever she had made, it couldn’t be that she would disappear by means of a night-and-fog action, leaving Gary just like that. With this questionable attitude, she had given Gary more than just a blessing. Now Robbie understood why Gary was so terribly devastated yesterday, and he hadn’t even had the courage to tell his friends. For as soon as one looked at the truth in the eye and thus frankly raised it, one became painfully aware that the loss was now final. What Gary had apparently tried as long as possible to push them further ahead. Gary couldn’t and would not believe that he had lost Dawn and of course his three children forever.

 

To this realization, Robbie gave his friend a sympathetic and understandable look. He just took his hand from the still clenched eyes down again and while a single and stolen tear rolled down his cheek, Gary encircled his right arm with a tortured expression. The pain that he had in his arm by the way gave him the rest.

"Great pain?" Robbie couldn’t help but ask something awkward if he had a lot of pain and got Gary but a simple gesture in response, as he only nodded briefly.  
"Wouldn’t it be better if a doctor looked at it?"

No sooner had Robbie put the question to an end, Gary began to tremble at the obvious idea, and could only shake his head with protest.

"No. No. ...I ...I do not want that." Robbie let him know that he didn’t want that, and tried to make him understand that it was impossible for him to see a doctor and stammered in the end, "...I can do that just not, okay? Already ...at the thought of it alone, my body stands in a sea of flames, which takes the air to breathe. ...Even if someone comes too close, I get the feeling ...that my heart could stop beating in any moment. ...And ...with every touch, everything comes together and I ...I... lose my mind and control over my actions. ...I... I cannot. …I cannot do this."

The fact that Gary was alone on the thought of being in a sea of flames and thus already an emotional breakdown suffered, Robbie wouldn’t have assumed now. In contrast, Gary's closeness to any other person and, of course, especially in the process of becoming right to a pure nerve wreck, was absolutely understandable and perfectly predictable when one knew about this terrible secret. So he wondered if his current proximity to Gary made him suffer another near-death. On the outside, Robbie would now want to say yes. But what could also deceive. But the knowledge of what he had done to his best friend several times, Robbie trembled uncommonly and it was more than just visibly unpleasant. Whereupon he moved away a small little piece, towards Gary. He had sworn to never again harm Gary. He loved this man too much today. 

"But with you this is different. Somehow ...I feel safe with you. You're the only one I'd let on my side. No one else. ...As long as you give me a word of warning, you can safely get as close to me as you want." Robbie heard Gary's brittle voice after a short pause, who wanted to let him know that he was the only one, which Gary left alone by his side.

Although these words for Robbie were like handing over a tenfold-crowned platinum record and should be so lucky, but what Gary had to go through in the last few days, so much so that his heart was together that it wasn’t even able to do one Pleasure jump. So Robbie could only question monotonously, if he was also sure. What Gary gave him with a nod and confirmed this.

"Come here, buddy." Robbie didn’t know how to help at the moment, so he asked whether he could close him in his arms.

With half-opened and tired eyes, Gary sat almost impassively there and looked at Robbie that he was obviously just about to sink into a dreamless world. What came to him with certainty to good. For the last two days had had so much of the strength that they were finally demanding their tribute. In order for Gary to find his way to restful sleep, Robbie cautiously closed his friend into a hug, whispering to him that he would always be there for him and promised by the way that he would not have to be a doctor if he didn’t wanted. When Gary had finally slept after half a minute, Robbie put a small kiss on his forehead, freed him from her embrace, and brought him gently into a lying position.

"Sleep well, Gaz. ...Even if you cannot hear me now, I'm sorry."


	6. No One Ever Knows The Reason Why

Robbie threw a sad look at the sleeping Gary and made his thoughts to himself as everything could only happen to him. The whole thing was just more than as terrible. First, Dawn left him completely unexpected, and then, shortly afterwards, Gary was raped by a perverse madman. Within twenty-four hours, his whole world had turned upside down itself and threatened him to ruin any existence where from Gary’s body nothing more was left and he slowly mutated to a languid puppet.

To be able to put off this, Gary more than urgently needed sleep and him now he also agreed thanks to Robbie. With a little tuition, in the form of Valerian, which he had previously secretly done in Gary's tea, he could fortunately bring him to the hopefully soothing sleep mode. Then because of fear what could happen with him and would want to fall asleep of course also before nightmares, Gary for own will never from itself from. He would definitely have resisted and refused to think about sleep at all. But since Robbie didn’t want to see how his friend was getting ready by the hour, day after day, he had no choice but to intervene to give Gary at least the chance that he was at least purely physical, something could recover. So, Robbie now had the opportunity to bring Gary to a doctor. Actually, Robbie was rather reluctant to make a promise, but his friend's outcast shoulder shouted for a doctor. He could leave Gary alone in this condition and leave him alone with his pain. ...Under these circumstances, he should take him to a doctor in the fastest way.

So that Gary also came really immediately to a doctor, Robbie fell back after his mobile phone and ordered his driver Chris here again. Here within a record-breaking time this already arrived and after he had made hold before Gary’s to villa, Robbie stepped to him out and asked him to bring the sleeping owner of the property here to the car and to lay this on the back seat. However, he should be careful because of a balled shoulder. During this Chris of his request followed, Robbie hurried up in the bedroom of Gary to come to find after this slip of paper left behind by Dawn. As Gary had already betrayed him, he found the same under his head pillow. Robbie's eyes narrowed out of absolute disbelief as he saw this note. In reality was only one easy paper-napkin where with a ballpoint pen only a few lines were written on it. From Dawns extremely questionable behavior, Robbie was made sick a little bit and was not able differently, than to steal this crumpled up in his trouser pocket. He could still read it after. In the meantime he wanted to focus on Gary getting medical help.

 

Several minutes later, one already was on the way to the nearest hospital, mounted Robbie with Gary before himself on the back seat and acted for this, such a kind between mattress and pillow at the same time. During the previous trip, he had taken his somewhat smaller friend so in his arms that nothing could happen to him and he could feel safe in his subconscious mind. If it were him, he would not even want to let go of Gary until he knew that this perverse madman was behind lock and key. But at any rate, sometime when this paper-napkin became more and more difficult in his trouser pocket and more intolerable. Robbie could no longer resist it. He had to bring the reading of the parting words which Dawn had left behind for Gary behind himself. With an arm straight across Gary’s breast laid to know him at least still in half an embrace he fished to himself this "writing" from his trouser pocket out. Then what he read and had scrawled on account of few sentences Dawn there, nevertheless, Robbie felled absolutely flatly.

Gary.  
As soon as you rea _d_ these words, I am already gone and you should know right _a_ way that I and the childre _n_ will not come back a _g_ ain. Between us it’s over. My motives for our separation conc _e_ rn only me what and it would be also better for you if you know about the close _r_ circumstances nothing.  
Dawn.

Only three sentences and no reasonable explanation, how it to this rushed separation could come? What should it be? And then, these unpleasant words written with a scrambled writing on this napkin. No. Gary didn’t deserve that. To be left in such a kind, went not at all. Dawn had driven Gary near the edge of an abyss, where he was pushed into the eternal darkness by this perverse madman. Robbie crushed this napkin with one hand as tightly as he could and then let it disappear again quickly into his trouser pocket. Whereupon he took Gary back into a real embrace and pressed him to his broad chest, so that he could feel every single heartbeat that came from him.

"Oh Gaz." Robbie whispered to him, and while he placed a small long kiss on his temple, a tear stole out of his corner of his eye, and slowly began to creep over his cheek.

 

After a felt eternity, the car finally stopped and the driver's voice, telling him they were right in front of the back entrance. Robbie opened his eyes and realized that they were indeed that. Shortly afterwards, the door was opened and after Robbie had managed to get off with an acrobatic insert, he carefully pulled Gary out of the car and lifted him back into his arms. With the hope that not some paparazzi were hiding, he walked quickly to the back entrance, where he was opened to the second and a nurse appeared. When this Robbie saw and how he carried another person on his arms, this solidified briefly and then disappeared on the quickness for some few seconds again in the inside, only to take Robbie's eyes again with a wheeled carrier and stop. After Robbie thanked for this kind of help and had put his still sleeping friend on the stretcher, the nurse nodded to him for a brief moment and immediately asked what had happened. Whereupon Robbie, however, only the unknowing could play and murmured, besides, what of a dislocated shoulder.

Then together they entered the inside of the hospital and the nurses laid near Robbie to turn immediately to the head of department. This could cause with certainty that Gary had to wait for a treatment not too long. Though they treated every person immediately no matter whether this one VIP status had or not. Nevertheless, the young man was of the opinion that this time should be an exception. Only surely when Robbie had briefly mentioned that Gary’s shoulder had to be more than twelve hours dislocated meanwhile already. On this statement, an old saying proved itself once more and the called devil came at this moment with a blowing white smock around the corner coagulated. This remained also are on a par when he realized who had got lost there just in this hospital.

„Mr. Williams. What are you doing here?“ The head of department could not help but ask immediately after his request.  
„My mate Gary. He has to himself the right shoulder dislocated. …Could you take him maybe please immediately and do treat?“ Robbie with a nod indicated to Gary under it and tried to ask a little bit clumsy for an immediate treatment.  
„If we have a look at him for the moment.“, the doctor cannot be asked long therefore to have at least for the moment a careful look at Gary’s to shoulder and struck him, before that Gary only slept and did something ask surprised and fast with Robbie, how could this be, „A dislocated shoulder is not exactly without and can be extremely painful, but why does he sleep then?“  
„I have given him some valerian, so that he finds small little sleep.“  
„You have given him valerian? Even if we take him immediately and it turns out that he needs an emergency operation, we can do for the moment nothing. Valerian has compared with the anesthetic we here use an interaction where it can come with the anesthetic for a strong lengthening.“ The doctor immediately looked up to him and had to disappoint Robbie on account of his answer that he could do nothing.

Robbie threw a look slightly without understanding to the doctor and could make no rhyme to himself on it what should be so bad in it. Then Gary slept just a little longer. Nevertheless, a little longer sleep is able to do no damage, or? Only surely if one could flee in this manner before an exceedingly real nightmare. He would give it to Gary. That he could get away from his profound problems. No matter how.   
While Robbie did not regret his actions against Gary, and would do it again for his friend, the doctor finally took a close look at his injury. After this Gary’s fabric jacket had been opened and the right side had cleared a little cautiously and as far as it was possible for him, the pale skin color of the arm immediately jumped into his eye. Whereupon the nurse spoke up and told his boss that the shoulder had been out for more than twelve hours.

"Over twelve hours? Why do they come now?" The doctor could not quite understand why the two had wasted so much time to get here.   
Without having to let out largely Gary’s awful secret, Robbie believed only that Gary against a visit vehemently denied and to him opposes had and he him only with the help of the valerian and he took only four five drops in use, something could calm.   
„Four five drops?“, as a result the doctor repeated the number of the drops which Robbie Gary had given obviously and when this confirmed it to him with a nod once again, he considered it, nevertheless, differently, „I think, we can venture an attempt on account of the small quantity and attach an emergency operation.“  
„Thanks.“ Robbie nodded to him from thanks.

 

Although Gary did not want to be treated, he was then brought to the operating room against his will and without his knowledge, to undergo an emergency surgery there. Meanwhile, Robbie sat with mixed feelings in the waiting room, hoping that Gary would not look at him as an act of mistrust, and he forgave him. He wanted only the best for him. Since the two had given a deeper meaning to their new friendship, none of them could ever imagine themselves without the other. They needed each other. What Robbie could do with his action Gary opposite now but could lose again. The fear that he now turned away from him grew from minute to minute unbearable. It even went so far that this fear rose to his eyes and manifested itself to tears. Since he was being eyed, among other things, by the local staff, Robbie tried to keep his face by placing a hand on the slightly squinting eyes and stifling the rising tears.

At the same time, he had the idea that he should gradually get in touch with the other guys. Tell them that they could stop the search for Gary and that he was already in the hospital with the wanted, where an emergency surgery had just been carried through. So he grabbed in his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and called Mark. The man, to whom he had never lost the contact. To the friend, about whom he had never lost a bad word. He could count on Mark always. Between the both, Mark had been definitively the better friend than he had been it one day himself. Beside Gary, Mark had always been something special in his eyes, especially because the two were swimming on the same wavelength. After Robbie had told him only the most necessary and where he would find him, he asked him still for the fact that he should get in contact for him with Howard and Jason. What Mark Robbie also promised and mentioned then by the way, that they then three in the next half hour in the hospital will be.

From this said half hour, which Mark Robbie had given as a time window, however, became an eternally lasting three-quarter hour. When the three finally arrived and joined Robbie's side, he felt a little better. This whole waiting was something of nerve-racking, which brought him slowly to the brink of madness. Among friends, however, it was no longer so bad and so tolerable. What was the name of it? Shared pain is half of the pain.

"How does it go Gaz?" He was asked by Jason, while he sat down on a nearby chair.  
"Shit!" Robbie could not find a better word to describe Gary's emotional world in one word.  
"And how long has he been under the knife?" Jason asked.  
"I don't know. …I haven't seen on the clock." Robbie admitted with a small voice that since his arrival he had not even looked at his watch and ran with both hands through his short hair.

The three friends looked at Robbie a little bit questioningly and, besides, had a brief look at the gigantic clock on the opposite wall at which she properly stared. This was absolutely incalculable. Because it was actually impossible that Robbie did not even take a quick look at it. Nevertheless, there it was actually impossible that Robbie had not had sometimes a short look at it. Therefore, his worries about Gary had to have reached meanwhile huge magnitude.

"Hey. Don’t worry. I’m sure that Gary will get over the operation.“ Mark tried to take this fear by sitting down beside him on the large couch and sympathetically placing an arm around his shoulder.   
„Yes. He is a fighter. So fast nothing kills him.“ Howard agreed with the younger, giving Robbie a friendly slap.  
"I'm not so sure." Robbie couldn’t believe the monotonous.  
"How do you mean?" Howard didn’t understand what Robbie wanted to say.

Robbie looked up at his mate and didn’t know what to say. The whole thing was not easy. True, he owed his friends an explanation of what was going on with Gary. Still, he couldn’t abuse Gary's trust again. What he didn’t want. He had to find a way to somehow justify his behavior.

"... Dawn has left him!" Robbie finally decided for half the truth and thus burst the proverbial bomb.

On this hard-to-digest and hardly imaginable message, three completely shocked pairs of eyes were now resting on Robbie. He did not mean that seriously, right? Dawn would never want to leave Gary. Not even in thousands of years. Robbie must have understood something wrong. It could not be otherwise. There had to be another explanation, why Gary was so strange. But this one was so unbelievable that it could not be true. Although nevertheless if one exactly looks everything it would explain all behavior patterns. ...No one really would have expected that.

 

"How ...how could that ever happen?" Jason was the first to speak his language after a felt eternity.  
"Gaz couldn’t tell me either. For him this came as unexpectedly, as now for us. It means that there was not sometimes a quarrel or similar between them.", Robbie reported what he knew about Gary, and while he was repeating the crunchy napkin, he added how Dawn had broken his heart, "Anyway. When he returned home on Wednesday night, Dawn and the children had already left. ...Here this is the only one what it had still left to him!"  
"And she had not even said a word to him?" Howard could only ask with complete disbelief, which had meanwhile disappeared from faith and had to sit down.

Whereupon Robbie to him only for the sake of convenience and sorrowfully could nod.

"Hey guys. Listen to this. You would never believe that. ...Gary. As soon as you read these words, I am already gone and you should know right away that I and the children will not come back again. Between us it’s over. My motives for our separation concern only me what and it would be also better for you if you know about the closer circumstances nothing. Dawn." Mark read the lines in a muted voice, after taking the serviette from Robbie's hand.  
"That's all? She didn’t write anymore? ...Show it to me." Howard wanted to make a picture to himself of it, holding his open hand in front of Mark, and holding the paper napkins between his fingers, could Howard not be reserved any more longer to follow Dawn, „What is this then please for an ill kind? Writes to only three unpleasant lines on a usual paper-napkin and leaves in the dark Gaz, besides what it moves to this separation. How can Dawn do this to him? For me is the lowest drawer what it has drawn off there. No. Now I wouldn’t at all have expected this from Dawn.“  
„There it is also no miracle, why Gaz was so opposing yesterday to us towards. I just wonder how he managed to get his shoulder out. This can come impossibly from Dawn. Already on account of that that she was already away at the time. …Whatever may still have happened at the last night, it must have frightened Gaz so that he lets out it now anyhow on us.“ Jason said loudly, wondering what Gary had been through last night had to.   
„I can well imagine that he has drunk one about the thirst and has tangled with some types. Now where he knows like he had behaved and what he had done, adds him so strongly paced that he wants to take of us dear distance.“ Howard had concerning this already an idea.  
„But would what not have to stand then today of it in some newspapers? You know, the press can be quite quick.“ Mark interjected, and was not quite convinced by this theory.  
"Not necessarily. Think about it. First, we do not know when and where the whole thing should have happened, and secondly, the people of the press have something like a editorial closing time." Howard continued his thoughts.  
"And the Internet?" Mark pointed out.  
"Again true. ...However, we say sometimes, it would’ve happened by the late night hour at a dark place, like something like that in a remote lane, it would still have to have got nobody.“ Howard remained with his theory and believed therefore that Gary would have to have tangled with some types foreign to game.  
„Your explanation already has what and could be also absolutely consistent, but anyhow I have the feeling that there something else lies behind.“ Jason found Howard's theory not quite absurd, but had something else in mind.  
"And what are you thinking about?" Howard wanted to know more about his thoughts.  
"Well, something like an attack.", Jason spoke openly of his very narrow-minded theory, then turned to Robbie to see if Gary could have said anything to him, "Hey, Rob. Has Gaz said you nothing, how did he come to his dislocated shoulder?“

Head-shaking, Robbie looked at Jason and could just bring a monotonous, "No.", over his lips. In spite of this lie, Robbie absolutely knew that this was not even really lied. While Gary about his rape hadn’t lost sometimes one single word, Robbie had made sense, after all, himself. Therefore, there was there also no lie. But if Jason asked if he knew what was going on with Gary, it would still exist. How near Jason with his supposition lay with the real truth, he didn’t have to know for the moment. Although this awful secret loaded him, strongly and ate up his inside properly, he would keep it for himself. However, if he soon did not confide anybody, he would still spin certainly and run by completely London, until he found this perverted pig finally and killed him with own hands.


	7. Why Can't I Wake Up With You

Since Howard, Jason, and Mark had found their way to the hospital, and so on to Robbie's side, about twenty minutes had passed since the big, automatically-rising double door slipped to the side and a doctor came along. After he joined the small group and greeted the remaining three band members of the famous band Take That, he informed the guys that the operation was going off without complications and that Gary could leave the hospital in two days. He should, of course, spare his right arm for the next three weeks. To the soon after asked by Robbie whether they were allowed to him, the friends of course got their consent, but had to promise him that their visit shouldn’t be too long. Gary needed his time for himself.

Thus the friends, under the leadership of the chief physician, went on the long journey to Gary's sick-room. As they descended the long corridors and the biting smell of the sterile manifested itself more and more in her noses, Robbie knew already too well that he wouldn’t hold on to the doctor's order. He was of the firm opinion that his friend couldn’t be alone now. The separation of Dawn was hard enough for him, but the other story brought Gary on the brink of a hopeless war, which he would surely lose if he left him alone now. No. Gary needed not only a friend, but also someone to lean on with a clear conscience. ...And since Robbie was  
the only one Gary left to himself, he wanted to give him this strong shoulder.

After eight long minutes and felt hundreds of miles later, they finally arrived in front of the room where Gary had to be inside. Before the boys admitted themselves, the doctor told them once more that their visit shouldn’t be too long. On the promise to keep to it, the doctor nodded to thank them, took a quick leave, and was then no longer seen by moving away from the small group.

 

As soon as the chief physician had disappeared, the four friends went to the sick-room. When, shortly afterwards, they were standing by Gary at his bedside, and found the person said asleep, the friends had to stand up to him that he didn’t look better compared to a few hours ago. While Gary's right arm still had an unhealthy pallor, he still had a slightly reddish facial color. What could indicate an elevated temperature. With a brief look at a connected monitor, where all vital values of Gary were awarded, this assumption could be confirmed.. This clearly showed that Gary suffered not only mentally but also physically. God, poor Gary. Except for Robbie, who knew better, of course, everyone thought about him. How could Dawn do this to him? Well, maybe she was not responsible for Gary getting his shoulder out, but if Howard's theory turned out to be right, she'd be indirectly responsible.

Well, anyway. It had happened, and Gary's shoulder was once again in the old state. Where, however, his arm was in a triangular splint, so that the scaled-up shoulder would come to rest again and be spared.

"I have to say you've done it well, Rob." Jason said after a quiet minute, his appreciation openly.  
"What do you mean?" Robbie didn’t understand what Jason wanted to do with it.  
"Well. You managed to convince Gary that he should go to the hands of a physician with his outstretched shoulder." Jason was convinced that Robbie's success was a good persuasion.

Because of Jason's false conviction, Robbie gave him a cautious look, and gave him a brief nod. Robbie wondered if he should mention Gary secretly drowning a few drops of Valerian to bring him here at all. Although this wasn’t even thought from the beginning. Actually, he just wanted Gary to come to rest. The fact that he had brought him to the hospital here came more from a spontaneous action. ...And somehow, he couldn’t even watch Gary pull himself further from his pain into the dark world when he was already. 

On the other hand, Robbie also knew that Jason could misinterpret this confession and that he was like the last idiot and gave him a reason to think about it. But what could trigger this at Gary, Robbie couldn’t even begin to paint. So it would be better if he kept the flap and let this kind of conversation go.

"I still cannot understand why Dawn just left him ...and without saying a word." Howard still had trouble understanding it.  
"You're not the only one. It is also completely incomprehensible how one can separate from the spouse in this nasty way after a ten-year long picture book. ...Gaz is the most loyal person I know. No. He didn’t deserve it at all." Mark also had the lack of attitude to show the whole understanding and patted Gary's leg out of sincere sympathy.

When Robbie saw this, he hoped imploringly for Gary that Mark didn‘t push him with his touches in his described sea from flames. Even though he was still under anesthesia at the moment, he could still fell in his subconscious mind a true feeling of chaos. As he had already feared, Gary's EEG and ECG showed a slight change. Even when Mark withdrew his hand again, this still persisted. Robbie couldn’t say whether this was noticed by his other friends. But if Mark alone managed to send Gary to the proverbial hell, he could well help his friend out. While he placed a hand on his healthy shoulder in a perfectly unobserved moment, and only in his thoughts at Gary, this EEG and ECG line returned to the original state. This response showed Robbie how strong their bond really was. A bond of trust and sincere friendship. Then Robbie had to admit himself that he had not expected at all. Somehow Gary must have known in the subconscious mind that the second touch came from him. What he initially dismissed as a supernatural event, yet he was a fan of such inexplicable phenomena.

After his album _Rudebox_ wasn’t crowned by the success of the hit, Robbie had the opportunity to talk about his addiction problems, as well as some UFO sightings. However, this had been in a time when he had reached his personal low. Within three years, he had to watch as his former band mates around Take That had made the comeback of the decade and thus had snatched all the successes before his nose. That hadn’t been nice. At first, he had been upset with the guys, except for Mark, that they had gone to the studio after their Ultimate Tour to get a new album released. The subsequent and anticipated success of this four-man team had made Robbie think. In those years, he was beginning to realize what he was missing and where he wanted to go with his life. So all the good things came back and left his demons behind. As in the private, as well as in the musical sense. To the former, he found, by some daring attempts at coupling his friends, the wife of his life with which he would grow old today and at some time to have children. To the latter, he could not quite follow his old successes with the succession album, _Reality Killed The Videostar_ , but it had sold much better in England than the previous record. Last but not least, the debate with his formerly hated former band mates, who now covered both areas. While he was a good friend again with Gary, the two had even released a single together and the usual musical success was no longer expected. With Gary's help he had finally returned to his old strength. He had much to thank for this man. Although they once had nothing to say, and he wanted to annihilate him by all means, the two of them felt more connected today than usual. An intimate bond, which was also called it souls’ consternation.

So there was a sense that Gary knew in his subconscious mind about the presence of his friend and felt it out of a simple touch. What made Robbie to smile. It felt just good that Gary gave him not only his trust but that he stood also close to him. Already because of this proximity, he could only sympathize with his pain, and that saddened him again, what had happened with his Gary in the last forty-two hours. At the same time, his inner smile went back as fast as it had come.

 

As time unfolded tirelessly, the boys, one by one, fell into a deep emptiness and could only look at their sleeping friend in thought. That what Dawn had pulled off with him was really hard. To get a discharge after ten happy and married years, one had to break the neck, of course, only in the proverbial sense. Whether Gary could ever recover from this separation was extremely questionable. Although Gary had a very strong resistance, which he could already prove when Robbie once wanted to break him, but somehow was also with him. But from what point that will be, one could only speculate about it. Of course, Howard, Jason and Mark, hoped that this one point at Gary wasn’t reached for a long time. But if they had Robbie's knowledge, they would probably think differently about it.

After an eternity, Jason breathed once and out and started an attempt to break this miserable silence, which could no longer be sustained, by saying that he urgently needed a strong coffee and asked the other way round to the cafeteria. While Howard and Mark were quite impressed with this idea, Robbie let his friends flash and wanted to stay with Gary, even though he needed more than just urgently a coffee. If he was to wake up, he didn’t want to know him alone. Then Howard replied that he should go quietly and get a good coffee, and he promised him that he would stay so long and keep an eye on Gary. Although Howard longed for a steaming cup of coffee, he could still stand it a bit, so Robbie was the first. But Robbie didn’t want to go first. But Howard insisted on it and was of the opinion that Gary wouldn’t wake up so quickly. But Robbie was not convinced. Then Howard grabbed his shoulders, pushed him up to the door, and gave him another promise that he would report to him if Gary was to wake up earlier than they thought. In the end, Robbie reluctantly gave Jason and Mark to join the cafeteria.

After Jason and Mark left the room with a slightly bumpy Robbie, Howard stayed alone with Gary. So for several minutes, Howard sat with a stiff gaze and silent before his friend, until after ten minutes his eyes began to ache. Breathing loudly, Howard rubbed them with two fingers, stood up and stepped slightly to the window. Tiredly he looked outside and tried to give his eyes a slightly more pleasant change. But what wasn’t granted him too long. Because after less than half a minute, he heard a slight moan, which’s clearly came from Gary. Thereupon Howard turned quickly to the direction of his friend and went back to his side.

"Hey, Gaz. ...How are you?" Howard asked carefully, and sat down at Gary on the edge of the bed.  
"Rob? Is ...is it you?" Gary said with a very weak voice, trying to open his too heavy eyelids, at least for a small gap.

But he could only m1ake a black silhouette. Even the voice, which he had previously noticed in his wadded ears, Gary couldn’t identify it at that moment. Somehow everything was still behind a sound-absorbing and opaque curtain. So Gary hoped it would be Robbie. But because of the rising heat, which through the ever approaching flames put his entire body strongly and thus incorporated into himself, Gary had the feeling that it wasn’t Robbie. But as he could be mistaken, he was careful to ask who was in his immediate vicinity.

"No. It's me, Doug. ...You're not alone, okay?" Howard let his friend know right away that he wasn’t alone, and with whom he was in contact.

Although they were the official words of what Howard had just let go out of him, but in Gary's ears it sounded quite different and when he took his hand into his own, his heart hit to him up to the neck. Panic rose. With every heartbeat that pounded painfully against his chest, his breathing became more and more severe. Whereupon Gary seriously believed that he was on the verge of his heart attack. As his panic on the monitor, where all his vital signs were recorded, was noticeable, this change itself was a layman, as Howard was once. So he immediately asked whether everything was alright with him. Instead of addressing this question, Gary made the most effort to recognize a real face from the silhouette in front of him. When the miserable and foggy mist had finally vanished, the horror which had already made him extremely unpleasant and terrifying was revealed before him. This faceless grimace, which’s has now become his real nightmare since last night. Instantly, Gary got up and tried to get as much distance between him as he could. But as Gary didn’t know that he was in an unsecured hospital bed, he fell out of the hospital shortly afterwards and landed on the ground, but his injured shoulder was not spared. The ensuing painful wave was not long in coming and Gary broke into a gigantic tsunami. In the fall, he had also torn apart all the cables he was still connected with, his body. What didn’t matter to him at this moment. With severe pain and an agonizing expression of face, he held his right shoulder and tried to overcome it somehow.

"Gary." Howard shouted in the same breath as he saw the man fall to the ground and hold his shoulder in pain.

Quickly, he found himself at his side and while he was kneeling before him, Howard asked cautiously whether he had done anything with the stupid fall. As Gary didn’t give him an answer, he obviously had a lot of pain. In order to take at least a small part of his pain and make him more tolerable, he wanted to put a hand on his healthy shoulder. But as Gary noticed from the corner of his eye as Howard's huge hand approached him ever more threateningly, he immediately and fearfully backed away before Gary pushed his back against an insurmountable wall.

"No. …Not. ...Don’t... don’t come too close to me. Stay ...stay where you are." Gary stammered.  
"Hey, Gaz. Keep calm. It's just me, Doug. Everything’s okay. You surely don’t have to be afraid." Howard tried to calm his friend somehow.

What he did not manage sometimes in beginning. Because while Gary still kept his eyes squashed, he put his entire left palm on his upper half of the face and tried to gain some additional distance. Unfortunately, it didn’t help him much either. This faceless grimace did not let him go any more. He followed him properly, and in order to escape somehow, he tried to escape quickly. As he lacked any strength to fight his two legs, or rather to be able to hold on to them, he preferred to stay close to the ground, thus crawling on all fours as quickly as he could in his condition.

Howard could only look at him completely surprised, wondering what had happened to his friend last night. So disturbed and panicked he'd never seen him. This was clearly not the Gary, he once knew. This one was completely foreign to him. So he could only watch Gary take a look before him and shut himself in the toilet within a few seconds.

 

With mixed feelings and not knowing what to do, Howard stood helpless in front of the locked door. This new Gary brought him completely into his mind. Even though he had done nothing to him, he acted in such a way as if he was the enemy before Gary had to flee. How did Gary get the idea that he could do him something? Never in his life would he ever want to harm any of his friends. Not even in thousands of years. That Gary could think of him at this moment did hurt. This gave him a momentary emptiness, which brought him right into his mind. How could he make his friend understand that he was not even dreaming of doing something to him if the latter were out of his way? Something must have occurred to him to get to Gary and, if necessary, to convince him otherwise.

Howard was about to start a cautious attempt when suddenly the door flew open and a nurse came rushing in. But when she saw the empty bed and the hanging cables, she stopped abruptly and turned to Howard to find out what had happened recently and where the patient was. Whereupon Howard to towards her that Gary in the toilet was, and ridded himself from some excessive physical liquids. Although Howard wasn’t considered to be the greatest liar, he could, surprisingly, resist this lie without giving a traitorous sign. What else he never really succeeded. He even considered himself the worst liar in the world. The nurse nodded to him only briefly, and thus took his obvious lie without further questions. By the way, as soon as Gary was back in bed, she asked him for a notification, so she could be plugged into the monitor again. Whereupon Howard gave her this favor with a nod and a low, "Okay."

In the second, when she had disappeared from the room, Howard turned back to the door where his frightened friend had to be, trying to communicate with him somehow between this barrier.

"Gaz? ...Hey. Come on, buddy."  
"Go away. ...Disappear." Howard heard shortly afterwards the fragile and thin voice of Gary.  
"Gary. Please. ... I know from Robbie what happened." Howard let him know that he knew about his dilemma and tried to convince him that he had nothing to fear from him, "If you let me in, I promise you also high and holy, not come too close to you. You know I would never want to hurt you."

While Howard spoke these words openly, he was hoping that Gary would take his promise to his heart and let him in. But his good and serious words didn’t bring him the desired result. It was simply hopeless. Behind that locked door, everything remained quiet except for a soft sobbing. At some point, Howard thought he'd heard a few words, as Gary asked himself where Robbie was and why he had left him alone. Obviously, he longed for his strong arms. What gave Howard a little thought. Why did he just let Robbie get to him and not himself? That was nothing against Robbie now, but he would want to take him too much in his arms and give him more than a strong shoulder. When he thought he was going to be Robbie's place, he remembered that he had given him a promise. So he pulled himself out of his trouser pocket his mobile phone and let Robbie know by an SMS that Gary was awake and asked for him.

 

After a very brief and record-breaking minute, the door to Gary's sick room flew open again, and Howard was amazed at how fast Robbie could be. He had already been aware that he would be here within a few minutes, but not so fast. Robbie really had to let the turbo out.

"Where is he?" He said, a little out of breath, after he had noticed uneasily that Gary wasn’t in bed or in any corner of the room.  
"He's locked himself in the toilet." The muted voice of Howard reached Robbie's cotton-packed ears. 

On this information, Robbie turned to the said room and stepped on it with a few quick steps. When he was standing there, he gently pounded with his flat hand, letting Gary know that he was, and asked him to open the door. But what didn’t happen. Only after several requests and a much too long lasting moment, Gary finally did what he wanted from him. The subsequent unlocking of the door lock penetrated all ears that were present and the click was so loud and clear, which gave it a long-lasting echo. Uncertainly Robbie waited a few seconds before he took the door handle in his hand and opened it carefully. The question what he got to see then occupied him tremendously. Having seen twice as Gary had a disturbing pictures, Robbie would want to deal with the new picture of his friend somehow. The fear that he could find Gary now in a more miserable state rose in immeasurable way, reaching a new dimension in him where Robbie felt lost and completely helpless.

As he held his breath and was caught up with the worst, he finally gave himself the latch, opening the blackest hole he had ever seen. In this hole, where the pale light of the sick room illuminated only a small part, Gary's crouching body could be seen. With his head hanging and his legs drawn to his upper body, trying to clasp them together with an arm, he sat there with aggravated breathing on the cold ground.

"Gaz?" Robbie tried to grab Gary's attention.  
On the attribution, Gary gently lifted his head and gave the person who was standing on the threshold a tired look. Although he could make a black silhouette, he thought he knew this time because of the voice that was Robbie. If it were for him, he would instantly go to his two legs, pass over to Robbie, and fall over his neck. But since every imaginable force was missing, he didn’t try it at all.  
"Rob? ...Is that you?" Gary asked weakly in the small and dark room.  
"Yes. ...Yes, it's me." Robbie let him know that he really was, and hurried with quick steps to his friend, where he then fell to his knees before him and took Gary into his arms without a word of warning.

In spite of the missing warning, Gary let the throwing off embrace happen simply without a fight and tried with the best conscience to enjoy Robbie’s nearness. As he felt more than safe in his arms, he was received by a warm warmth, where a small portion of his deep-seated cold evaporated into all directions of heaven. So in his heart a much better feeling of life arose and brought Gary by the side to relieve relief.

"Hey. How does it look? Is everything's all right?" Robbie asked cautiously as he caught his hot breath in his ear.

In contrast to what Robbie had hoped for Gary's response, however, it was more like the opposite. So he could feel Gary shaking his head into the embrace.

"He ...he's here." Gary breathed so breathlessly in a whisper that only Robbie could hear.

"What do mean? Who's here?" Robbie didn’t understand what Gary was talking about.

Already for the fact that they were here among friends and thus there was no stranger in their midst. Why would his obviously more than frightening and something of frightened friend hiding here? In the toilet, where’s he had condemned every light to silence. Robbie didn’t get an answer to his question, but the subsequent reaction of Gary spoke volumes for him. As he buried himself more and more in his hug, Robbie had already a clue as to why he still felt so frightened. What had actually happened in the last ten minutes, he could only speculate and yet he was sure that Gary's fear drew from a nightmare. A nightmare, where he might have been left alone by everyone’s and had to go through another rape. To this guess, Robbie regretted now that he had really left him alone. This was nothing against Howard, but he ought to have watched Gary's side, not his equal-sized mate. Especially since he was the only one Gary wanted to have at his side.


	8. Don't Be Too Hard On My Emotions

After Robbie had ventured into the dark hole and had gone to Gary's side, Howard, Jason, and Mark were standing there with their mouths slightly open, trying to understand what was going on with their mutual friend. In spite of their different conceptions of what might have happened in the last night, none of the friends could guess what hell Gary was going through. This picture, where Gary was buried alive by Robbie's embrace, and was thus no longer to be seen, was more than just breathtaking. There was a pure discomfort in the three friends. As Gary had shown so far this day, it had been hard enough to experience him this way. But what they saw now, none of them had expected. Not even beginnings. To see Gary so much, already hurt.

Since the three remaining guys were no longer doing nothings and Gary would rather stand aside, they finally entered the small room with a breath. After only a few steps, they found each other again at the side of their mutual friend, went straight to his knees before him, and laid out a hand on his shoulders and back, out of curiosity and sympathetic sympathy. The subsequent overreaction of Gary didn’t take long. At the moment he stiffened, and while he was a little loud with a weak voice and a scarcely existing voice, that his friends who had joined him no longer had to touch and keep away from him, he tried to get rid of Robbie's embrace somehow. But Robbie kept his friend so well that he couldn’t do anything about it. Howard, Jason and Mark were so shocked that they lost their balance shortly afterwards and thus landed on the ground with the ass. Their glassy eyes reflected her horror and absolute lack of understanding in one. What the hell had happened to Gary last night that he had recently shown this strange behavior? That wasn’t normal anymore. While they were asking this one question, the three of Robbie were asked to leave the room instantly and leave them alone. Though Howard, Jason, and Mark were reluctant to do this one favor, they were somewhat reluctant. Shortly after leaving the small room and closing the door behind Robbie's instructions, the three friends remained completely speechless.

 

"What the hell was that? So I've never seen Gary before." Mark tried to finally make up his mindlessness after a felt eternity and had to sit down to play it all down somehow.  
"I don’t know how you see it, but I find Gary's behavior extremely worrying. Whatever happened last night, I guess I don’t even want to know now." Jason was getting an uneasy feeling about the whole thing, so I wanted to remain in the dark about what had happened to Gary.  
"You should’ve seen him before. When he had awakened from his anesthetic, he had looked at me as if I wanted to do something to him. After he had also fallen out of the bed, he had tried to keep me at a distance by all means. Whereupon he finally locked himself up on the toilet. ...It was as if Gaz ...was afraid of me." Howard felt the previous scenario personally for him personally and told the two of them what a few minutes ago had occurred here.

To the explanation of Howard, Mark could not leave his eyes of this and no longer understood the world. Why should Gary be afraid of Howard? Okay, Howard could look a bit wildly and daring, but he would never want to harm a friend. Not to mention the name of Gary. None of them wouldn’t even dream of causing any, harm to their captain. Besides, Gary was really a good and loyal friend who could never be lost. Actually it was for everyone within the group, but Gary was the only exception. Take That would be without him just any former boy band, which had already reached its expiration date for some time. Despite their previous age, they continued the phenomenon further and thus proved that it could still work. Encourage the other boy bands to make sure that nothing needs to be final.

"Gary is afraid of any fears is obvious. But I think it's unlikely he's afraid of you personally." Jason thought it was impossible for him to develop a deep-seated fear of one of them.  
"How would you call it? Whether you believe it or not, he was clearly afraid of me. You should’ve seen him look at me. ...As if I were someone of a monster."  
"Well, really, you're overdramatized it now."  
"Overdramatized? You seriously believe that I overdramatize it? ...I could see that fear in his eyes. He was afraid ...before me! ...Can you please tell me what I’ve done to him that justifies his fear?" Howard was of a different opinion, desperately trying to find an answer that could explain Gary's fear of him.

Jason looked at his equal-sized buddy with mixed feelings and didn’t know at first what to say. This whole situation was really not easy for everyone. While Howard couldn’t understand that he had a hellish fear in Gary, Jason fought with absolute disbelief in the whole. Especially, against the surprising and incomprehensible separation of, Dawn. What had happened to Gary last night and thus his strange behavior toward them, explained ...and not least, why this resigned itself in Robbie's arms. Especially the last point, was not quite understandable for Jason. He had suggested to Gary that he should confide to someone. But not Robbie. From his point of view, he was the last person he could imagine at his side. This was nothing against Robbie now, but he remained the proverbial black sheep of the band. Although all the differences were set aside, Jason didn’t quite trust this roast. The return of her lost member, he now faced with mixed feelings.

"Maybe because you were Gary on the collar?" Mark finally advised.

Howard looked at Mark, remembering how he'd grabbed Gary some hours ago and asked for answers. As this image burned into his brain wraps, he came to the conclusion that Mark could be quite right with this plausible explanation. It had to be. There was no other possibility.

With this one thought, Howard's world suddenly started to turn and so he had to sit down. After simply sitting down on the ground and leaning against the wall with his back, he put his hand on his eyes and rubbed them.

"God. What I’ve done?" Howard asked more about himself.  
"Hey. This isn’t your fault ...and besides, you couldn’t know that Gary is going through an extremely difficult time." Mark tried to make his friend clear that he shouldn’t reproach himself.  
"Mark’s right. You must not blame yourself. So please don’t make yourself so ready. ...If you ask me, to my taste, Rob has conjured up the whole thing. He should’ve left Gary alone, because then there would’ve been no overreaction. So you shouldn’t have let yourself be led off by your feelings and wouldn’t have put him on the collar accordingly." Jason finally let his displeasure at Robbie and tried to compensate Howard's guilt somehow.  
"Um. ...No offense, Jay. But can it be that you are doing it for yourself?" Mark tried to point out to him that he was just about to take that path himself.  
"What do you mean by that?" Jason apparently ignored that he began the same mistake Howard had already done before him.  
"Well, you're the hobby psychologist here. What do you think when I tell you that you just make the same mistake and let you be misled by your feelings?" Mark could only ask back.  
"That you're wrong. I just say what it is." Jason suddenly began to deny himself.  
"You know, to err is human. ... In my opinion, you're doing Rob just wrong. He hadn’t done anything wrong. For me, it looked like Gary was just nibbled, and since Rob didn’t want to keep him from sleep, he had probably thought he'd just use the mixing console. It then came to this unfortunate touch and the result is that it could only come to an overreaction. ...In Gary's place, I would not react to anything else." Mark Robbie defended, letting an astonished Jason know that there was a very comprehensible explanation that could be quite coherent and thus override any blame, of course in favor of Robbie’s sat.

While Mark Jason described his view, he looked into the eyes of his smaller friend and had to stand by doing the same mistake. But what should he do? To be open to the fact that he just blamed Robbie wrongly? It would be better. To his satisfaction, however, it did somehow to omit all his displeasure and frustration at the same time to the youngest member of the band. Even though it was, of course, wrong. It was always easy to look for fault with someone else than with himself, although he wasn’t aware of any guilt. The only thing that he now deeply regretted was that after Gary's overreaction with Howard, he was like a thunderstorm. There was a clarification on his part, however, before he made it even worse.

As he rubbed his tired eyes with one hand, he let himself in on a confession, trying to explain his small outburst: "It's just that ...I think Rob is the wrong person on Gary's side. I know that both of you Rob's misconduct have been forgiven us, of course, up to you Mark, already for a long time. ...But I still have my problems with it. Somehow, I expect him to let go of the next goat and destroy everything. He is still like a little boy who has an attention deficit. ...I guessed Gaz that he should confide to a person at his choice ...but not like Rob. This is absolutely incomprehensible to me."

On this explanation, Jason settled down on the ground right next to Howard and tried to get a grip on himself once again, while he added with a small voice that he was disappointed by his own current behavior.

"I can understand you at some point well and understand what you want to tell us, but you shouldn’t condemn Rob too quickly. Even though he sometimes acted like a little boy, he is not a bad guy. He is really trying to make it right for us all. I don’t know why you don’t see it, but it has definitely changed. Rob is not the same as he was in the nineties. You just have to give him the chance to prove himself. ...Apart from what do you think Gary gave him a second key and his own number code? He wouldn’t want to leave Rob to himself if he didn’t trust him to one hundred percent. The fact that he now resides in the arms of Robbie also proves for a long time not that Gaz has just rightly thrown around his neck. Rob was now the first on his side. ..." Mark Jason realized that Robbie had a good core and that it was just a coincidence that Gary had turned to it.

"I know. You must not explain to me how this could happen, or that Rob has quite a good side." Jason Mark interrupted in his flow of speech, letting him know that he already knew what his little friend wanted to say and spoke his own, "I am mainly concerned about the fact that I don’t want to see and experience once again how he has the band once more on his conscience and pulls us through the muck again. You know exactly where this all had led and I don’t have the slightest desire to go through this way again. Doug had seriously thought about to killed himself, you had been looking for your salvation in the world of alcohol, and about Gary, I don’t even imagine what could happen to him today after Dawn just left him out of the blue." 

 

In the meantime, Howard, Mark and Jason were openly discussing their current thoughts and fears after the three guys Robbie left alone with the frightening Gary in the dark, the youngest band member could soothe his friend so far. The latter still lay sobbing and with aggravated breathing in his arms, and sought protection from what was waiting for him out there. From Gary's point of view, Robbie was the only one who could offer him that. While Howard turned into a faceless monster in his mind's eye each time and raped him, Mark was regarded as the most unsuited by the two survivors. Mark was able to get involved with a time, although he was always there for his friends, and then he was a pure emotional wreck. Jason, on the other hand, had an ear for all sorts of problems and didn’t shy away from a well-meaning advice, with his psychoanalytic thinking and constant demand, how he felt and what went through his head in this moment, but at some point, where Gary wanted to run away screaming. No. Robbie was clearly the better and safer choice he could cling to. In the sense, he was also glad that there was nothing left between the two.

"Why ...why did you leave me alone?" Gary whispered into the embrace.  
"I am sorry. I really didn’t want to leave you alone, but Howard had insisted that I go to the cafeteria with Jay and Mark to drink a coffee. ...Believe me, I had felt bad all the time. I would have liked much more if How, Jay and Mark had left alone and brought me a coffee." Robbie let him know right away that he hadn’t left him alone on his own and dared to take his last statement again, by carefully questioning whom Gary had meant with this one person, "May ...may I ask you something? Just now you thought he was here. Who did you mean?"

Instead of giving an answer to Robbie, Gary stiffened on this very delicate question at once and buried himself even deeper into the protective embrace as it was possible. Hiding from a frightening reality, in which a black and faceless figure was found, and thus squealed to his wounded soul. As this danger stood directly in front of the door, waiting for him to pass through the said door to get himself involved Gary couldn’t and wouldn’t take this step. Besides, he didn’t have the necessary power. The only constant he could cling to was Robbie. This gave him at least the feeling that he was not yet to give up. As long as he was by his side, he could feel safe to some extent.

"Gaz? ...What's happening? You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I'm with you." Robbie tried to take his obvious fear of whatever.

But as Gary was burying himself more and more into his embrace, and apparently he didn’t even have the courage to name his fear by name, Robbie thought slowly to know who his friend was so afraid of. After mature thought, he finally came to the conclusion that it could only be about his rapist. It had to be so. Somehow, this was the only logical explanation. For the fact that he had not come to this time earlier, he could now clean himself.

"It's good. Calm down. As long as I'm at your side, nothing will happen to you. Okay? He will do nothing to you. This perverse bastard will soon be sitting behind bars. I promise to you. ...Believe me, it's over." Robbie promised him, high and holy, that he had nothing more to fear from his tormentor and that no further rape or whatever could come.  
"No. ...He ...he's here." Gary sobbed again.  
"You mean, here, before this door? ...I promise you there is no one out there. It’s only your friends. How, Jay and Mark. You know, no-one of them would not even want to do something to you in a dream. ...You're safe here."  
"He's out there."  
"Gaz. Please. Believe me. ...There's no one outside that door who did this to you." Robbie said with a little bit of emphatic that none of his friends was even capable of a terrible act.

To Robbie's suffering, however, Gary still sought shelter in his arms, as if it were about his life. What in God's name had just happened here before, so that Gary seriously believed that this eerie fellow was driving around here like a ghost, causing him to be a mortal fright? While Robbie was concerned with this one question, he noticed that he had just given himself the answer. After such an intimidating and frightening experience, Gary could only laugh at some kind of madness. One, most likely in the form of his rapist who obviously did not want to let go.

"Anyway. He's gone now ...or do you see him still?" Robbie asked cautiously whether he still saw this perverse bastard.

What Gary told him, however, with a sobbing and repulsive tone, as well as with a tired head-shaking, that this hallucination had dissolved for the time of being. 

Only after Robbie Gary had given four or five more minutes to be able to calm down, he finally found the strength to get rid of Robbie. He got the necessary support, which he obviously needed at least as a starting point, through the cold wall to which he leaned. With his eyes closed and completely breathless, he somehow tried to hold in his body the remaining warmth that Robbie had previously given him with his embrace. To do this, he pulled his legs toward the upper body so he could clasp them with his healthy arm. When Gary opened his extremely tired eyes for a crack and then a single tear rushed over his heated cheek, he was at that moment something like this and absolutely grateful to him that he had left out the light. Through a thin gap, between the locked door and the floor, a little light penetrated, but it wasn’t even enough to fill the room.

"Are you feeling better now?" He heard the soft voice of Robbie.

Since Gary still felt terrible, which is not likely to be so fast, his answer was of course negative, and so he could only shake his head. What was somehow ridiculous. Even though he didn’t seem to laugh at all, his corners of his mouth turned a small smile. How could he give Robbie his answer by means of a gesture, while there was an absolute darkness in the whole room. Because of this, his slightly turned-around smile flew just as fast as it had come.

"Not really." Gary finally let him know after a half-eternity with a brittle voice and asked directly about the connection, what Robbie had thought of tearing him out of his usual environment, "Why? ...Why did you bring me here? I didn’t want that. You promised me."  
"I am sorry. ...Actually, I didn’t want to break my promise against you, really. ...But after you were asleep, and I saw you with your shoulder, I had no choice but to take you to a doctor. You should know, however, that I’ve played with me whether I should do it or not. ...I... I didn’t want to see you torture yourself with pain." Robbie sincerely apologized for his actions and explained by the way that he had only thought about his well-being.  
"I understand. You only meant it well. ...But still, you shouldn’t have done it."  
"I shouldn’t have done that? Gaz, you cannot ask me to ignore your obvious pain. Maybe I cannot take your soul, but I cannot stand idly by your physical ailments."  
"Please, Rob. Don’t do it at the next time. I ...I need this physical pain. It ...it helps me to forget!"  
"I cannot do it." Robbie hurriedly said, with a small voice.  
"Rob. Please. I ...I don’t want you...!" Gary wanted to point out to him that he needed him by his side and now more than ever.  
"...To force?" Robbie finished, at least from his point of view, his sentence and let his little friend know at once that he couldn’t watch Gary get himself, "No. No matter what you say, I'm not guaranteed to be able to watch you finish your own. ...And then, hour by hour. Day after day. I beg you ...that you cannot ask of me."  
"Actually, I wanted to say I needed you at my side. You are the only one I can turn to. If ...if I lose you now, then ...then.... I don’t even want to think about that." Gary's sobbing after the first sentence became more intense again, and, wasn’t meant to think about what it would be like if he didn’t have Robbie now.  
"Oh, Gaz. Come ...come here." Robbie could only get over his thin lips, and after he had sat down with the words on the left side of his mate, he put one arm around his shoulders.

 

As soon as Robbie had cautiously put an arm around his shoulder, Gary couldn’t help but lay his hard-head on the shoulder of his friend. This position, of course, was not exactly optimal and comfortable at the same time, but he took the warmth of Robbie again. Knowing him at his side, really did more than just good. Despite their somewhat complicated relationship to one another, they couldn’t and wouldn’t be without each other. It was like a well-kept and longtime marriage that had its ups and downs. Just a few years ago, he would never admit it openly, but Robbie had always had a special place in his heart. The fact that the latter was now sitting by his side and gave him a strong shoulder to lean on, once again proved that there was more than a deep friendship between the two.

"We can do it somehow." Robbie whispered after a while, pulling him so cautiously, without causing any pain.

Although Gary didn’t believe it, he nodded easily. Somehow he was told that this was far from over. What would happen if this perverse bastard, who was still out there free, was behind him and who knows what else? By this very thought alone, his entire body scarcely began to tremble appreciably. He didn’t even want to imagine what he could do with him. The fear that it could happen again at any time rose again in the immeasurable and its trembling reached meanwhile the next stage, whereby Robbie couldn’t even miss it.

"Hey. What's wrong? You're cold?"  
"What ...what if he's coming back?"  
"He will not. Not while I'm by your side, okay? ...I will know how to prevent this by using my life. Promised." Robbie assured him that there would be no way to do so, and promised to give him protection, even if he had to give up his own life.  
"And if he kills you? I ...I don’t want to lose you too. ...You must not leave me alone."  
"Please do not worry about that. No one can kill me so fast. If it is after me, it will not happen. ...And even if it should happen, which I don’t believe, you’re not alone. There is still a How, Jay and Mark. They're on your side."  
"Maybe, but they’re not like you. Like ...as I said, you're the only one I can ever turn to. ...I just want you!" Gary let Robbie know that he didn’t let anyone get to him.  
"I already know that I am special and your trust in all honors, but don’t you look too emotional now? They’re your best friends and will always stay with you forever. You know I'm not modesty in person, but the three were, and are a better friend than you are, than I would ever be." Robbie admitted openly that he was not exactly the kind of friend you could wish for, and asked cautiously how he came to him, "How do you know I'm the only one you can get at you?"  
"Apart from the fact, that you have entered my house and found me first under the shower? ...You know how Mark and Jay are. While Mark eventually becomes an emotional wreck himself, Jay can take you with his psychotics around the mind and that I cannot use now. That would be too much for me."   
"I can only understand this very well and must agree with you. Jay can really exaggerate it. ...In this way, the two of them don’t come into question. But what’s about How? He is not as emotional as Mark and does not have the psychoanalytic thinking as Jay has it. So he would have to come to you really quite well and would be the better choice than me."

When Robbie Howard's name came into his mouth, Gary felt a momentary aversion to the older one of the band. Since this morning he had been extremely menacing, and apparently had just been about to explode, he felt more than uncomfortable in his presence. But if Gary was honest with himself now, he had to stand, he was afraid of Howard. A fear, that went deep under his skin. He would never have thought that before one of his best friends he would have a fundamental and profound anxiety, which would rob him of his mind and to hallucinate at him. A hallucination, where in his eyes, he mutated into a monster and abused him for his perverse desires. 

On this frightening thought, Gary put a hand on his squat eyes for further self-protection and tried to get rid of this picture somehow with a violent head shake. What didn’t even him in the approach succeeded it. Since at the moment it was impossible to think of an escape and thus appeared to be completely impossible, he desperately sought his salvation in the strong and protective arms of Robbie.

Without thinking hard about what might be behind this reaction, Robbie took his little boyfriend into an intimate and protective embrace. Which, of course he didn’t want to withhold from him. After giving Gary a minute or so to get him to calm down from an obvious panic attack, he advised what Gary had been trying to escape into his arms.

"I can be wrong, of course, but can it be ...that you are afraid of How?" Robbie whispered his first guess, whereupon Gary saw a nod.

At first Robbie had hoped that Gary would not confirm his guess, and that it could be a wrong approach. However, he was taught a better one by him and gradually got a picture of what had happened here. Because of his fear of Howard, determined by the incident of this morning, he had to seek his salvation in the small bathroom and finally entrenched himself here. From Robbie's current point of view, the finished puzzle would look something like this. ... And the actual result Robbie more than just voiced your voice. So Gary was really alone. In this abysmal and black world, where Gary had been caught, and no prospect of escape was shown to him, he needed more than urgent a rock in the surf to which he could cling. While he held Gary in his arms and offered him a rock, he let him know quietly that he didn’t have to worry. He would be careful already, not giving him a chance to kill him or himself.

As Gary clung to himself as if it were about his life, Robbie began to sing even softly in his ear after a while. A song, that’s called itself Different and was thus completely unknown for Gary to date. Because of the sensitivity and ease with which Robbie it sang, and also from the lyric, Gary also showed its effect. After Robbie had left a little more than two-thirds behind him, Gary could actually let him go to sleep. No sooner had he finished the song, he added a faint, "I love you," and pressed a small kiss on his temple.


	9. You're Stuck In A Hole And I Want You To Get Out

About three or four hours were to go to the country since Robbie freed Gary from his wet-cold prison, brought him here to the hospital, sung him into sleep, and had found his little friend the way back to bed shortly thereafter. After the new cabling of Gary’s, all friends had remained so long until they were eventually asked by the chief physician personally. Since the four agreed that Gary couldn’t be alone now, they gave the treating physician, of course with a request for confidentiality, pure wine and then let him know that Gary was going through a very difficult and unsightly separation. On this revelation and the promise not to tell anybody about it, he gave the friends right that his newest and famous patient should by no means be alone. Under the condition that no more than two people should be in the room, he finally gave the guys his consent. To make the whole thing officially for the few days, he had also put up a quick letter, if anyone should ask questions from the staff.

So it was because of this one condition that the doctor had still pressed on the eye that Robbie was now the only one who was sitting with Gary on the bed of the patient and so he watched over him. As Robbie was not willing and did not want to be dissuaded from pulling away from Gary, Howard and Jason had finally given in and thus cleared the field for this and Mark. But Mark could not stand it on Gary's side too long. In the constant sight of Gary, the urgent need grew into the arms of his wife Emma. Whereupon he just couldn’t stay longer. 

Now that Robbie was alone again with Gary, he was pushed more and more into the corner by the growing silence and felt an immense pressure that heavily weighed on his shoulders. With every second that passed, this unbearable burden felt as if he were carrying the entire weight of the world. Knowing what had happened to Gary last night dragged his nerves so hard that he could barely make a clear thought. In his head, thousands of questions whirred around, to which he hadn’t even a single answer. But over all these questions there was one that cried correctly for the reason. ...Why Gary? Why?

As his thoughts circled around the big Why, his mobile phone suddenly announced, which demanded his attention. Actually, Robbie didn’t have the slightest desire to go, but by the ringtone, it could only be Ayda. In the same breath, where he was fishing his mobile phone from his pocket, he glanced quickly at the speed of his watch. Since the big pointer already indicated after seven o'clock in the evening, he wondered why he had not thought of reporting to her. His friendship with Howard, Jason and Mark in all honors, but he would certainly have used Ayda more than the others. Besides Gary ...and also Mark, she was once the most important person in his life at all. She had made him to a better man than he was a few years ago. With Ayda he had clearly drawn the big lot. He couldn’t wish for a better woman on his side. 

As soon as Robbie had accepted the conversation, he could already hear the voice of his beloved, who immediately fell into the house with the door and asked where he would remain. When he mentioned something about being in the hospital, Ayda got a sudden shock and thought that something bad had happened with him. Robbie could calm her down by telling her that he wasn’t the one who had done anything and needed a hospital stay. However, he didn’t want to tell her on the phone what had happened and asked her to come here. At this request, Ayda had no choice but to go to her husband, if she wanted to know what was going on.

 

In contrast to his previous behavior, which Robbie had shown this day, he couldn’t this time even turn his look away from the clock. Constantly, he had to check whether the time had pity him and didn’t wait too long for Ayda to turn up here. What happened after half an hour. There was a knock at the door. With the subsequent opening, Ayda was already looking and wanted to know the same breath that had happened. But when she saw Gary, she stopped abruptly and fell in silent.

"Ayda. Finally, you're here." Robbie stood up and had to take her into her arms.

While he gave her the greatest possible hug, and her sweet perfume in his nose, Robbie pressed his lips to hers and could not let her give her a big kiss. Just as Mark had been, he also felt the need to go to the spouse's arms and confess once more his sincere love. Although Ayda had nothing to do with such a greeting and would welcome it at any time, she had the uneasy feeling that behind this attack something serious would have to be.

"Rob. What the hell is going on, you cannot tell me on the phone?"  
"It ...it's just that what I'm going to tell you right now, it’s not straightforward. ...Something like that should not be pressed by a thin telephone cable. I'm also aware that this is not the perfect place for it ...but I cannot leave Gary alone." Robbie tried to tell her his dilemma, but he didn’t know how to cut the subject and threw it in the meantime a worried look to his sleeping friend.  
"Rob. Please. Come to the point, and don’t let every single word out of your nose."  
"Sit down first." Robbie asked her to take a seat.

At Robbie's request, she sat down on a chair in the corner and looked at her husband somewhat expectantly, but also somewhat anxiously. Just as he was just there and obviously struggling with the words, it had to be something serious. As he rubbed both hands on his face and rubbed his tired eyes several times, her concern for him grew more and more. After he had lowered his hands again, and looked at Ayda with slightly reddish eyes, she noticed that he was completely finished with the world. Although she had often seen her husband in a bad state, but as he was present, was still new.

"Babe? Is everything okay with you?" She asked cautiously for his highly questionable psyche.  
While Robbie shook his head briefly, he sat down at Gary on the bed, looked at him with a fixed look, and telepathically apologized to him for his further action, he finally whispered, "You know I trust you more than one hundred percent, but you must swear to me this time, to keep it for you."  
"I promised you it high and holy. No matter what you will tell me now, no one will know about me."

Robbie nodded at her promise, and then let her know, in a brittle voice, what Gary had done in the last forty-eight hours.

 

In the wake of this hair-raising and more than terrifying story, Ayda simply did not know what to say. An unpredictable separation, and then a rape over the next night, was... No. She could not pronounce it so easily, or even think about it. Not even her worst enemy, she would want to want something like that and Gary certainly not. Since she liked Gary very much and liked him more than just a good friend, this whole story was very close to her now. In spite of one or the other bug, Gary was the most decent man she ever knew. For this reason it was incomprehensible for her how to do this at all. Above all, this separation. What was Dawn thinking about it? Ayda had always been of the opinion that nothing in the world could divide the two. Not even for the money that the world meant. No. This was simply impossible. So, how could it be that the Dawn had quietly and secretly made it with the children? For someone who was a pure family man, that had to be more than a blow in the stomach, the pain would never stop completely.

...And as far as this rape is concerned, she doesn’t want to know what could have opened up for abysses in Gary. Although Gary possessed a very strong character, he also had his limits which could be reached sometime. Which, he had already clearly exceeded. That Robbie didn’t want to leave him now was absolutely understandable. In such a state, Gary should definitely not be left to himself. He needed a friend more than ever.

After a minute-long and icy silence, Ayda switched on her mind at some point and wanted to know from her husband first how he wanted to advance now. Because from her point of view, there wouldn’t be much to talk about the happenings of the past forty-eight hours, and maybe now perhaps Gary would have a feeling about it, but you also had to remember that there was a crime. A crime, that should be punished in any case.

"And how is it going to go now? ...Don’t get me wrong now, I like Gary as much as you do, and I'm just as hurt to see him now, but wouldn’t it be better if you forgot all this before and give up an ad against unknown?"  
"You may be right, but what is the point? This guy is already over all mountains."  
"The police will already know how to find him."  
"And how is that supposed to work without a rough personal description? So far, Gaz hasn’t lost a single word about it and I wouldn’t want to force him to recall the pictures of the last night." Robbie didn’t want to expose his friend unnecessarily to further tortures and let her know just the way he would go on, "I thought I'd take him home for the first time and stay with him for a few days."  
"Rob. You can not seriously consider retiring with Gary alone on his huge estate and throwing one eye at him. This is insane. ...You're making yourself completely ready." Ayda tried to dissuade him from his idea.  
"If the price is, I'll pay it." Robbie had somehow the feeling to have to prove himself, and wanted to give back to Gary from all friendship.  
"Your friendship with Gary in all honors, but you haven’t to do it. Just as I know Gary, he would not want you to sacrifice himself for him." Ayda felt that he didn’t have to prove his friendship.  
"But there’s nothing left for me. I'm the only one he's ever letting go of. He only wants me."  
"I can understand that you will not let him down now, and even without thinking about the consequences. ...But I assure you that you will eventually go into it. You have to know for yourself best and know that you run out of patience. What do you want to do if this happens? ...And believe me, sooner or later it will happen."  
"Now you're right again. ...I haven’t thought of that now. But what should I do?"  
"I think I have a much better idea. ...We'll get Gary with us! With us, he would surely feel more secure than in his own four walls and isn’t always being chased by any memories of Dawn and the children when he walks around the house. It is certainly in your interest that he is not also himself in some way tormented. As in the physical, as well as in the spiritual sense. ...While you are at Gary's side and have more than one eye on him, I will act in the background and support you as much as I can. Of course, so I don’t stand between you. What do you mean?" Ayda finally suggested taking Gary to himself. 

Robbie looked at her, realizing once again that he couldn’t wish a better woman by his side. She wasn’t only a beauty, but also wise and possessed a sense of humor, which wasn’t even the least of his time. When Ayda let it matter, she could be as messed up as he was. In response to what he thought of this idea, Robbie stood up briefly, went over to her, and said, "You're really the best. I don’t really know what I deserved you for.", a fat kiss on her lips. This idea was simply worth gold.

"To be honest, I always ask myself this." Ayda could only return cheekily.

Although Robbie didn’t seem to laugh, he gave his wife at least a small smile and hugged her. He really couldn’t be happier. A great woman, every day she fell in love with her again. Friends, who had taken him back in their midst and were therefore for him as brothers. But one of his brothers needed him now more than ever. He did not want anyone to do what was happening in Gary's life. Robbie would immediately want to change the place with Gary without hesitation. That was no question at all.

 

After Robbie had entrusted himself to Ayda, he waited impatiently for the salvation to finally come. But what didn’t happen. It was true that he could free himself from this untiring burden, but the feeling of relief was simply not going to happen. Instead, an icy emptiness arose, which he had never yet felt. In his life so far, he has often sat in a hole, but this time it was clearly different. He wasn’t alone. But as his gaze became more and more transfigured, and a further abyss opened in the said hole, his sufferer was suddenly torn into an eternal void. Before this person was completely enveloped by a new form of darkness, Robbie was able to grab it at his wrist, thus preventing the long-lasting fall. When he thought he had a grip on him, Robbie tried to pull his partner back, somehow. As soon as he had done it, he was instantly gripped by an invisible force and dragged him back into absolute darkness. At the same time, his fellow prisoner, had almost torn him out of the almost secure grip and were thus only holding hands. In this tricky situation, with its dwindling power, it was almost impossible to pull it up again. And so it happened that they lost each other. Within a fraction of a second, the falling man was already encircled by a monstrous darkness, and Robbie could only hear his voice and call him. ...Gary's voice.

However, since Robbie did not want the picture to be true, he had to be strong for Gary alone. To lose him to an abyss, nothing came into question. As far as that was not allowed. He'd want to do anything to keep Gary somehow.

For about half an hour, Ayda gave her loved one the necessary moral support until, with his consent, she set off on the way home, if necessary, for the time to come with Gary to finish one or the other task and left Robbie with it alone again. As soon as she had disappeared, Robbie took off his shoes and made himself, comfortable at the other end of the bed with his legs bent. With his arms crossed on his knees, he gazed at Gary Incoming and watched as his breast moved up and down at regular intervals. This sight definitely had something soothing and seemed almost hypnotic to Robbie. Within a short time, he slowly drifted out of the here and now and dozing off more and more, until he eventually fell into the soothing sleep. It had been more than just a hard day, which he wouldn’t forget so quickly. At first he had already feared that Gary's body was a deadly disease, then he was beaten by him with no thought, and finally had to learn that his best friend had just passed a hard-hitting separation and was raped the next night by a perverse bastard. It couldn’t be any worse. It was simply impossible. All in one, this day looked like the purest horror. Who wouldn’t want to escape into the safe world of sleep ...and just that, Robbie just did.

 

However, the fortune that he wanted to give his own body at least a small thirty-minute break wasn’t even given to him in the least. After about a quarter of an hour, he was frightened by a nightmarish Gary. Just as he was struggling wildly with an arm, almost screaming his throat, it must have been quite a nightmare. So that he did not stir up half the hospital, Robbie instantly stepped out of his position and tried his best to calm Gary again. Taking him into his arms, he whispered to Gary over and over again that this was only a nightmare and he had nothing more to fear because of his existence. To prove that he was still at his side and had not turned away from him at all, Robbie squeezed his friend a little kiss on his temple, just as he knew it.

"Rob?" Gary exclaimed shortly afterwards out of breath.  
"Yes. It was just a nightmare. Okay? It's over. ...You don’t need to be afraid now." Robbie tried to persuade him that this was just a dream.  
"God. ...It was so terrible, so real." Gary sobbed, hand pressing his eyes.  
"Believe me, the nightmare is over. You have nothing to fear now. It's over."  
"And what ...what if, ...if it could still be true?"  
"It will not. I'm with you. As long as I'm at your side, nothing will happen to you."  
"Perhaps ...it would be better ... if you stay away from me."  
"I will definitely not. I'll stay by your side, no matter what you say. Nobody will be able to stop me. Not even for the money the world means."  
"But ...but I don’t want to see you again ...die for my sake and in front of my eyes ...and then in reality!” Gary told him a small part of what he had just dreamed of.  
"Gaz. Please. ...I understand perfectly that you just want to live out the most dreaded and would rather push me away from protection from you. Don’t make yourself ready now, too, by running away before all and seeking solitude. Don’t do this to me, and above all, to yourself. Since I get so afraid that, I could lose you again. ...Somehow I see it before me, how I find you in a stinking gutter, and with your pants down! ...I beg of you to save me this sight.” Robbie didn’t want Gary to sacrifice himself for anything, and by the way, he let him know that because of a possible rejection, he would live through certain fears.

Since Gary knew this image all too well and didn’t want to experience it again, the events of the last night penetrated inside him, causing him to fall into a vast emptiness where the light of the world couldn’t follow him. Except for a burning sting at the neck and his right arm, which then began to ache again, his whole body suddenly felt more than just numb and Gary couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was taken of all the body functions. As if frozen, he was now sitting there and had to be raped again in his mind, by this faceless fellow. At the same time some tears came to him, which in a fraction of a second from his corner of his eye and thus unstoppably his reddish cheek down. 

When Robbie finally realized that Gary was no longer the master of his senses, a voice was loud in him, telling him that he wasn’t entirely innocent in his present state. Oh God. What on earth had he done again? The hole in which Gary was already vegetating was already deep enough. To pull the proverbial ground under his feet, as if he were going to push him deeper into this hole than he already was. What Robbie, of course didn’t want to do to his friend in the least. But his friendship was much too valuable to him. This raised the question of what he could have said, which could justify Gary's current behavior.

"Gaz? ...Hey. If I had said something wrong, then I am truly sorry. That was not my intention. You know I would never want to do something to you again. For this, our friendship is far too valuable to me." Robbie started a vague attempt to clean his conscience somehow.

But even to his apology, Gary didn’t even react in the least. He just sat there with a blank look and could no longer be reached for any reason. Not even by a simple touch could his little friend be brought out of his lethargy. The fear that Gary might have been rid of him and thus escaped into a world where he couldn’t even follow him, grew ever more immeasurable and made Robbie slowly panicked. Gary couldn’t now turn away from him because of a nightmare. This would be like a death sentence for him. No. Robbie was not allowed to give up and had to try to get him out of this vegetative state. Out of sheer desperation, although he spoke against his new ethics, he had no choice but to grab Gary roughly on his damaged shoulder and give him a slap.

On this quite unfriendly activity, Gary immediately awoke as expected from his lethargy and felt a huge pain-wave, which flooded his entire body. As a natural consequence of this, Gary was blind to the obvious pain and began to sob with accelerated breathing. The subsequent excuse of Robbie that he had got him one took Gary as good as not at all true. Instead, he tried to keep the physical pain for a while. For this helped him to make the image of being raped, forgotten. ...And that was the only thing he wanted at the moment. To forget!

It was hard enough for him to be dropped by his own little family from one day to another day, but this one more than a frightening and frightening experience went far beyond eternity. It was said in a proverb that nothing was done for eternity, but how could he ever forget such a deeply dramatic event? No matter where he was hiding in this world, it would follow him everywhere. To evade him completely was an act of impossibility. Especially, when he was plagued by some nightmares or was unintentionally reminded by a friend.

After the pain had subsided, Gary blinked several times at this gray and watery veil, which severely impaired his vision and thus equaled any environment with a dull fish pond. As soon as his eyes had cleared up, he immediately fell into the green eyes of his friend. As Robbie had an indescribable and amazing warm aura, Gary couldn’t help but throw himself at his broad chest. As he clung to Robbie's shirt with one hand, he begged him with tears to make sure that he didn’t want to do it again.

"Please. Don’t do this to me."  
"As I said already, I'm sorry I got you a slap one, but you had left me no other choice. I cannot allow my best friend to turn away from me, and I'll be forced to watch you finish your own." Robbie said and apologized once more for his somewhat questionable behavior.  
"No. I ...I mean the picture. ...This is exactly how I ...I’ve found myself this morning." Gary told him that this one picture had already assumed its relative features.  
"Fuck." Robbie said quietly to himself, and should’ve known that Gary could not be found otherwise, "I'm sorry. I should have known it better."

Immediately for Robbie the picture was already in front of his own eyes and could in the true sense lucky that he hadn’t stumbled upon him. It was much better for him to find Gary fully dressed under a cold shower than in any goddamn stinking alley. In a place where the rats spread and occasionally, sometimes a lost homeless man who desperately sought for a night a safe and dry place to sleep. Thanks to him, Gary had already been on the ground, but that one day he could sink so deeply, he would never have thought possible. But if Gary had not known Dawn at his side, where would the singer stand today? Robbie simply could not take this idea off and did not want to imagine it. So now, especially his behavior at the time, Gary opposed him, more than just everything else extremely sorry. Just for this reason, Robbie replied, hugging him as tightly as he could. 

"Please. Don’t remind me of that. I ...I just want to forget all this ...what the guy did to me. ...How he dislocated out my arm. ...The syringe ...with which he has ...stunned me. ...The ...the ra...!" Gary lost control of his thin and brittle voice, until this finally failed him completely.

The subsequent collapse couldn’t be stopped. So a crying Gary clung more and more to Robbie’s breast as if he were a safe hiding place, where all the memories of the past forty-eight hours couldn’t follow him. Robbie's warm body offered him the only safeguard he could think of as good and safe. While Gary drenched his friend's shirt within a few seconds, he was already taken by him in a warm embrace. Although he was surrounded in this dark hole by an ice coldness, which really had in him and thus demanded a lot from him, Robbie nevertheless gave him the feeling of a residual heat that was still burning somewhere on a low-voltage flame. But it was actually Robbie who kept this tiny flame of hope alive. That he had even gone down to his personal hole for him to get him out somehow, even spoke to keep Robbie by his side. To push him away from him now, just to avoid seeing that he could find death because of him was stupid. This would be the biggest mistake he could ever make. Gary needed him more than ever. This gave Robbie's return a completely new meaning.

...At least in Gary's eyes.


	10. The Nights Were Always Warm With You Holding You Right By My Side

While time was tirelessly ticking and the sun was becoming more and more nourishing to the West, where she began the last hour of the day and dipped the sky in warm colors. Where in the East, on the other hand, the darkness had already begun and which’s claiming its rightful place in the form of the night for itself. In itself it had been quite a considerable day, if there was not a huge shadow. An eternal shadow, who’s with his icy cold fingers, licked some unhappy, soulless body and drew it out of a spell and from which no one could save himself by his own strength. Only with the help of an outsider, an escape was still possible. But which wasn’t made easy. But even if it succeeded, there was the danger that this shadow would take off his extremely long arm and thus force everything to a new beginning. ...It was like, a captivity in an eternally lasting loop.

And for the latest access, it was more than that. This devil's circle had only just begun and the poor guy was already with his nerves at the end. Only with the help of a sincere and warm embrace of a friend close to him could he just escape. But for how long? His flame of life would sometimes also come to an end and he would have returned to his own fortress of solitude. But where’s he didn’t want to go back. 

 

After Gary had told Robbie in brief words, with which pictures he was confronted and reminded every time, Robbie could only give his little friend a hug, just as he needed it at the moment. One that Gary should give more than just friendship, security and to be there for the other. But when Gary then spoke of an injection, taking his free will and all his body functions, Robbie couldn‘t let any more be given to one of his tears. That Gary had also been injected with a muscle blocker was too much for him. While a thick tear took the path and began to whip down his cheek, he looked more than sadly out of the slightly open window. With the help of the passing sun, he tried his worries and fears to banish Gary somehow into the farthest corner of his brain. But he did not even manage to get it. For this, Gary's dilemma was much too much present. He would need some time for himself to deal with it but Robbie also knew that Gary did not have it. So he had to miss a kick out of his own to get into the proverbial hooves. ...Already alone for Gary.

"I promise you that will doesn’t happen again ...and then you can forget it anyway. You’re strong enough to master this very difficult hurdle of your life. You have the strength. I know you can do it." Robbie let him know after an eternity that he had the strength to forget this terrible story one day.  
"And what if not?"  
"Believe me. With the power that’s in you, you can do it. ...You're much stronger than I am."  
"No. ...You’re the stronger. I ...I’ve never really ...possessed this strength. It was always Dawn, who ...had given me ...the strength."  
"And since Dawn is gone, you now feel lost and you cannot return to your old strength without them. Isn’t it?" Robbie understood just as Gary had to feel that way.

To confirm this, Gary just nodded into the embrace and did not try to think of Dawn. But what turned out to be absolutely futile. But their separation was much too fresh and the memories of the woman of his life wouldn’t fade so quickly. Not so long as he still had her sweet-smelling perfume in his nose and her lively laughter still solidified in his auditory passages. With the most beautiful portrait of Dawn in front of his eyes, Gary buried himself so deeply in embrace Robbie's until he felt that the latter cut off his air, but he ended up in a bitter convulsion. Why did Dawn do this to him? Why? The understanding of what Dawn made to this hasty separation, Gary did not even have an approach.

"So it’s good. Just leave it out. ...You don’t have to go through it all alone. I’m always there for you. No matter what comes." Gary eventually heard the voice of his friend, after he had begun to calm down again, "As soon as you get out of here, I'll take you with me. With me, you will surely feel much more secure than in your own four walls. Of course, only if you do not mind."  
Whereupon Gary could only shake his head, but he also had a little bit of misgivings about it and brought this one point also sobbing, and a bit afraid: "What ...what about Ayda? No offense, but ...but I cannot."  
"Hey. Calm down. It's really all right. I promise you that she can stay out of everything and you don’t even see her. The whole thing is even their idea." Robbie hurried to get something down to his little friend, who apparently threatened to hyperventilate this thought, and, as he had already told him, his body in a pure inferno was standing.  
"Her ...her idea?" Gary could only produce with a trembling voice.  
"Her idea. First I wanted to settle down with you. But Ayda however, advised me against this and that it would be better for you to stay with us."  
"Is this supposed to mean that..."  
"Yes. She knows. That with Dawn and your.... Well, you know that others have happened to you. ...I'm sorry, but I had to trust someone. What you had to go through last night is ...is more under my skin than I thought, and ...when I look at you now, this tremendous rage rises in me again on this bastard who did this to you. Just for Ayda to love and for your sake, I try my best to keep my legs still and not to go through." Robbie told him that Ayda knew about everything and that he could run amok at any time. 

Somehow, Robbie could not bring his heart over this terrible story to take Gary's rape into his mouth and pronounce it by the name. Especially then not, when the victim was in his arms right now. Just as he had confessed to Gary just a few seconds ago, he was now quite mute after violence and to beat this perverse guy of a bastard hospital-ripe. Even for Gary, he still had to keep the calm even if it was clearly against the grain. In his name, he would only want to retaliate. But if Robbie, just to get his retribution, ran off and chased this one guy through all of England, he was in danger of getting himself a case. What he couldn’t do to Gary. He needed him now more than ever, and Robbie was not going to let his friend down. No. Definitely not. 

"As I said, she will only act in the background. Help me that I would not lose my patience anyway and what could do stupid. ...You must understand that. I need someone to my side, which I trust to over one hundred percent. …How is it looking? Is that okay for you?" Robbie, after a brief silence, continued his further explanation of why he had confided to Ayda and hoped for Gary's understanding as well.

A few minutes passed until Gary finally struggled with an answer, but to Robbie's surprise, he simply nodded into his embrace. What a little bit of reluctance felt. If Gary wanted to know Robbie and no one else at his side, he had to accept that Ayda had confided to him and she knew what had happened to him.

"I promise you, too, that you cannot even see her." Robbie told his friend that he did not have to worry about that.  
"And what ...what’s about the others? Do they know…?"  
"No. ...Only the story with Dawn I told them. Nothing else."

 

Shortly after, after Gary was able to calm down, he loosened from the embrace with Robbie, pulled his legs to the chest and then put his left healthy arm on it. With this he took a position which actually already said everything. Even his still tearful gaze remained at a point where he slowly lost himself. Except for a strong sobbing, Gary could not at first give a single word, and so wrapped himself in an icy coat, which was called silence. Although Gary seemed to be no longer approachable from the outset, and thus more than obviously had been trapped in another world, he kneeled thoughtfully with two fingers on his lips. At the same time another tear came loose from one of the corners of his eye, and it rolled over his heated cheek, until at last Gary's three-day beard, which was no longer present, caught sight of him.

Not knowing what unknown depths Gary had already pushed forward and vanished from him, Robbie hoped fervently that he could reach his friend somehow.

"We can do it somehow. …Together!"

While Robbie gave him these warm words, he carefully put a hand on his left arm and gave his friend a small smile. Even though Gary was in a completely different world at the time, he gave him a barely perceptible nod after an eternity. Although this movement was extremely low, Robbie still registered.

Silently, the two friends were still sitting there until Gary a little half an hour raised his weak voice a bit and asked quietly at Robbie, what a song he had sung to him a few hours ago. The addressee gave him a quick look then turned it away more than just something embarrassed. Somehow the whole thing was quite unpleasant to him now. Not because of the fact that he had dedicated this one recently completed song to Gary. No. He was much more concerned about the lines. From the written point of view, he only wanted to tell him that the renewed friendship between the two meant him more than anything else and that he wanted to be a better friend for Gary in the future.

Since Robbie also knew that Gary needed something normal, in order to be able to forget the whole at some point, he could not deny him now. Give him what he needed more than urgently. Distance. As long as the press was not even aware of the smallest breath of air, Gary was to take full advantage of this calm before the inevitable storm. For sooner or later this storm will break over him. The only question is ...when. So all Robbie's hopes were there, while Gary was here in a public facility, nothing of it was carried outside. It was now up to him to keep the local press as far as possible from Gary. But the night was still long and in the twenty-four hours that followed, could much happen. 

Before the massive massacre began and the hunt was opened on Gary, Robbie let himself in on a simple and everyday conversation with Gary. What they had done the whole night. 

 

In this time, the two friends talked about God and the world, and within a few minutes they were able to forget everything around them. Gary even managed to make a faint smile, much to the delight of Robbie. As long as there was not a single word about this sudden and heartbreaking separation, as well as this a terrible thing from last night, the world was still quite acceptable. Although this was still ruled by a dominating darkness, a light beam arose at a distance that was difficult to estimate, but this wasn’t exactly bursting out of the conviction of life energy. It was more a small spark in a giant nothingness. A little lunatic, who was more than desperate trying to get a way back again to the bright world.


	11. There's A Voice In My Head

But somehow the longest night had an end and so the slowly rising sun hour after hour the eastern horizon. When she took her royal seat in the virgin skies with the fullest extent, nothing remained of the darkness. Thus the young day, still very young, took the long road undaunted and could not be stopped by either friend or foe. It was the destiny of life. The one moment was now mastered either by the day or the night. Choosing, it couldn’t be. Only what one made of it was left to everyone. Unfortunately, a severe fatal blow could not be ruled out and therefore could happen at any time of the day. Some of them had even to fight with several fatalities and found themselves for an indefinite time in a lost position.

After the sun had stood a little higher and the next hour had elapsed, the typical hustle and bustle of the hospital walks took on more and more shape. This also made the conversations between the staff, patients and the visitors among each other louder and thus determined the daily routine in a hospital. But what could hardly be noticed in the individual rooms

 

In one of these rooms there was still a very intense conversation about God and the world, until the door was suddenly opened without warning and a doctor, followed by another, came running in with a blowing smock. While the second complained loudly about the behavior of the former, the latter remained standing in the middle of the room and conjured up a camera as if by ghost hand, with which he wanted to get a picture of a visibly surprised Robbie and terrified Gary. No sooner did two bright flashes of light fill the room, the guy was attacked by his persecutor even from the side and more than just coarsely on the shoulders. But this one could free himself with a simple rotation from the smock and thus also from its handle. However, he had to complain about the loss of his camera. After this false doctor had turned out to be a rebellious paparazzo by his actions and disappeared quickly, the chief doctor took the camera and gave the two friends an apology for this inconvenience.

"This early retirement is really sorry for me. I thought I'd get the guy before. ...But he's lost his camera for that."  
"If you could destroy the film as a precaution, it's all right." Robbie let him know how he could retaliate.

With this words, "Nothing is better for me than that.", the doctor liked to do with his pleasure and added to what was happening outside the hospital during this executive activity: "After the Sun brought out the article this morning has that Mr. Barlow should’ve separated from his wife, you should know that out there are still around fifty, if not a hundred, more of them. But this isn’t going to happen again. Our security guards will know how to prevent it."

On the news that the hospital was properly surrounded by the paparazzi, Robbie could only smile tiredly. From the very beginning, it had been clear to him that there would be a turmoil. But the fact that the press once again turned the facts and represented Gary as too often as the evil, it stopped at Robbie abruptly. Despite a certain amount of time, he wanted to see Gary today on the side of the light, as in a secluded world, where there was no escape. No. Gary had already done all of this and had done it. Accordingly, he wished him only the very best and that he could still lead a long and happy life.

Immediately after the doctor had destroyed the film and made it disappear in the pocket of his smock, he pulled out of the other pocket a rolled up newspaper, which obviously showed the article, and passed it on to Robbie. Thanks and with mixed feelings, the singer let this scrap of paper slip into his hand, and at the same time glanced at the article, which only dripped from lies. Even the image of Gary and Dawn suggested that there must have been a big dispute between the two. But Robbie knew too well that it was not so. On that day, when the picture had come, Gary had to fight with some back pain and Dawn with a cold. There was no more. The two were simply only at a very unfavorable time. So Robbie looked up from the newspaper to his friend and could only give him a compassionate look.

"Could you do me another favor? ...Would you please put this crap here in the garbage press?" Robbie turned to the doctor again, after he had flown the written word more than read.  
"Of course." The doctor could not refuse and then directed his attention to the person who was here as a patient, "And what’s about you? Do you have any pain?"

But Gary showed little interest in his sudden sympathy. He just sat there with his eyes clasped in silence and gently shivering in his bed, and so an outsider quickly got the impression that he had to suffer great pain. But what wasn’t so. Okay. He had some. Compared to the previous day, however, they were still quite good under the influence of some painkillers. No. It was more of a psychological nature. Because of the incident with the paparazzi and the constant proximity of his doctor, Gary faced a huge conflagration that raged inside him and burned him invisible scar. The fight was futile. He tried more than desperately, but it had no purpose. Gary was now on a lost post.

 

While Gary was in the midst of a truly gigantic sea of flames and his heart beat ever more painfully against his breast, his inner unrest was also immediately registered by an EEG. With a quite annoying beep which increased due to irregularity and speed. Whereupon the doctor's instinct instantly came to the fore and allowed him to react accordingly. After a quick glance and the quick reading between the lines, which a monitor Gary’s vital values for the best gave, this tried immediately by means of a simple question and somewhat surprised to find out what was wrong with his famous patient. But Gary wrapped himself in silence. Except for his aggravated breathing, which was now heard more than clearly, about his thin lips didn’t comes even a single sound. Even another attempt to speak to him was unsuccessful, so he had no choice but to give Gary something, so he could calm down a bit. So he left the room for an indefinite time, only to reappear shortly afterwards. With a syringe in his hand. 

No sooner had Robbie seen this everyday hospital tool, he took Gary instantly in a more than just protective embrace and put his arms around him so that the doctor couldn’t give his friend an injection. No matter what he had raised. Although he already had an idea what is was. 

Already by Gary's momentary behavior, he could already imagine what it was, and since Robbie also had in mind how Gary could react to it if the doctor would get him too close to him, he had to do as quickly as possible before a disaster could happen. To protect both from himself, Robbie pulled Gary into a more than just protective hug and put his arms around him so that the doctor had no chance to give him an injection and Gary did not become a possibly unsightly activity to be misled. He begged him to make sure he didn’t have to inject Gary and that he just gave him time. He would calm down from himself as soon as he went out of the room. Since the doctor didn’t even want to tell a Robbie Williams how he could do his job, he couldn’t even do this one favor. A doctor had his patients, on the other hand, certain duties, but he couldn’t forget the Hippocratic oaths. The health of a patient should be the highest order of action. In that case Gary's health. He couldn’t leave the room at the behest of his friend. Okay. Perhaps an injection would be unnecessary in the case, but he had already had to take the visit. See whether the healing process was already underway after the operation and at least made a small step forward. After an interview and a rather tenacious negotiation, Robbie finally gave way, and gave the doctor at least the visit. Which’s he should do quickly. 

Despite the tight embrace of Gary with Robbie, he tried to defend himself against this superficial and contemplative treatment. Which’s was, of course, more than in vain. Robbie held him so firmly that he was not even able to carry out even the slightest movement. Though Gary felt the desire to push Robbie away from him and hit the doctor, he had no choice but to let this intolerable and submerged torture go on. Even the soothing words which he had whispered from his friend found little effect. But as long as a certain troublemaker in the white smock glittered with his presence and patted him on the shoulder, the whole thing was just useless. There was a hopeless struggle against the ever-increasing flames in the boundless darkness. ...He would drown miserably in this burning sea.

 

It was only a matter of seconds and even minutes later, which seemed like half an eternity, Gary heard Robbie's voice in his wadded ears as soon as he could tell him that the doctor had already finished the visit and left the room as promised. However, the long-sighted words for Gary seemed more like a hard-to-understand whisper, which after a certain period of time developed into a handy voice and groaned in his ears, that what had happened in the second last night would be repeated and that it couldn’t be prevented. It was also said that he could not hide forever in Robbie's arms. At some point you would find him and the whole thing would start again.

But the fear that he had to let this shameful, disgusting, and humiliating experience pass again in a difficult time to assess drove him deeper and deeper into embrace Robbie’s and so he tried his hot and stinking breath, which he already had in his neck felt something to ignore. But he didn’t even manage to get it. Even the gentle strokes of Robbie couldn’t counter the whole thing. But as long as he perceived this nerve-stressing groan and brought him around his mind, this was a thing of impossibility. Then Gary could get so much of Robbie's embrace as he wanted, ...it brought nothing. 

After half an hour, the two friends were still in the arms of the other, and it was more Gary, who was almost buried alive by Robbie. However, this more than a protective embrace slowly became compassionate and so it happened that it fell apart within a few seconds. When Gary felt the sudden change, he spoke to Robbie in a whisper, hoping that he would give him another warm hug. Not only because he was a little chilly, but also because of the fact that the still-existing voice in his head gradually began to become indistinct. The physical proximity to his friend didn’t only do well, it even let him know that he wasn’t alone, and this showed a certain mental relief that Gary finally felt. That Robbie helped him in his most difficult time meant quite a lot for Gary. He was, indeed, the only friend to whom he could lean without hesitation. A friend he now needed more than anything else. 

The person addressed, however, neither showed an emotion nor gave a tiny tone. Robbie was asleep.

Although Gary felt quite comfortable and secure in the arms of his new best friend, he also knew that Robbie needed his sleep and that he had not slept for more than twenty-four hours, should he get it. So that he could pursue this, Gary freed himself somewhat reluctantly with cautious movements from his comfortably warm and humane prison that one only knew and finally threw a longing look at this one friend, whom he didn’t want to miss at his side any more. So Gary had to look after his involuntary escape now as he stood the upcoming time without Robbie. Although he was still in his immediate vicinity, he was moved to a distance where he couldn’t even reach him. ...He was alone. 

 

In order to be able to go beyond the next few hours, Gary immediately came to a position which gave him some protection from some stranger, and thus withdrew from everything as far as he could. But it was easier said than done because of the voice, which was still more than persistent in his head, and that he kept whispering that he could find him in every conceivable hiding place. But as long as he was placed on his own he had no other choice but to let this torment go on, and how long it would take to expire.

Actually, Gary was considered a changing pocket watch, but because of his experiences through the night before last, he had lost all sense of time and so a single second felt like a half eternity. As he passed a whole life with him, he tiredly eyed his peacefully sleeping friend and wished nothing more than to look at his eyelids from within and possibly find some sleep. But in spite of the immense fatigue, which had overwhelmed him a few hours ago, he could not even close an eye. As soon as he closed his eyes, he saw him right in front of him. The faceless monster ...and how he was raped and loudly laughed by him. This one image was more than shameful and humiliating enough for him, but the fear of falling asleep and the nightmares could be realistically frightened did not leave his body in the slightest quiet and demanded a great sacrifice from Gary. But since everything was still quite fresh, no one could say how long the singer would do the whole thing. Basically, Gary was one who knew how to fight and proved that he had an extraordinary perseverance. However, he belonged to the genre of human and would sooner or later reach his limits. ...This was as safe as the Amen in the church.


	12. There's No One Catching My Fall

Although the time was quite sluggish beforehand and pulled like an old gum through the day, several hours had passed. Through the bells of a not too distant church, which at this time struck twice, it was known that it was already after midday. This was a little more than half a day passed through the country, leaving the world out of there in warm colors. While some people went on their usual everyday life this Saturday, it was a normal weekend for most of them. A day like everyone else. 

So a certain Robbie Williams slowly awoke from his sleep at that hour, leaving a soft moan. The position in which he was, and who had slept more than obviously, had not been very conducive. Although he felt every bone, he felt a little bit twisted, but sleep had somehow done him good. As soon as Robbie had opened his eyes for a gap, he noticed immediately that he wasn’t at home. In the next moment, he wondered what he wanted in a sick room and how he had come here. Only when the memories of the previous day came back to his mind did his thoughts glide over to his new best friend, who just had to live through more than just a difficult time. At first, his beloved wife ran away from him with the children and then, the following night, he was attacked and raped by a perverse madman. 

While Robbie was just being crazy about this one picture, he wanted to give Gary a sympathetic look halfway through. But instead of his friend, he found only an orphaned bed. Aroused by the fear that something might be thrown to him, he instantly got to his feet and, with a bewildered gaze, searched the whole room for a crouching and self-absorbed Gary. At the same time, he secretly asked himself what he wanted to do with it. Actually, it was logical that Gary would go to a less public place for that, so he offered privacy. So he stood briefly at the door of the small bathroom, and while he was tapping a little bit hesitantly, Robbie asked, with a lowered voice, whether Gary was there. But as was to be expected, everything remained quiet. Too quiet to be exact. 

"Gary?" Robbie was now bolder by raising his voice and tapping something louder at the door.  
Because of the increased effort that was exerted on the door, it quietly slid open for a small gap, revealing a darkness that swallowed every conceivable light from one second to the other. It was not until Robbie broadened the border between light and shadow, that darkness became more and more indifferent in the interior, opening a now familiar picture. In complete darkness and seclusion, Gary was sitting in the farthest corner and at first glance he didn’t seem to have noticed him. With a few steps he hurried to get to his friend's side and also tried to gain his attention.

"Gaz? Is everything ok?"

Although Gary's eyes were open for a gap and he would have to see him, he did not react. He just sat there, pressed a hand on his left ear and muttered some incomprehensible words, which Gary kept repeating. It was as if he were trapped in his own body and obviously a corpse disguised him. Just to persuade Gary that all this was just happening in his head, not in reality, was a forgiveness of life. So Robbie had no choice but to try it on a slightly tougher pace. With great caution and with the hope that Gary would not resist, he gently grabbed his left forearm and pulled it down gently from the ear. But as it was already expected, Robbie came to rescue and he was a lot more violent than one had thought at first.

"Hey. Stay calm. It's all right. ...It’s only me. Rob." Robbie let him know during his tussle that it was only him and not someone who wanted to harm him.  
"No. …Go away. …Leave me alone." Gary was still tormented by the voice in his head and did not even give him the slightest chance of escaping from his sticky clutches.  
As Robbie could no longer look at the whole thing, he instantly covered Gary's face with both hands, and as he desperately sought eye contact, the latter spoke to him that he was not to be suppressed: "Come on, Gaz. ...No matter who or what to try to tell you, you know that's not true. For Heaven’s sake, please don’t let yourself be convinced, that you’re weak and alone.... Because you are not. The power that is in you is strong enough to get through the whole thing, and I am still there. ...But do me the favor and don’t let this voice hold you. …I beg of you for this."

As soon as Robbie had pronounced his last sentence, he was already looked at by his friend with an empty and deadly look, which consequently also scarcely nodded. Despite the harsh lighting conditions, Robbie looked at Gary visibly that he lacked any power and that he was more than ready with his world more than anything else. While Robbie took him, as usual, into his strong arms, giving him a sense of absolute security, he whispered to him that he could do it with his help.

 

Only after an eternity, Gary could finally get rid of this terrible voice and calm down with the help of Robbie's warmth. That Robbie was by his side meant a lot to him. He really gave him the feeling that his life was still far-reaching and by no means ended in a dead end. But he was still in one of them yesterday morning. But only by the thought that he was raped by a madman and thus became a part of his perverse pleasure, he felt not only the feeling of disgust but also the fear that in the near future he would have a repetition had to. What Gary did not want. For him, it was more than tragic enough that half of his world had left his cosmos, and without saying a single word. That he clung to his other half of the world was perfectly understandable. But which at the time only consisted of Robbie. He was now the only one who didn’t go through a change to a faceless monster, became too emotional or even had to punish everything. Of course, Gary wanted to keep his three other friends not too close, and condemn them because of their specific traits, but at the time he needed more a friend who didn’t even have one of these described features evenly ...and that was Robbie.

"Thank you!" Gary whispered to Robbie a little thanks, referring to the fact that this really tried his best to be a good friend, "Thank you. That you are at my side."  
"Not for that. I am only sorry for everything else that I have fallen asleep. ...That I left you." Robbie felt it as his own fault that he had driven Gary into the corner because of a mistake and leaving him completely alone.  
"Please don’t."  
"What?"  
"Excuse yourself for that. You don’t have to it. I ...I don’t want you to get your own sleep and make it yourself. It's enough already if I do. ...I would have preferred to have something like a pre-warning." Gary didn’t want Robbie to sacrifice himself for him and instead just tell him a word when his body went limp and so asked for sleep. 

That Gary had set him in the way and he simply would not allow Robbie to sacrifice himself for him and thus to renounce his well-earned sleep, Ayda had already predicted him and on this confirmation, he didn’t take it to give him a small smile. What Gary didn’t even take notice of it is. Apparently, Gary was sunk in a world, where he was already painting in intense colors the next time, as if he went back into Hypnos arms without warning.

"Hey. This will not happen again. As soon as you get out of here tomorrow, it will be a bit easier. ... I promise you, and I've got an idea how you can slowly get back to normal life." Robbie assured his little friend that he had a plan and that he had no thoughts had to make sure that he did not give himself so quickly to a tiring tiredness without a word of warning.  
"And how?"  
"How? Have you forgotten what connects us? ...Our love for music? Let's write through the nights. Just as in our earlier times. ...And even if I lie down to sleep, there are still my dogs. They may not talk, but they are always there for you and you would like to borrow a slop ear. As you can see, someone will always be by your side and will not leave you alone. ...Or maybe you have a better idea?" 

After Robbie had made his suggestion, Gary shook his head briefly and said that it sounded good for himself and that he didn’t even have the slightest objection to it. Why too? With Robbie at his side, who was more than just a good friend for him, he couldn’t imagine a better one. He lent him not only an open ear, but also a broad shoulder, which he could lean with a clear conscience. Robbie was really like the salvaging rock in the midst of a dangerous wind that kept him from the inevitable drowning. One who still gave him the air to breathe as he stifled pitifully. As a great word artist, Gary would surely come to mind about the thousands of such comparisons, but now it would all be enormous and besides, he wouldn’t it exaggerate. 

Shortly thereafter, Gary was gently asked by Robbie with a filled voice, whether it was again a matter of course and felt able to return to bed. Without losing a word about it, Gary just nodded then let his friend help. As soon as he found himself in the white bed sheet again, he wanted to give him a slightly better body feeling simply partout not open. What was also easily recognizable by his slightly tense posture. For since a paparazzo had penetrated here and the doctor had taken the visit with him, he was seized by a very marked insecurity and an unbearable coldness, which made him most extreme. He even went so far that he didn’t even feel comfortable in his own skin and just wanted to throw it off just like a snake did when the time was right. But since he was neither a snake nor a spider, he had to go through this more than unbearable feeling. In order to be able to escape from this, he had no choice but to wait till morning. But by then, several hours had to go into the country before he could say good-bye to this local, oppressive and public place for a hopefully long time.

 

After the two had more than finally finished the other half of the day and a long-lasting night, it was finally the time. The hour of farewell was here. But before the official release, Gary had to face a last visit. Which’s of course wasn’t brought without resistance. But he could only keep Robbie's help under control, without the doctor unintentionally missing one. Because of this behavior, which Gary now showed him a second time, the physician asked himself what caused him to react so violently to a simple and superficial treatment. In his opinion, this wasn’t normal. Actually, he would now allow his all-too-human nature to draw curiosity and to cautiously ask whether everything was alright with him, as well as expressing his doubts about dismissal. Maybe it would be better to keep him here for at least one day. But he had not said anything, and Robbie tried to justify Gary's behavior by whispering in his ear that he wasn’t going to talk good to the doctors at the time, as Dawn's new lover was supposed to be a one himself. On this lie, the physician for the Gary’s dilemma immediately understood and revised his statement, where he let the two in the same breath know that there were still a lot of paparazzi in front of the hospital. This meant that they had to fight their way out, but Robbie Gary didn’t want to. He should have the chance to get out somehow unseen. No matter what means. After careful reflection on how to do it, he called his three friends, Mark, Jason and Howard, and asked them for their energetic help. While Jason and Howard were concentrating on a distraction and directed the paparazzi attention to themselves Mark was supposed to be with his car and take them away from here as quickly as possible.

Said and done.

 

After a quite successful escape and a feeling endlessly long journey, they found themselves at some time on Robbie's estate, whereupon the owner could once exhale loudly. Although he'd been in that hospital for only two days, Robbie was more than visibly pleased that this sterile place was now behind him, and especially the room where he and Gary were confined. Sure. He could have complained about the accommodation, but since he had been busy with his friend all the time, it had never occurred to him. What now had stopped any longer, since it was already in the past and thus had lost any value in order to chase even a non-guided thought. At the moment he was better to focus on the essentials ...that he was more than just standing by his friend Gary, and that in the darkest hour of his life he was already more tolerable by his presence.

In the next few days Robbie really did exactly what a good friend made and he had promised Gary as well. While he was always there for him at any time of the day, the two of them often talked about God and the world, and also wrote a writing session to the next, where at the end of the week they had a fairly good and large repertoire of new songs in their owned. Which the two of them, even as soon as Gary felt willing to take a step forward and to take also into the wide world out of there. But until the time had come, there had to be a lot of water down the river. At this time, he tried to help himself with all the many small everyday things so that he could forget this whole terrible story. Okay. He would certainly never forget it, but that miserable feeling of filthiness and the constant emptiness, he should at least one day not know more than his life-longing companion. But since everything was still quite fresh, it would take some time and Gary had no choice but to continue the long and inexorable battle with himself.

But as long as a certain Robbie Williams was at his side, he no longer felt this feeling of emptiness too bad and made it more tolerable. Only when Robbie lay down to sleep, leaving Gary alone for a few hours, that emptiness instantly increased to a frightening size and filled him completely again. ...Then he fell into a lethargic state every time and thus lost all relation to reality.

But with all the many dogs on his side, which he got from Robbie all received, he didn’t feel better. Only Robbie had the strength to get him out of this insane deep and cold hole, and even though Gary had told him that for his sake he should not give up on his sleep. On the other hand, he wouldn’t like to revise this statement, but on the other hand he could not allow Robbie to sacrifice himself. Because of the fact that he was always in a state of conflict with himself, Gary was again lamenting this agonizing and moaning voice, and thus drove him to the ill-treatment to be able to pass these hours without Robbie anyhow.

 

And so the days passed. Always in the same rhythm. Day after day. While Gary and Robbie were working on their new, special friendship during the day, the two of them sat down at sunset, where they made their creativity unified and finally put it on paper. Their write sessions always came to an end only in the midnight hours. At that time, Robbie was usually led by his fatigue, so he went to bed to sleep at least a few hours. However, as he didn’t want to know Gary for too long alone and wanted to start the day with new powers, he was also anxious not to prolong the nightly silence. So every night, when he went to bed, Robbie re-entered the alarm of the alarm clock. Five hours should be enough for it. It was just an hour more than half that an adult person needed to sleep, but through his career he knew how to deal with it and therefore had no major problems getting up a bit earlier. However, he could easily be in danger of not putting the alarm clock some time. The resultant consequences would then not only have been avoided but also absolutely unthinkable. ...Sooner or later, Robbie would already forget it, causing an avalanche to happen unintentionally.

At times, this misfortune happened much earlier than thought, and thus took its course. After Robbie had left Gary completely exhausted for night rest and left him alone with his dogs for the next five hours, everything was still quite normal. Well, except for the fact that Gary, like every night, also retreated into some corner and with half-open eyes stayed awake. Despite the many dogs he was surrounded, he didn’t feel any better. Especially not when he was always reminded by this one voice, that any kind of flight was futile and that a repetition of all this was inevitable. During the first few nights he had tried to distract himself by writing, but this wasn’t exactly successful. He didn’t even get a single sentence. It was simply futile. Since then, he had given a completely different picture to the whole, as Gary sought contact with one of the slightly bigger dogs and helped him to recover at least a small bit of body feeling. Until the dawn he succeeded, but the remaining hours were more than just the torment. The only thing that would still keep him up was the hope that Robbie would take pity on him and wake up from his well-earned sleep earlier. Although it had never happened before, but only the thought of it, usually enough to be able to even somehow pass these few hours. ...As long as he was under a cold shower.

Even if the cold water could no longer wash him and get rid of this still sticking mud feeling, the cool water gave him back, which so far only a Robbie was able. His body feeling. Gary simply needed the knowledge that he still existed. That he was still in the here and now. With this method he could still keep himself in the same way, but by this icy rain, which was continually pounding upon him from above, his miserable insensibility. was unintentionally amplified and forced him to more drastic means. Whereupon his further action involved the fact, that Gary led to a razor blade. Since he wanted to keep his self-destructive behavior hidden from Robbie, he was looking for a place where no one could even look at him at a glance, how deeply his inner abysses now really went. The inside of his thighs. Gary certainly knew that he was making things worse, but there was no other way. He needed the physical pain. Through all the many released endorphins, which then joined together to form a gigantic tsunami and flooded his entire body with a warm feeling, he could forget this whole story for a moment.

But since Robbie did not show up on this morning at the approximate and usual time, Gary always wanted to leave the shower instead of going to the bathtub instead for some reasons. He filled it up to half with cold water, where he then sought his salvation in this one sanitary facility. As soon as Gary was in direct contact with the cool water, he stopped for a moment and stared at the white porcelain with an empty look, which just stared back and showed him his own reflection. But what Gary saw, he didn’t like it. In order not to have to look at himself any more, he closed his eyes for a felt eternity and then fought for the fact that he finally got rid of this miserable insensibility.

Because of the icy coldness he had been exposed to for a long time, Gary began to shake more and more, and he also had growing difficulties concentrating on the cuts. As a result, what’s he actually didn’t even intend to do in the least happened. With one of these self-inflicted and rather painful injuries, he finally set the razor blade too tightly and thus not only cut the skin. To his misfortune, Gary easily caught a vein, which began to bleed at once, and entered with the water a much too short-lived connection, whereupon this was easily resolved again. Through the pain, Gary was finally able to get rid of something and while all his thoughts about the events of the last week simply puffed, he leaned back and tried to make this state as long as possible. However, this also had a price and demanded from Gary thereby a sacrifice, which he had to give immediately. ...His consciousness!

In this way, Gary lost contact with the outside world and reached a level where any kind of pain fell into absolute oblivion. An unconsciousness in itself, had something more comforting, but in the combination with at least a half-filled bathtub, the whole thing could quite easily end in a tragedy. A tragedy that’s could destroy an entire life of forever.


	13. My Pain Walks Down A One Way Street

The new day in Robbie's life should begin as usual, but on this one morning everything was different. It all started with the fact that he was not woken up by a purely inhuman alarm, but rather by something that came extremely close to a wet rag. Mind a rough rag. Okay. With all his many dogs he was woken up in this unconventional way from time to time, but most of the time it remained that they just licked him awake or even if something whined in his ear. But when suddenly the blanket was pulled away and another dog with a loud bark wanted to grab his attention, Robbie grumbled and demanded from his four-legged friends that they should let him sleep at this early morning hour in peace and try their naughty game with Gary.

"Lads. Please. ..Go and play with Gary, but please let me sleep at this inhuman hour."

However, since both dogs by no means thought to let him continue to listen to the mattress, the barking was therefore a bit louder and even tried to push the lying on the belly lying Robbie from the bed. Of course, things that did not go down well with him and threatened them, if the two did not even give up peace, would be chained somewhere for two whole days. At this threat, the bigger dog suddenly grabbed his wrist and tried hard to pull him out of his comfort.

"Ouch. ...Say, are you crazy now? What should that? Do you know what time it is? It’s only ...nine thirty?" Robbie was more than outraged by this assault on him and wanted to know from his two dogs if they were even able to read a clock.

However, looking at his alarm clock, which showed him a current time of 9:30 am, the singer instantly silenced and first tried to understand that he had indeed slept a little longer than usual. As in slow motion, he sat groaning and yawned then first extensively. While Robbie sat for a moment and like a drink of water on the edge of the bed, he was repeatedly barked by the slightly larger dog. Where the smaller, however, literally bite on the trouser leg of his pajamas and thus wanted to move him to the final getting up. What this also succeeded. After Robbie had gone on his own two legs, but he was still not released by his four-legged friend. Because of the more than amusing behavior, Robbie began to believe that something was wrong and seriously asked the two of them what was going on. In response, the barking of one dog became louder and louder and the constant tugging on his trouser leg, did not even want to adjust in the least. Shortly thereafter, a frightening thought occurred to him what this could be about.

**Gary!!**

That would also explain a lot about why his two dogs were so eager to get him out of bed and look for his human friend.

 

Feared by the fear that Gary might have harmed himself and was in an intermediate or even extraterrestrial state, Robbie instantly snapped and hurried to his side. Within a few seconds he found himself in Gary's assigned room, but he could not locate him in any corner. But since all the dogs were standing in front of the bathroom door and they were barking or sniffing in a polyphonic way, his attention was immediately directed to the room behind it. Even as he let out fears of death, he took a few steps towards the door and tried to open it. Completed.

 **Fuck!** \- Not that too.

As if stung by the tarantula, he ran back to his bedroom and got the corresponding spare key, which he had deposited as a precautionary and temporary in his bedside table. He never thought of anything like that, but for Ayda, who had advised Robbie to keep all the spare keys near him, he had responded to this more than well-intentioned proposal. What was the name of it? …Better safe than sorry.

With the spare key in his hand, he quickly hurried back and immediately started unlocking the locked bathroom door. As soon as he was granted access, Robbie practically flew through the bathroom until he spotted the lifeless figure around Gary in the bathtub below the waterline.

"Oh God. Gaz! …No."

Immediately, he took out his still hopefully living friend from his wet prison and put it on the bathmat in front, where Robbie desperately tried to find a suitable pulse. But since Gary did not breathe and had no palpable pulse anymore, he immediately started the resuscitation and hoped that he was doing it right and therefore was not too late.  
"Come on. …Please. Gaz. Don’t do that to me now. ...Don’t go where I can not follow you. …Please."

Only after the third procedure and Robbie had sent all the prayers to Heaven, Gary finally showed mercy with him. Coughing and breathing, he freed himself from the swallowed water and tried to replenish his oxygen-poor lungs with new life. Even as Gary struggled for a much more stable breathing, Robbie gave him a few encouraging words, grabbing a large terry towel that was just around him and draining his friend. But at the sight of the cuts Gary had perpetuated on the insides of his thighs forever, his own breathing faltered, trying to grasp why his friend was doing this to himself. That was crazy ...and that then also in a place that no one else got to see.

"Gaz. I ...I don’t want to tell you what to do or don’t, but please don’t do that. ...Don’t put me in mortal fear for God's sake. ...I thought I had lost you."  
"I'm sorry. …That was not my intention. You ...you had not come and I ...I..." Gary let him know with a small voice that he had not intended that and was trying on the side of an explanation, but which he somehow couldn’t finish.  
"No. I'm so sorry. ...I had forgotten to set my alarm clock. If my dogs had not been, then ...then I would have practically had my best friend on my conscience." Robbie sought blame on himself, since Gary had nothing at fault for his mistake.

It was more than obvious that this was a stupid accident and this was now on his account. Not on Gary’s. Just at the thought that he might almost have killed his very best friend because of a mistake, he felt a icy chill running down his spine. If only he had hesitated for another minute, then it would have come that way. Robbie was absolutely sure. The constant allegations, where he then feel responsible for Gary's premature death and could accompany him all his life, fortunately saved him.

"Whatever. I am here now and I will not leave your side so fast today. ...If it helps you and you want it for yourself, I can sleep with you the next nights here, too." Robbie found his voice again after a somewhat tense silence minute and offered Gary a suggestion that he should have made him from the very beginning.  
"Would you really do that?"  
"Of course. This is not a question. I don’t even know why I'm not early on this idea ...."

Before Robbie could finish the sentence, Gary immediately caught his neck and could not thank him enough. Ever since moving in and after the first night here, he had wanted nothing more than that. That Robbie was constantly at his side. Even if he needed some time to catch up on his own sleep. He did not care if his friend slept or was awake. What was important to him was that in his constant proximity there was a constant person who radiated something familiar. So far, Gary had never mentioned anything to him because he did not want to come across like a little frightened boy. After all, he was a grown man after all. This whole damn story here, the sudden breakup with Dawn and, of course, the rape thing, so offended Gary that he didn’t know where up and down was. But with Robbie at his side, he could still feel something alive. 

 

In the next few days, when Robbie slept with Gary from now on and gave him a much less tense feeling of absolute loneliness and emptiness, everything remained quite calm and so the rest of life was uneventful for the time being. The only thing worth mentioning was that their mutual friends kept calling to find out what Gary was doing right now and if they could not stop by. But Robbie always said that with one and the same answer. That Gary was more or less well and that it might take some time until he decided to take the first step and let other people get involved. But with each passing day, the friends felt a little bit over their heads and began to believe that Gary had had something more terrible than a breakup. Something that Jason had already suspected from the beginning and manifested in an everlasting nightmare without further ado. So they had no choice but to exercise patience. With the hope, that Gary would soon join them again. 

About three more weeks went by until Gary at least agreed to go to the studio with Robbie and put their common song ideas into music. In order to avoid a possible clash with the other boys, a day was chosen that was actually reserved for their family life. It was an almost 100% guarantee that no one would show up so fast here. But entering the studio cost Gary a bit of overcoming. After all, this whole rape story had begun to take shape here in not too far away alley. Only with Robbie at his side, which gave him the necessary strength, he could face the fight and take a small step forward. As soon as he had made the first step inside, however, the feeling of being confined to his already existing uncertainty increased, bringing Gary to the edge of an acute nervous strain. Even as his heart beat painfully against his chest, Robbie immediately realized his sudden change of mood and was visibly worried by him if everything was okay. At first Gary Robbie wanted to tell a lie, which he didn’t do after all. Instead, he struggled to make an explanation and let Robbie know in a thick voice that this rape had almost happened here around the corner. Somehow, Gary had convinced himself that he would survive the walk to the studio and the subsequent entry into the building, somewhat unscathed. Because of that, it wasn’t so, so now he also had doubts that he could spend this one day here in the studio without turning over. Even with Robbie at his side, that could prove difficult.

Even as Gary struggled with an increasingly overpowering panic attack, Robbie gently embraced his friend's shoulders, letting him know with an empathetic voice that he should not be so pressured and that they did not necessarily have to go through this. However, since Gary had obvious problems to calm him down, Robbie finally led his friend to the foot of the stairs and gently pressed him to the lower levels until the smaller of the two came to sit for a while. Instead of sitting down and putting an arm around his shoulder, Robbie squatted down and gave Gary a few warm words to reassure him, to help him find himself again. But that only came after a felt eternity.

After Gary had calmed down as much as possible, Robbie asked carefully if he felt able to tackle their studio day together or maybe just want to get back on the way back. It was all alone with him. But even if Gary changed his mind, Robbie could understand that and would find it perfectly okay. He should take the time he needed for that. No matter how long that may take. Whereupon Gary then replied that he wanted this more than anything else. With his buddy to put their latest works into the music and to give it a common voice. ...However, he asked Robbie by the way to do the favor that he should complete all the doors immediately. What of course he did. 

 

In the following hours, which went by for Gary and Robbie like in flight, the two actually managed to complete some of the songs during this time. Knowing exactly how each song should sound and having been an unbeatable team for countless days, the process was pretty quick and it was no wonder they already had half an album at the end of the day with the finished songs could fill. What already sounded in their ears like an absolute masterpiece. The harmony between Gary's and Robbie's voice was truly breathtaking. It was definitely the best thing they had ever done, and so it felt.

For Gary, it was like a stroke of pure happiness. It was something he had not felt for an eternity. Despite the initial skepticism, where he had also suffered from a panic attack, that he didn’t grab this here and thus couldn’t keep up with his friend vocally But he won by Robbie’s optimism more and more self-assurance and so Gary also found sometime a way to keep this day in good memory here. As long as Robbie remained at his side and continued to support him so well, he didn’t need to be afraid that it would be taken away in the most brutal way. Robbie gave him truly the strength he needed. Because if he were not, Gary would probably just vegetate at his home, or worse, drown in his bathtub. ...And he couldn’t thank his friend enough for giving him a little light in his heaviest and darkest time.

 

Since it was already late in the evening and the sun on the western horizon slowly finished its day's work, the two friends preferred to put an end to it for today. Not only because they had worked well and long, but also because Robbie Gary had to make the promise that they would be back before nightfall. So Gary and Robbie set out on the way back and after they had left the staircase, they were so scared of something as long ago no longer. For at the same time, where Robbie wanted to unlock the precautionary closed door again, this slid suddenly as if by magic hand on the side and also then entered a person, which eventually led to both sides were so scared of, like it otherwise it was usual on a Halloween night.

While Gary stumbled backwards as a natural consequence and nearly fell to the ground, Robbie and the still-unknown stranger remained in place, both hoping to quickly deal with this one shock.

"What the fuck, Jay. Do you have to scare us like that? It would not have been much missing and I would have gone to your throat." Robbie was the first to find his voice again and asked his counterpart, who turned out to be Jason, also right after what he wanted here at this late hour, "Why do you also turn up at this time?"  
"I could ask you the same thing. Finally the door was locked. This is a universal sign that no one is there." Jason pointed out that a door is usually only locked when no one was in the room behind it anymore.  
"Or maybe you don’t want to be disturbed?" Robbie responded instantly, letting him know that such a door lock could be used by both sides and that there were other reasons why they bothered.  
"Oh please. This isn’t a hotel room or whatever. ...So, what are you doing here?" Jason could not leave that one point of view uncommented and asked in the same breath, what had driven him here.  
"I asked first."  
"Okay, then I'll start. ... I've been looking for a pendant for days that means a lot to me. You may not have seen it, have you?"  
"I'm sorry. No." Robbie had to disappoint him unfortunately.  
"I've found it. It’s now in the kitchen on the sideboard. ...Please Rob. Let's get out of here. I want to be home before ..." Gary suddenly spoke in a husky voice from the background, letting Jason know that he had already found the one he was looking for and placed it for him so that he would not have any problems with it to be able to find.  
But when Gary turned to Robbie and his voice sounded more and more uncertain, he was interrupted by Jason, who immediately had to ask him about his further health and, in a frightening way, came dangerously close: "Gaz! You are here too? The last time I saw you, you were still in the hospital. How are you? Is everything okay? ...The way I see it, your arm looks a lot better. Although I have to say that the rest of you have also seen better times. You look pretty bad taken. Tell me how ...."  
"What do you expect if you turn up at this late hour and give us the fright of life?" Robbie immediately intervened, trying as he turned the tables and interrupted Jason, the two somehow to keep a distance.  
"The same is true for both of you. Today is our solid day off, as I have once assumed that no one is here and for that matter, ...maybe I'll get an answer to my questions. What are you doing here?" Jason wanted nothing to be persuaded and insisted that his questions were also answered.

To that question, Gary and Robbie looked at each other for a moment and with an emerging sense of being caught, the younger of the two asked Jason to answer that they had done what was usually done in a recording studio, that they had recorded something. Whereupon Jason could only make a questioning face and thereby expressed his incomprehension. Of course, it was not that he did not want to believe them, it was just the fact that Gary evidently avoided him, Howard and Mark. No matter what his problem was, he should start thinking about opening up to them. Because with this constant attitude, which in his opinion lasted much too long, Gary did not make himself popular with his longtime friends and also got in danger that he eventually alienated them from them so far, where any contact then completely outside remained. No. Something had to happen urgently.

"Rob. On a word, please." Jason immediately opened the clarifying conversation with Robbie.  
"If you have something to say, then do it now. We are in a hurry. ...You have a minute." Robbie urged him to hurry and wanted him to know that what he had to say, it should just pronounce here and now.  
"In private." Jason pointed out that Gary's presence wasn’t welcome in the conversation.

At this pretty clear comment that Jason wanted to talk to Robbie on their own, the two singers immediately looked at each other with mixed feelings, with Gary giving him a few more insensible words, "Rob. No. ". Since Robbie had already made it his life's mission to not leave Gary alone if he did not want that himself, he could only throw him a look back, which Gary should assure that he did not engage in a four-way conversation with Jason becomes.

"First, if you have a problem with Gary, just say it and second, your minute is running already. ...You only have fifty-two seconds left."  
"Your departure will definitely be delayed by a few minutes, so stop rocketing. I don’t want to let my only chance on a hopefully decent conversation with you, just because you both in a hurry to get to bed. You can also leave Gaz alone for a few minutes. He's a grown man. He'll be fine soon enough and come on now." Jason did not want to postpone the interview any longer.

With these words, and because he was also serious about this conversation, he grabbed Robbie finally without any warning by the wrist and pulled him relentlessly with him until the two were finally out of sight and thus behind a locked door. But before this was finally pulled into the lock, Robbie could still hear Gary calling out to him with initial panic.

 

The following conversation between the two, Robbie went in one ear and on the other immediately out again. It also felt like an eternity to him, with Jason trying to convince him that he thought he was the most inappropriate person on Gary's side. Likewise, Jason had said that he should no longer withhold Gary's company from his friends. Whereupon Robbie commented that all this came from Gary himself and he didn’t want to abuse his confidence by any means. Certainly not. At least not until he had his consent. His friendship was far too valuable for that. Not even for the money, what the world meant, he would want to give this up. Never. But with every single minute that passed, Robbie became more and more impatient and inside he felt a bad feeling, which just did not want to let him go. But after he had to find with a slightly horrified look at his wristwatch that he had been waiting for Gary already more than eight infinitely long minutes, this took more than uncomfortable feeling at once scary features and began incidentally even to believe that something was wrong. He had to see Gary ...right now.

Without bothering much with a discussion with Jason that he was no longer stealing his time from him, Robbie could only say the following words, "Now it's enough for me. I will not wait any longer for Gaz to wait any longer." and pushed past his friend, who was about the same size, with a slight force. In the next second, when he finally stepped across the threshold, leaving behind the rooms of the studio, his slightly fixed gaze dropped to where he had last seen Gary. But neither standing at the foot of the stairs nor sitting on the steps, no Gary was visible. Not even in the immediate vicinity he was to be found. So Robbie looked into an absolute emptiness that laughed at him with constant and never-ending mockery. With the hope that his friend had just retreated to the next unseen corner, Robbie hurried down the stairs, calling out to Gary in a slightly raised and panicked voice. However, to Robbie's displeasure, the longed-for echo did not materialize. The only thing Robbie got to hear then was Jason, who had to ask him the agonizing question, which made him so panic. With nothing to be found in the next corner of his seemingly lost friend, Robbie could do no more than vent all his anger on Jason, blaming him for Gary's sudden disappearance.

"I'll tell you one thing. If I find Gary and find out that something happened to him, I'll blame you. You. Only you alone will the guilt of it and no one else. Why do you always have to search for the conversation right now? Cannot you even leave something alone instead of having to question everything possible? What do you think, why Gary doesn’t want your closeness? That's why. You don’t have to persist in persuading yourself until this person opens you. Be so decent and lend a friend only one shoulder. It doesn’t need more. But apparently the worthy gentleman is probably too fine for that. ..." Robbie talked more and more into rage and just wanted to start new, until suddenly his counterpart took the floor.  
"What are you doing with such a wind now? Calm down. Nothing will happen. I'll bet Gaz is already in the car and waiting for you. You can not seriously blame me that Gary has obviously decided to go ahead and get the car. Who knows, maybe he's already here right outside the door."  
"Don’t you want to understand that, or what? Gary is out there at the moment, all alone, and who knows what's going on with him!! ...If you don’t want to help me with the search, then take your stupid pendant and disappear!" Robbie was upset and wanted Jason that he helped him at least in the search for Gary.

With these words, Robbie finally turned his back on Jason, leaving him standing there without waiting for a possible answer from him. He had no time for that now. He needed to find Gary more than he needed, as soon as possible. ...Before it was too late and something bad happened.

 

While Robbie more than desperately sought for his missing friend, while half turned London upside down, the disaster and thus all the fears of Robbie, already took its course. In a not too far away and not completely unknown lane, there was actually a repetition of this, which wasn’t allowed to happen a second time ...and so poor Gary had to endure another rape. It was almost the same as the first time. The only difference was that he even had to serve himself in this humiliating and shameful thing. After his tormentor dislocated his right arm again and made him completely unable to act, the sexual act took place not only behind his back, but also before his eyes.

God, why did that just happen to him? …Why?


	14. Someone Said The Truth Will Out

Since the nights in the summer months usually turned out to be quite short and the time until dawn therefore did not last half an eternity, these could be dragged on by a nightmare come true nevertheless. But because of the resulting deep-seated memories and overused nerves, which drove the beads of sweat on one's forehead and even manifested themselves in the form of tears, the night remained forever young. A night that was unforgettable.

Despite the numerous nights that Robbie did not have a good memory of in his life so far, this one proved to be the worst. Having to face your own death was a thing of the past, but when it suddenly came down to a good friend for life, it definitely had something of an end to the world. To find Gary, Robbie had really been on the move all night, combing every imaginable alley he passed. Nothing. Gary simply disappeared without a trace. It was like the hell. Where was he? The more time passed into the country, the less likely it was that at some point and after a successful search, he finally could close him in his arms without any damage.

After the sun had driven away this dark something called Night and claimed the world for a few hours with a warm hug, Robbie's search for Gary remained unsuccessful. It was to despair. Where should he still be looking for him? Okay. London was big and therefore it could be everywhere as well. With the constant feeling that he had abandoned his best friend, Robbie stalked through the streets largely unseen and made his way back for the time being. The idea that he might never see Gary again made him really bothered. Whereupon even announced a bad-tasting wave and Robbie immediately got the feeling that he had to vomit at any moment. Although the rest of the way to the studio was not too far away, he would never make it to time to get there without even giving in to his gagging. As he was not close to a screening lane, Robbie tried to get there as quickly as possible. As soon as he entered a completely different world, which was not in the least in line with his standard of living, Robbie leaned against the wall with one shoulder and soon followed the inevitable call of nature. But this turned out to be more than a persistent, incompetent and a bit too cramped thing. While his stomach revealed nothing at all, his rather tired and slightly clouded eyes, one or two tears, revealed that to him. With the current knowledge that there was nothing to choking out, he finally entered the wall with a direct connection and leaned against it with his entire back.

"Gaz where are you? ...Where am I still looking for you?" Robbie began at some point, with a single and thick tear rolled down his cold cheek, quietly asking himself where he should still look for his little friend.

It was really to despair. Gary simply disappeared without a trace. Wherever he was, Robbie hoped he would not be harmed. But because of the many and unforgettable happenings that had happened in the last four weeks, that was really hard to say. Of course, there was a certain residual risk, which in Robbie's opinion, however, had to circle around the single-digit range. Because in the end, it could well be quite possible that Gary had gone out of sheer panic only the distance and hid somewhere. Still, the fear that Gary might have done something serious did not leave his side and brought him to the brink of a chasm where no light in the world ever came.

Asked if it made any sense to continue searching for Gary, Robbie stepped back out into the real world, breathing in much better air than he had done in that pretty stinking alley. The smell in there really made your stomach turn over. It had been more than stone-softening. Robbie was just about to go on the rest of the way back, when suddenly the thought flashed through his overheated brain, that Gary entrusted himself to him after his panic attack yesterday morning and thus told him that his rape had happened almost in the shadow of the studio and could be found accordingly. So he turned halfway around once and stared into the hole from which he had stepped out a few seconds ago. Could it be that his little friend was in this alley the whole time? The hope that he might actually find him at the other end drove Robbie once more into the most apostate world he had ever encountered. In one, where at most one homeless man lost his way.

 

No sooner had Robbie left the bright and rather cheerful side, he was again enveloped by a foul-smelling coat, which increased his fear for Gary even more and thus urged him to hurry. After travelling ten or twelve yards, which felt much more than hundreds of miles, the horrible image suddenly opened in front of him, something Robbie never wanted to see. In a not too far distance, on the very dirty floor there was actually a man with his pants down, showing only his bare buttocks covered with bruises next to his back. As Robbie's heart slipped more than just into his underpants, he brought just a simple and quiet, "Gary!", over his lips and hurried to sprint to his side.

Shortly afterwards, as he rounded the lifeless-looking man and looked him in the face, Robbie breathed it more than a moment, becoming white as a wall and getting a very bad conscience that he had never felt in his life. It was actually his little and long-lost friend Gary.

No. That couldn’t be true now. Which perverted asshole did it just to him ...and that now for the second time?

However, at Gary's sight, but burning into his brain for all time, he instantly felt that he had totally failed as a protective friend and accordingly felt more than bad. Maybe Robbie was not the right person on Gary's side, the way Jason had been told him harshly yesterday. While the entertainer believed that he was about to end his withdrawal from all the drugs and alcohol once again, he went down in front of his really bad-looking friend and looked at him closely. The pale complexion, the deep circles under his slightly bloodshot eyes, which were only opened for a small gap and whose gaze was staring into an infinite emptiness, as well as the shaky body was indeed not nice to look at and left in Robbie an unbearable feeling of Complicity. But the most obvious thing was of course once again dislocated right arm, which acted like an old bony branch and would break apart at the first touch.

"Gaz? ...Hey Gaz. Everything will be fine again. Okay? ...I promise you that." Robbie tried more or less desperately to somehow encourage him that this memorable and engaging story had a happy ending here.

But despite the encouraging words, he did not even achieve the slightest reaction with Gary. He was still in an apathetic state, from which he produced only a few incomprehensible words, which he kept repeating and for Robbie it was almost like a mantra.

"R ...Rob, where ...where are you? ...W... why did you leave me ...a... alone? …Please. ...I... I need you. ...He... .help me."  
"I'm right here. ...Your little Robbie is with you and will never let you out of sight. No matter what ever comes." Robbie assured Gary that he did not let him out of his sight for even a second.

Whereupon Gary didn’t react in the same way and his eternal mantra stammered quietly to himself. To finally be able to get him out of his lethargy and let know by the way, that he was at his side again at that moment, Robbie very gently and very carefully embraced the dislocated arm and gave Gary a small kiss on the temple. Just like this as he only knew it from him.

"R ...Rob? Is that you?" Gary succeeded in doing so shortly after, and more than finally, escaping from a now far too long-lasting absence that kept him in a high-security wing for serious criminals.  
"Yes. …Yes. It's me. You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I'm with you. Okay? From now on, I will not even let you out of my sight for a second, no matter who wants to push between us. I’m ...I'm just really sorry that I left you alone. That I let Jason pull me away and... "  
"It ...it hurts so much." Robbie was finally interrupted by an extremely pain-afflicted Gary during his apology that he had just forced Jason out of his sight and lost his friend.  
"I know. I can see that too. ...Come. I'll take you away from here and in a safe place." Robbie really looked at him, that he had to be in pain and wanted to make the older one more than anything else out of this very dirty street.

 

After Robbie had properly helped the extremely needy Gary in all his leg-wear, he immediately took him in his arms and carried this as quickly as possible out of an alley that could not be more oppressive and threatened them at any moment to collapse the walls above them to let. When the entertainer emerged from a rather distorted and over-smelling world, he looked around a bit indecisively and did not know where to go. Next to the studio or looking for the car, with which they had found the way here yesterday? But in the end his decision was already clear in advance. Due to the lack of a driver's license, which he had never done to his present regret, he had no choice but to bring the remaining fifty yards behind him. Robbie just wanted to make the first step towards the studio, until he was suddenly addressed by the side and stop him from doing so.

"Rob? What are you doing here ...and above all, how is it that you come from an alley? Please do not tell me now that you have just urinated in public.", He heard instantly the quite familiar and laughing voice from his buddy Mark, whereupon the younger turned to this and thus revealed to the younger a picture that he simply more than stole the breath and in whose face the purest horror reflected, "Oh my God. Gary. ...What on earth’s happened to him?"  
"No idea. I ...I found him like this in this state." While Robbie could not even look his little friend in the eye, he opened the next lie and tried to reach the studio in a hurry.

If only because he didn’t want to see a picture the next day in all sorts of newspapers, as he carried Gary in his arms and thus triggered the wildest rumours. That was something he had to avoid at all costs. This one and last incitement to Gary had been quite enough for him. No. It had taken a lot of effort from him not to let Gary hear too much about it, and if he could do that again was a little more than questionable in his eyes.

As soon as Robbie had finished the last distance and was now just in front of the studio, he was soon overtaken by Mark, who immediately opened the door for his two friends. The same thing made Mark on their way to the living room two more times to Robbie thereby free passage. But when Robbie passed the kitchen, he almost collided with a coming out Jason, who also held a hot cup of tea in his hand.

"Get out of the way, Orange or you're fall fruit." Robbie bristled Jason's sudden appearance.  
"Are you crazy? What's that all about again? You cannot just rush in here and expect everyone to get out of the way as soon as you walk in the corridor." Jason complained loudly about his boorish behaviour and wanted to have an apology from him as soon as he turned to the younger one and he looked after him, he fell silent immediately, "Hey. How’s about with an apo...?"

However, in the picture of Robbie carrying a rather sluggish Gary, hurrying down the hall to the living area and Mark opening the door at the other end, he caught his breath and could only stare after his three younger friends. After they disappeared from the scene and he heard the words from Robbie, "Howard. Move your lazy ass out of the couch and out of there." he ran down the alleged corridor himself and finally witnessed Howard suddenly spurt and make room for a friend who was obviously injured. 

The following scene, how Robbie Gary helped cautiously to a much better and clearly comfortable position change, under whose head more than gently pushed a cushion and put a blanket over the still shaky body, could only follow Mark, Jason and Howard with dumb and tried the finished picture, then somehow to be on. It was a sight where it literally left its friends speechless and made them hesitates. Whatever had happened to Gary, it had to go far beyond her previous nightmares. So, what in God's name did Gary just cause him to be so dismissive of them and now in a more than fragile state?

"Ro ...Rob? Where ...where are you? Don’t ...don’t let me ...alone." Gary tried a rather unusually weak and desperate voice to regain Robbie's attention, seemingly lost faithful contact with a friend.  
"I'm right here. You're not alone. Okay? ...Doug, Jay and Markie are also here. You're safe." Robbie then went to Gary's eye level, taking his left hand in his.  
"N ...no. I ...I... I don’t..."  
"Sssch. It's good. It's over. …Over. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. The nightmare has an end. It’s over. I promise you that will not happen again. Nothing and nobody will stand between us anymore. No matter who it will be. I will definitely know how to prevent that. ...I'll get you ..." Robbie already knew what Gary was about and tried to persuade him with warm words that this terrible story had finally come to an end here and that he no longer needed to worry that it could happen a third time.  
"Away. ...I... I ...I want to get away from here. …Home."

The fact that Gary was much more keened not to be behind the closed doors of a secure studio and to feel more than insecure even here, otherwise a place of trust, Robbie could actually have come even better. After all, it was completely understandable that after such an experience someone would continue to have some fears and would prefer to avoid certain places in order to avoid reviving any kind of memory. After his kidnapping yesterday and the subsequent and second rape in the shadow of the studio, Robbie was not even surprised at all and should therefore be better able to get him out of here. 

"Mark. Would you please do me a favour and get your car so that I can bring Gary home?" Robbie turned to his little friend looking for help shortly afterwards and just wanted him to drive her home.

But Mark didn’t even show the slightest emotion. He stood, like the other two, with a slightly open mouth and froze, trying to somehow deal with this rather intimidating image of Gary. But with what he had his worst problems. Despite his feeble nerves and all the sensibility in him, he remained reasonably firm, but as soon as Mark made the slightest movement, every self-built and meter-high wall collapsed over him, leaving the singer no chance to stand out to be able to liberate one's own power again.

"Mark?" Robbie tried a second time, hoping that Mark would finally give him the attention he needed more than he needed.

 

Before Mark could even react to do him the favour, Jason intervened immediately and wanted to have some answers from Robbie: "Just a moment. Before you both manage to get Gary out of here and then please in a hospital, I want to have a few questions answered first and I advise you not to arrive with the argument that you have no idea. So, what in God's name is going on here, and above all, who made Gaz so bad? Who did this to him?"

As soon as Robbie was asked by a very angry Jason to inform them of the circumstances, he made a pious wish to cut it in half, put it in an orange squeezer, and then he would try to make it out of him squeeze out a lot of juice as he could. The recently suppressed anger at Jason, who was cooking up in him again, Robbie now this from the man who was not entirely innocent in his eyes to Gary's second rape. 

"Who did this to him? ...You ask in all seriousness, who did this to him? After all, it was you." Robbie began in a husky voice until he finally lifted it more than clearly and straightened up to make it clear to his counterpart that he saw him as the initiator of the second drama and with it had given the worst night of his life so far.  
"Me? How do you get the crazy idea that I could do Gary like that? I would never in life, and not even after hundreds of years, just put one of you in such a state. Whatever happened to him last night did not come from me. I have no fault whatsoever." Jason thought he had already interrogated and didn’t want to let the younger boy tell him that he hadn’t the slightest connection to Gary's current condition.  
"You know exactly what I mean. Just because of your constant disposition to talk and analyze everything, I lost sight of Gary and do you even know where I just found him? In a stinking alley that's not far from here and besides, I don’t blame you for having left him in a dirty puddle the second time you raped him. It is more the circumstances, how it could come to it and so you are indirectly responsible for it. ...So, if you think that you can tell me in all seriousness that you're coming out of it completely innocently, you've been wrong. You. Only you alone drove Gary practically into the arms of a pervert!" Robbie grew louder and louder after each pronounced sentence and while talking in rage, he could no longer conceal his desperation and fear for his little friend. 

No sooner had Robbie spoken the more than frightening and real truth and thus of a rather unbelievable and no less horrible rape, which was revealed even for the second time, he was immediately visibly shocked by three pairs of eyes, whereupon he immediately felt the absolute Emptiness and an immediate onset of weakness was felt, which literally forced him to his knees. Robbie just couldn’t do it anymore. This whole story here brought the entertainer to his limits.


	15. Give Me A Call If You Need Someone To Save

Silence. While a rather frightening and visibly uncomfortable silence was spreading throughout the room, which was generally more than unusual for a recording studio, one bit by bit the unbearable and overwhelming feeling of emptiness came over and left one here with each one present icy shivers that they felt again and again on new. The result of this, of course, was that within a few seconds, all the hair on the neck and let the respective owner inevitably plunge into a hole abysmal. The case also triggered a very oppressive realization of where a picture opened up and thus one was shown what the frightening reality really looked like. It was like a puzzle, which was more than finally finished. But what you saw there was just outrageous and hard to imagine. After all, who would have guessed that the purest nightmare ever hid behind a weighty and impermeable black curtain? Definitely nobody. 

With the current knowledge that there was a rape behind Gary's rejection of them, which had to endure a second night last night, Howard, Jason and Mark could do nothing but stare at their mutual friend with a look of horror. While wondering what kind of real nightmare Gary had landed in, where the woman first ran away from him and then became a victim of an almost incomprehensible and double sexual crime, the three could not be more different react. After Mark had sat down to understand this terrible story here, Howard, on the other hand, went to the nearest and the furthest corner of the room. Only Jason remained completely motionless and couldn’t avert his shocked gaze from Gary. For the picture in front of him, like a completely desperate and introverted Robbie, who had now reached his end with his powers, made him think ...and especially his own person. Something Robbie had said harshly to his face yesterday was somehow right. He wasn’t entirely wrong about his accusation. Of course it was not the case that he liked to hear himself talking. No. Definitely not. It was just that he was happy to help his fellow human beings with good advices, and now and then, at least if someone didn’t feel that he was being properly treated, said honestly how he saw it. Even then when the person didn’t like it and dropped it into a deep hole of self-doubt. Which’s didn’t come from somewhere after all.

Realizing that Robbie was a better friend to Gary than himself in this very difficult time, he had to admit that he should finally turn his prejudices towards the younger and undoubtedly under the nonexistent rug. 

"Rob. I'm ... I’m really sorry for what I said and blamed you yesterday. I didn’t mean to criticize you while you seemed to have tried everything for Gary to be a good friend ...which certainly doesn’t have to be easy for yourself." Jason tried an acceptable excuse and wanted to know about Robbie by the way he came to this knowledge, "How did you know that at all? I mean ...Gaz cannot possibly have said it to you on your own, right?"  
"He doesn’t. I ...I came for it myself. ...What wasn’t that hard to guess, after I found him in a very bad and withdrawn state, clasping his legs and fully dressed under a cold running shower." Robbie managed just in a weak voice.

In response to this description of the picture, Jason first had to swallow and wondered what it would have been like if he had found Gary in the circumstances. He could well imagine that sooner or later Gary was closing in on him because of his psychic mumblings and getting away more and more.

"So I have to admit now that Gary really cannot ask for a better friend by his side like you are. Your yesterday's reaction to me and how you try to keep all of us from Gaz because of what happened to him at a distance, had been right there yet. You ... you didn’t do anything wrong. I, on the other hand, have made the mistake of never giving you a hundred percent chance because of my concerns. ...That's also because I expect you to somehow, that you could throw the next buck at any time and make everything broken again. But now I realize that this is completely wrong and you go to the greatest lengths to make it all right for us ...and especially Gaz."  
"R ...Rob? Please. ...I ... I can not ...stand it here ...anymore. G ...Get me out of here. Please. ...Away. ...I... I can’t..." Was shortly after Jason's admission to hear Gary's extremely weak, extremely fragile and more than desperate voice, whereupon it came to a halt to the end and the sentence remained unspoken.

Since Gary suddenly slipped away in the middle of a sentence and was obviously no longer breathing, Robbie already believed that something was wrong with him and thus got the feeling of an initial panic. He quickly took Gary's hand back into his own, gently placing the other on his temple and looking at him with great concern.

"Gaz? ...Hey, Gaz. What about you? ...Come on. Say something. ...Gaz. Please. Talk to me. Let me know that you are still alive."  
"Rob? ...Rob? You need not worry about Gaz right now. He's fine. He's just unconscious." Jason Robbie tried to tell him that their small and mutual friend didn’t have to endure the most terrible torture in the moment.

Actually, Robbie wanted to reply that Gary is not feeling well and was about to crush Jason over his ignorance. What he didn’t do after all. He didn’t have the strength he needed to continue arguing with Jason. In hindsight, however, he had to admit that this unconsciousness had something good on both sides. For one, Robbie was able to bring him home easily and unhindered, and on the other hand, Gary's body was more than finally given the rest, although this already screamed for weeks after. A rest that Gary had never really gave to his own body. But because of his fear of the most terrible nightmares, which could haunt him and torment him to the blood, he had never really found a generating sleep. Although Gary had always said he slept for at least a few hours in the last three weeks, Robbie knew better. Only when he took him in a protective and safe hug, Gary could finally get carried away to a short and nightmarish sleep. ...But only then.

In that sense, sooner or later, Gary's body would have demanded a tribute from him and drove him into the dark and hopefully generating world of unconsciousness. Since Dawn had disappeared from his life with the children, and without saying a word, he had barely closed his eyes. Only Robbie's hugs gave him the opportunity to stay reasonably clear and where Gary was still Gary. But if the younger one were not, it would certainly look completely different now and so he was a little bit glad that his little friend was not feeling any kind of pain because of his unconsciousness at the moment. Which him enabled to bring Gary at home. In a place where he could still feel safe.

"You'll be home faster than you think. I'll do everything I can to get you home as fast as possible.", Robbie then left more to the last words of his unconscious friend and then turned to Mark, who brought the two home on the fastest way should, "Mark? ... Mark, can you please...."

But there was no sign of Mark anywhere and so Robbie fell silent in mid-sentence. Even as he asked himself where he had gone, he was already informed by Jason that their little friend had locked up in the toilet and wanted to be alone. The fact that the rather sensitive Mark first needed a certain amount of time for himself, until he had processed this terrible news reasonably and was able to cope with the situation, was more than understandable in the first place and yet Robbie needed his help. He needed him. Sure. Robbie could also get help from Jason or Howard, but nonetheless he had to think about the good of Gary. Even if he was currently in an unconscious state.

"Listen, Rob. I know what you want to do right now, but wouldn’t it be better to take Gaz to a doctor first? I mean ...look at him. His right arm has been dislocated and looks even worse than the first time. You cannot possibly leave Gary in that state. Please don’t do that to him in God's will. He needs more than urgent medical help." Jason still talked in the aftermath of Robbie that Gary should be quickly brought into the care of a doctor and not to his home.  
"I know ...but Gaz once told me he needed the physical pain. It helps him to come to other thoughts. So that he can finally forget all the damn events of the last month. I ...I would want to take him to a doctor, only ... I ... I cannot do that. I cannot break my promise to him again."  
"I understand that, but that's not a solution in the long run. If you do not bring him to a doctor, then I'll do it ...and anyway, do you have any idea what that might mean to Gary if his arm remains dislocated and untreated? I cannot imagine, with the best intentions, that you want to do it to the consequences in all seriousness and under these circumstances, I propose now the following. ...We will first bring Gaz to a doctor and should also be tested right away, not that the bastard gave him a souvenir. After this is done and clarified, the police will then be contacted without further detours and re-speech. That you haven’t done the same, I can basically understand, but that is now decided once and in my eyes even twice too much. It has to be done more than urgent, and since Gary has two ...rapes behind him, it is quite possible that he may eventually get a third offense. If you ask me, is there any one thing that clearly targets Gary that you have to fear for his life. Your previous services to him in all honour, but it takes much more than a one-man team. ...Gaz needs police protection!" Jason Robbie tried to show that with his current behaviour he could change Gary's life sustainably and give a good damper, which their mutual friend might not finally be able to cope with it and that he should become more secure as soon as possible needed on his side. 

Because of the recent and still overly fresh events, which were less than twelve hours, Robbie knew that Jason was right. More than urgent needs had to be done to bring Gary's security to the next level. In a sense, Jason's suggestion in Robbie's ears sounded quite reasonable and should therefore be put into action as quickly as possible, but somehow there was something in him that was reluctant to resist. For him that would mean that he himself was under constant observation. Good. Actually, Robbie didn’t have any big problems with it and yet he was afraid that something could happen at any time and that Gary was in greater danger than he already was. Even if his little friend had a whole army at his side, he would never really get rid of that feeling. At least not until this bastard finally got behind bars and thus insisted on life imprisonment. Since Robbie wanted it more than anything else, that this damn story finally came to an end for Gary here, and he didn’t have to live a second longer with the fear that another and third rape could flourish, he probably had no choice to put Jason's proposal into action.

 

After the four boys had more than finally taken the first step into the nearest hospital, with Robbie carrying the still unconscious Gary in his arms, after less than twenty meters a doctor with a waving coat came to meet them thus already had an eye on the injured Gary thrown. Whereby he wasn’t completely unfamiliar with them and so they realized that this was the same doctor Gary had treated four weeks ago. As soon as the chief physician had just casually glanced at Gary's dislocated arm, he could barely say that it made him look much worse than a month or so ago and wanted to know how that could happen for the second time. Instead of giving an answer first, Jason preferred that they should rather have the following conversation under "four" eyes and in a locked room. In a place where they could talk undisturbed and something more open. At this more than understandable request, the doctor nodded once and then took the friends to his office, which luckily, from their current point of view, was not too far away. 

After a very long-felt track, the boys found themselves at some point and more than finally under the guidance of the chief physician in his office. As there was also a patient bed in this room, Robbie took the course completely unhindered and put Gary on it carefully. While he was more than anything else and absolutely refused to move even an inch away from his friend, Howard, on the other hand, immediately sought out the farthest corner that offered himself here, occasionally throwing one still slightly shocked and visibly glared over at his buddy, who was still unconscious. For about a good hour now, when Robbie had opened them brutally Gary had gone through much more than just a very unpleasant separation, Howard felt so bad and so he couldn’t shake the thought that he was due to his rather aggressive behaviour against Gary, whose fears could have fuelled even further, and that has since projected the image of his tormentor at him. Even if this extremely compelling and horrible story in a sense went well for his little buddy, he was sure to be visibly uncomfortable around him and probably never want to see him again. God. He just couldn’t think about it. Just because he had approached him a little too hard about four weeks ago, Gary now looked at the elders as a person who understandably scared him. So it was no wonder why Gary had retired from all his friends. With the fucking feeling that one of his best friends no longer regarded him as a trusted person, he tacitly watched out of his corner as Robbie stood by his side, completely lost in thought, playing with Gary’s slightly filthy hair. While Howard grew more and more lost in this one image, the less he got from the conversation that was taking place between Jason and the doctor. The only thing he had finally noticed in the end was that Jason demanded from his counterpart only secrecy and that this should do the tests on Gary himself as possible. In order to get the urgent police protection for his little and a year younger friend, Jason wanted to make it much more alone and thus among themselves. To ensured Gary's well-being and safety to one hundred percent. 

With the promise to keep himself covered in this hair-raising story, which his profession already demanded anyway, and to conduct the upcoming tests for all sorts of sexually transmitted diseases to Gary himself, the doctor finally arranged for the still unconscious Take That singer to become equal once again went under the knife. But before Gary had to undergo this and had to put up with the second operation within a month, he had no other choice, although it was also on an involuntary basis, to be previously removed by the chief physician a saliva and a blood sample. While Gary was once again exposed to the doctors completely defenceless, his friends found themselves again in the waiting area in front of the operating rooms and hoped that they did not have to wait too long. What was felt this time as extremely difficult. However, with the knowledge of the realities surrounding Gary's current situation, it was even unbearable like a long time ago. Although Howard, Jason, and Mark had guessed that there was something worse behind all this, but not even one of them had anticipated an extremely humiliating rape. Not to mention a second one, what happened last night in the shadow of the studio. With this knowledge, that they was now burdening tremendously and their nerves were already blank since the first second, all four tried the coming round of eternal waiting, each in their own way to survive the time.

While one like Howard still made the worst of allegations and Mark had some fears that Gary would not survive this compelling story here, Robbie, who was so introverted, increasingly moved into a distant world. There, where only his best and most beautiful memories lived. However, his meanwhile most beautiful experiences belonged to a time, which referred essentially to the last four weeks. Even though his little friend just had to go through the worst, it was for him, to a certain point, the best he had ever "experienced". Of course, he wanted nothing more than a happy and carefree life for his Gary, but his time together with him had shown Robbie how much he really liked this one small and damn good-looking guy. In hindsight and as he pondered, Robbie eventually had to admit that his feelings for Gary went far beyond friendship. Although he had ever felt such feelings before him, but there it was just a simple crush and just because of it, Robbie had never expected that he could seriously fall in love with Gary one day. The man he had once abysmally and discriminated against in public. But all that had been something he had never really wanted. If he wasn’t married with Ayda now and Gary felt the same way for him, Robbie could take him under his arms and blow it out together. And he did not care much about where her sanctuary was at the end. The main thing was there, that Gary finally came to rest and where no one could do anything to him.

Speaking of Ayda. Robbie should really be more than telling her what had happened and where he was at the moment. That’s her fear for Gary was still justified, but not for his own person. When he threw a very tired look on his cell phone display and was thus shown to have already missed thirteen calls and twenty-five SMS from her, Robbie immediately contacted his wife, who was also accepted at the first dial tone. After explaining what had happened and being encouraged by Ayda, not to give up and continue to be there for Gary, Robbie didn’t feel any better. The fear for his little friend makes him still ready and this damn feeling, will certainly not be so fast. Not until that bastard finally sat in jail for all time. Now he would most like to take his Gary into a strong and extremely secure hug and only release him again until all this was over somehow. 

In the meantime, when the three friends, Howard, Mark, and Robbie had some self-doubt and the greatest fears for a mutual friend, Jason had already made contact with a very good friend of his twin brother, Justin, who worked for the police and asked him to come over with some of his colleagues in civilian clothes. What happened then. After not even half an hour, this friend arrived with four of his most trusted colleagues on the spot. But before Jason poured him pure wine and told him all about the story here, he felt it better to be more careful and wanted to talk to this one friend alone. Due to the fact that Gary was twice raped and therefore very likely to be watched the dancer didn’t want to take any chances. Shortly after the four workmates went in all directions and kept close proximity to the environment, Jason clarified to his friend about what had happened so far. That Gary had been dealing with a very perverted lunatic since his breakup with Dawn, who literally dumped his life into a black hole. While Jason gave him all he needed to know, which he knew only through Robbie, the friend mentioned above could just shake his head in wondering what had become of today's world. All the many assaults on women and children were already bad enough, but the fact that they were now also attacking celebrities in public went more than clearly too far. As Jason had already correctly said, something had to happen as fast as possible. 

Said and done. Because shortly after the end of a seemingly unbelievable, yet nightmare-rich, scary and real story, three more men in civilian clothes were ordered to. That was something like Robbie didn’t understand at all. In his opinion, Gary needed an army at his side and not just a thirteen-member team consisting of only eight policemen and themselves. But not bringing in any more men did not come from anywhere, so it had a strategic background. First, the police protection around Gary's person was neither too small nor too big. If too many people were sneaking around the singer and keeping an eye on his safety, this bastard could no longer be shown and the chance to have him behind bars for all time is at zero. With too few, Gary could still run the risk of repeating this whole story a third time ...and that wanted nobody. 

 

After all the excitement that had occurred in the last two hours and thus any security was strengthened around Gary, then found this waiting more than finally an end. So the automated door slid open and a thoughtful head doctor immediately approached the friends. At first, the four already believed that something unpredictable had to be revealed during the operation or that the doctor already had certain test results. Such, where it was then called for Gary, that’s he had to live with a clapper until his death. Much to her concern, however, the friends feared that one sexually transmitted disease was most likely. However, if someone had to undergo at least one rape, which was usually done without any protective measures, the danger was quite big. With bated breath they waited for the redeeming words that their mutual friend had survived the operation well and that he had not laughed at a bad sexually transmitted disease.

So the boys couldn’t find out faster, as it was about Gary now. The doctor's answer to that was that the operation was completely complication-free and therefore quite good. But unfortunately there was also a little But. Because if there was another repetition of all this and he gets his shoulder thrown out a third time in the next six weeks, Gary could get chronic pain until the end of his life, and then he would still have some difficulty with his dexterity. What for Gary would be like a doomsday. First Dawn broke his heart in the worst way then was raped twice by a perverted bastard and then that too. It could not get any worse. No.   
At the request, if there were preliminary test results, the head physician couldn’t say anything, because it was too early and took some time. Instead, he let the boys and the police officers know that Gary had contracted one or two bruised ribs next to a dislocated arm and that he was staying in a room that was easy to guard for himself. 

 

With the more or less good news that from now on, hopefully, it could only go uphill again, the chief physician led the small group, over several floors and the longest corridors ever, to the said room. When they were more than finally there, he gave the members of Take That just before the threshold and to the good conclusion, the instruction that in the room should never more than two people. While the friendly police officer among the fives was already thinking about how he positioned his colleagues best and thus he slowly moved away from the company, that in the end no one noticed that he somehow belonged to him, Robbie suddenly pushed something forward and just wanted to get to the side of his friend by the quickest route. 

No sooner were all four of them in the rather light hospital room, all eyes fell immediately on a rather battered, pale and still anesthetized Gary, who was at the other end of the room in a slightly wider bed. In a few strides Robbie immediately hurried to leave the last few meters between Gary and himself. In contrast to Robbie, who couldn’t be close enough, Howard, on the other hand, went to the furthest corner and stared out of a large window more than depressed. All this was just too awful and made the older one feel like a perpetual emptiness that practically didn’t let him go and tormented without exception. Maybe it would be better if he disappeared from the scene prematurely and then reappeared until this extremely terrible story finally came to an end. 

After Jason had joined Robbie's side and kept him company, though he sat much more on the edge of the bed and could not even let Gary's tired eyes down for a second, Mark stopped halfway and did not dare in the least, to come even closer. Basically, he did not want to be anything but a good friend for him, giving him a shoulder to lean on, but something else would keep him from doing it. Although he knew all about his strengths, such as that he did not give up so quickly and that one could always count on him, but as soon as this was close as it is now, he easily fell into a state in which he then himself one as Robbie needed by his side. For that reason alone, Mark understood why Gary wanted to be close to Robbie and not in theirs. In that sense, the younger one was the perfect choice. Gary couldn’t truly wish for a better one, which in his darkest time gave him a little light and stood unconditionally aside from it. 

Somewhat uneasy and unaware of what he should do, Mark stood in the middle of the room, feeling useless. This was clearly a story where every one of them really came to his own limit. While Gary and Robbie had already left behind for a long time, Howard and he himself were about to do the same to them and skip that one limit. Only Jason was on a fairly decent track and somehow tried his best, though he had already taken a wrong turn one time or another and was damned dangerously heading towards a fruit department at the nearest supermarket, unable to stray from his path. Although he knew too well that the dancer did not fare differently and that he was the biggest worries and thoughts about their mutual friend. He was just trying to be the voice of reason, steering the whole thing in the right direction, so that this more than terrible story would find a reasonably acceptable ending. 

As Mark Gary was reluctant to see him lying in a sickbed, and even in a time when his life was running down the drain, he was about to storm out of the room. But due to the still too fresh events, he was much happier if he didn’t stay alone.

"What's up, Doug? Shouldn’t we both go for a coffee? And besides, the doctor had said that there should never be more than two people in the room." Mark finally quietly suggested.

At this request, Howard turned to the smaller one and merely gave him a silent nod. That he was only too happy to join Mark. Maybe it helped him with a steaming, almost brooding and extra strong coffee to finally get rid of the feeling of a crazy and frightening freak, at least for a few minutes. It would certainly do him more than good and get some distance from everyone. For in the last three hours, since his little world was bursting with a tremendous and blasted revelation, he felt as unfeeling as he had in a long time. 

"If you go down, could you please do a favour and bring me one later?" Jason asked his two friends about it, before the two went down together, if they did not bring him a coffee-to-go after their canteen visit and after casting a slightly worrisome look at Robbie, the dancer said in the aftermath, "And for Rob's sake, please bring one too. ...He looks like he desperately needs a hot one."  
"No thanks. I don’t want any ...and besides, why don’t you join them?"  
"So if you ask me, you should be the one to join them. Not me. You look as finished as you have not done for a long time. A strong coffee would certainly do you more than good."  
"I don‘t need that."  
"Come on, Rob. Give yourself a break. ...You cannot go on like this forever. Turn down a gear and Gary is safe enough for now. I guarantee you that nothing will happen to him so soon."  
"If you are in the near of him ...then yes. Do you think that I already forgot everything? How I left him alone with Howard here in the room four weeks ago, and then Gaz had entrenched himself in the toilet out of fear? Or, how could this second crime come to him? ...Or how I once overslept and almost lost my best friend? There was not much missing and he drowned in the bathtub! ...All this could only happen because I left him out of my eyes for a moment or someone interposed me." Robbie exploded suddenly and just did not want to let a guy like Jason tell him what to do and made it clear to him that he wanted to be alone with Gary, "When do you finally realize that your presence does not bring me anything ...and especially not Gary. I'm the only one he wants to have by his side. Do you honestly believe that with his second ...well you know, what I mean... has it changed? He only wants me. Okay? ...Only me and now finally disappears."

 

To this clear statement that Robbie was on his own and the presence of his three remaining friends didn’t help him in the least, where he had given the last sentence but more meekly, Howard, Jason and Mark stared at the younger shocked. Did they hear that right? That they almost became poorer for a dear friend? The thought that one of them blessed time prematurely far too early made them instantly silenced. Was that going to mean that Gary had seriously ventured on a desperate suicide attempt? No. That was not allowed to be true now, and even under these circumstances, no one wanted to leave the room so quickly. At least not until Robbie told them otherwise.

"Is that supposed to mean that ...that Gaz...?" Howard stuttered with difficulty breathing.   
"No. That was just a stupid accident. ...Just please, go at last. For Gary's sake." Robbie knew about his thoughts and tried to take away their fears that there was no intention in this incident.

After making that concession, Howard, Jason, and Mark were a little relieved and even though the boys still had trouble getting out of the room, Jason wanted Robbie to know in a hurry, if he needed help, that each one was for him and Gary were there at all times. A single SMS or phone call would be enough, that they immediately dropped everything and immediately made their way to them. In addition, it was also in their interest that their captain no more harm was done and that they eventually completed their album together. At the promises to get in touch with the friends, which’s Robbie gave them on the way - the unfamiliar trio finally agreed to his request and disappeared from the scene until they were needed.


	16. Will You Be There For Me When I Stand At The Edge Of The World?

Nothing. There was nothing at all. Just a black hole which’s like a gigantic and voraciously monster, greedily assimilated everything and where time and space lost all meaning. Thus, a deep black darkness enveloped every single light, what had once made the world and thus no further life was possible. So this had to be the end, or maybe the beginning? Anyway, that was hard to say, because life on the one hand was born out of the dark and on the other, it ended the same way. In an eternal lasting nothing. There was no such thing as heaven and hell. Only an intermediate level where the restless souls tried to find meaning in their existence and waited more than desperately for it, got a new body awarded and could return to earth again.

After a long wait and a seemingly long-lasting search, Gary finally found his way back into his own body and hoped he could get away from this more than intimidating and frightening darkness as soon as possible. But that was not so easy. For a while he was trying hard to escape, Gary was held by an invisible force that stopped him from returning to the real world. Thus, Gary was forced to continue to be filled in and tortured by this darkness. In addition to all the pain that he currently felt in his chest and his right arm, there was now again to hear the one voice that groaned him again, that this story was far from over here.

Gary started to scream for help, but no one heard him. He was completely alone. In this seemingly endless darkness, where he could not make out even the slightest spark of light and therefore hope, there was absolutely nothing that permeated him. Even with the oncoming cold, involuntarily lolling after him with her icy-cold fingers, Gary even got the constant feeling that someone was coming dangerously close to him, triggering an incessant panic attack. But when he was suddenly touched by an invisible hand, Gary already believed that thousands of deaths collapsed on him and he could bless the time at any moment. One of them was a huge conflagration, which Gary had to fight again. But as the flames swept higher and higher into the dark world of eternal nothing, obstructing every path, Gary found himself in a hopeless and lost post. From this hole, he would never come out again. It was futile. 

After a felt eternity that came over him like a lifetime, he heard a distant voice, but he couldn’t say who was speaking to him. In order to even be able to hear from the sound of a particular person, this was still at a fairly large distance. But perhaps it was also because that terrible and moaning voice was still far too present and left a ceaseless echo in his mind. While he was literally maltreated by his fear that this story would never come to an end here and that he would even have to give his own life for it, millions of tears welled up in his eyes and wept bitterly. 

Taking the foetal position, Gary wondered ...why he. Who was this guy who apparently hated him so much and had to bump into the deepest hole he could find? On the contrary, he was currently wondering where Robbie was. It had been an eternity since he had last seen him. Gary just wanted to get his Robbie back and preferably as fast as possible. He needed him. 

After giving up another life like a cat and only surviving on the two, Gary felt completely unexpectedly a pleasantly warm shower, which almost gently stroked his cheek. At the same moment, the other voice, which just wanted to send him the words, that he had nothing to fear from anything else, and that this story would finally come to an end, was now much more clearly heard. It sounded too good to be true in Gary's ears, but if he could blindly trust that voice, that was another question altogether, and so Gary started slowly, this time forever, into a completely dark world drift. Out of his last despair, he called to Robbie, hoping that he would hear him. That he finally got him out of here.

"Shhh. I'm here. ...I'm here." Somebody whispered to him in the voice of Robbie.

Could it be that this was really Robbie? If so, where was he? Despite the eternal darkness in which he somehow tried to locate his friend, he was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t even see his own hand in front of his eyes. The only thing that remained to him was Robbie's voice, which gave him the necessary support in this endless nothingness. While Gary was trapped in a giant labyrinth, desperately looking for an exit, he called his friend over and over again. But with each turn, where he opted for the wrong direction and ended up in a dead end, he was shown a picture from his past time, in which he had to endure either a heavy stroke of fate or an extremely tough life situation. The whole thing started with his earliest childhood memory and stopped at the last rape, which then came to a constant repetition. An eternal vicious cycle, from which he could not free himself alone and without any help. It looked like Gary had to spend all his time here until his death.

But as he felt something like two rough but gentle lips on his temple, the infinite vastness of darkness suddenly opened up for a split in half, where the light behind it dazzled Gary immensely. Despite the initial coldness that came from that gap, he was still taken in a comforting warm embrace, but only lasted two three seconds. This icy hellhole here really did not bother him. No sooner had the heat disappeared than a silhouette opened in front of him instead, calling out to him. Attracted by the not too bright light and the familiar voice of Robbie, he ventured on a very cautious and slow attempt to get a little closer to this gap. With the constant hope, that the goal in his face will not be pushed further into the distance. 

 

"Gaz? ...Hey, Gaz. Come on. Wake up. ...I know that you can hear me. You can do it. It's all right. ...I'm with you." Gary was again awarded the words, with which he managed to escape from this local shadow world here.

Words, from which he’s could draw strength and thus ventured to the last step. As he stood directly in front of the gap, casting a cautious glance into the not-so-far-away world, the silhouette in front of him took on more and more shape, and so Gary looked into the familiar face of his best friend. Accordingly, he also hastened to climb out of this icy-cold hole, so that he was immediately in the strong arms of Robbie again.  
My God, how he had missed him. He truly gave him the hold in this story that he really needed more than anything else.

"Rob?" Gary could bring just a croak, followed closely by a pain-groaning, over his thin and parched lips.  
"Yes. It's me. ...Now everything is fine again. I promise to you. ...And ...and I am sorry that I left you alone. That I let myself be drag..." Robbie let him know by means of a promise that from now on there will be no further inconvenience of any kind whatsoever and wanted to try an apology on the side, that he had simply dragged away by Jason and then did nothing further from this same to get away again.

But with his apology he unfortunately did not get very far, because Gary turned away from him more than a little bit at the same moment and thus, apparently, didn’t want to hear about it at all. When a single and lonely tear rolled over his cheek, Robbie instantly felt that he could not have done enough for him, at least in Gary's eyes. That he had taken too much time alone because of his discovery. Who knows, maybe he could have prevented even the worst. In that sense, he also understood why Gary suddenly didn’t want to hear from him anymore and thus showed the cold shoulder. 

Not knowing how to handle it now and face Gary, Robbie was sitting rather depressed and a little sad beside his friend and knew nothing to do with himself. It was more than obvious to him that Gary now considered him a bad friend and loser in one, and that was why he turned away from him as a result. That he no longer wanted him on his permanent side. Maybe Jason was right after all. Despite the reconciliation among themselves, he was since his return as the most uncertain factor and could with a simple and single mistake again ruin everything. From this point of view, he was in fact the wrong person on Gary's side.   
While Robbie doubted his qualities in this regard and got himself ready, his thoughts slipped out of pure self-help at some point to the last few weeks, which were like a gift from heaven for him. Although Gary was going through an extremely difficult and life-changing time right now, he would never want to forget this one month in his life. The time together with him was definitely one of the most beautiful he had ever attended. For that reason alone, Gary was not allowed to turn away from him now. No. He couldn’t do that to him.

"Rob?" Robbie's attention was aroused after a half eternity felt by a still slightly croaking voice. 

With the sudden hope that Gary had changed his mind, Robbie immediately turned back to his friend to let him know that he was still at his side.

"Would ...would you do me a favour?"  
"Of course. I would want to do anything for you. No matter what it is. ...Just don’t tell me now that I should..."  
"Can ...can you take me in... into your arms, please?" Gary, sobbing slightly, didn’t know how to pass on his request to Robbie and wanted nothing more from him than to be hugged by him.

Whereupon Robbie himself had to breathe a sigh of relief and silently thanked God that Gary didn’t want to keep him at a distance, not in the least. Apparently, all he wanted was for him to get away from the eternal darkness he had just found himself in and the ice coldness that prevailed there, which was more than understandable. He did not ask for long and did him this one favour only too happy.

"Always." Robbie let his little buddy know that he did nothing better than that.

Since Gary lacked strength at the moment and had difficulties to get up, he moved a bit to the right for the sake of simplicity, so Robbie could at least lie on his side and still gave him a very good half hug. Robbie understood this gesture immediately and then, after a brief hesitation, did as Gary had obviously imagined. No sooner was the entertainer in a lying position he took his friend already and very carefully, in the desired embrace.

"How does it look? Is it okay?" Robbie asked in a whisper if it was so comfortable for Gary., whereupon he got a silent nod from him then as an answer. 

 

For a full hour, the two friends were in a confined space, arm in arm, and there had not spoken a single word for the past twenty minutes. While Gary tried to enjoy Robbie's embrace, as well as his immediate proximity, Robbie still couldn’t believe he shared a bed with his best friend in this way. Of course, it was not that he had any ulterior motives, but there was something strange about it. Above all, also because he slowly but surely developed feelings for this man, which went far beyond friendship. Feelings he felt only for Ayda until recently. Although he had always liked Gary very much and that from the beginning since they knew each other, but that he could ever fall seriously in love with him, he had never really come to mind. The fear that he might ruin all of that and especially his friendship with Gary once and for all was just too big to risk anything. In addition, the fact was added that in his life there was a woman with whom he was happily married. Since he did not want to give up or even lose any of those named, his heart fell into a gigantic vortex called Chaos, which made him pick something so utterly downright, leaving the purest battlefield behind, something his own world has never seen before. ...It was to despair. 

But after that one hour, Robbie was snatched off by Gary's increasingly lascivious and incessant sobs, his imperturbable apathy, and then gave his obviously crying friend a worried look. For if he saw him every time, a kola-like feeling in his throat was not long in coming and instantly convinced Robbie that something bad must have happened again. Since he knew about the darkest chapter in Gary's life, and finished it completely, crying, clasping his legs and finding himself fully clothed under a cold-running shower, a shapeless voice echoed him every once in a while, as he looked away from Gary to everyone time could be hurt again. Either by anyone or worse ... it does Gary to himself.

Although Robbie knew only too well that Gary would never really do anything to himself seriously, the thought of the bathing incident made him doubt that it really was just an accident. Because basically, he had finally self-inflicted this one cut. If Gary had already resorted to these means of forgetting everything, what about serious thoughts of suicide? Would he really want to take that one final step for himself sometime in the near future, just because he could not see a way out and the more than terrible story could finally be ended here once and for all? That Gary preferred to commit suicide rather than live with it and remember what was once done to him? The very thought that he might well consider it and make it disappear from his life made his heart stop for a brief moment, so he felt a sharp pain that he simply didn’t want to accept. No. He was not allowed to do that to him. He needed him.

But when he saw Gary put his hand over his slightly tear-stained eyes and sobbed loudly at shorter and shorter intervals, Robbie could not stand it any longer and felt that he had to do something more than urgent. So he took his little friend in a little closer hug and asked carefully what he had. 

"Gaz? ...Hey. What do you have?"  
"I ...I... I don’t want to ..." Gary then stammered in a strangled voice, where it finally but completely failed him as well as expected.  
Since Robbie already had some foreboding about what might be going on here, and so upset Gary again, he tried to suggest to him, with a few soothing and encouraging words, that all this was slowly but surely coming to an end and he was getting closer so did not have to worry: "It's Okay. You don’t have to say anything. I think I already know what's going on. ...You want to get out of here, right? ...In three or four days you will too and then I assure you that this horrible nightmare finally comes to an end here soon. All you have to do is hold out. Okay?"  
"...to die!" Gary somehow found a way to open up to Robbie, letting him know that he was rather afraid of the possible outcome of this story.

When Robbie heard that Gary was so much more afraid of giving up his life in this tragedy, and his own previous thoughts that he might yet be suicidal turned out to be completely wrong, he was visibly relieved and barely breathing audible. That he had seriously thought about it had been completely superfluous. No. Why should Gary suddenly start throwing his still existing and everyday fears overboard?

"You will not. Not as long as I am by your side. ...I'll be able to prevent that somehow.", Robbie tried to convince his best Gary that he would do everything possible for him, so that this fear could not strike first and could really set an irrevocable end, "This perverse pig will in any case never come too close to you again and if so, then he must pass me before. I'll tell you, as soon as he even looks at you wrong, he will definitely want to never be born. He will definitely bleed for what he did to you. ...I will break every single bone in him. I'll stick his eyes out. I ...I'll grab him by his shrivelled banana and neuter with a rusting pruner."

No sooner had Robbie pronounced his last spell, which he would do to this guy so all, the still slightly sobbing Gary couldn’t resist a small and mischievous smile, even making a half-loud laughing noise. What he regretted but in advance, because at first his chest hurt him like in a long time no more. Only after he got used to it and chased an endorphin-enriched and warm tsunami through his damaged body did it just feel good. It somehow gave him the feeling of inner peace and something like ...bliss. 

 

Since Gary could not really talk about luck because of the recent and of course the current events, this wrong feeling worried him immensely and so he took refuge in a position that was not exactly painless for him. As he moved to the left side with a rather tormented expression on his face, Gary turned his attention to Robbie and, casually, asked him if that was a good idea. After all, that kind of position was not exactly conducive to his damaged ribs. Whereupon the smaller one only replied that it was still reasonably bearable and additionally helped him to get that one awful voice, which was constantly telling him that he might soon be confronted with his demise, to get out of his head for the time being. After Gary held a decent position, he buried himself in Robbie's broad chest as far as he could seek a more than hopefully protective hug. A which one that Robbie gave him willingly and naturally. 

"Oh Rob. It really means a lot to me that you are by my side. Heaven sent you truly." Gary whispered into the embrace at some point, letting his best friend know how happy he was that this was part of his life again, and for him, the lifesaver in distress.  
"Don’t overdo it. I'm still not a creature of the sky.", Robbie gave the humble and could then only Gary's words back, " ...But you mean a lot to me too, more than everything. I ...I don’t even know what I would do if I lost you one day."

Even though Gary knew that Robbie had basically meant well with his choice of words and certainly had not intended it, he still felt how the tears, which had recently dried up arose hot again and left his eyes immediately. Even before one or the other found his way down to his slightly unkempt three-day beard, Gary instantly grabbed Robbie's top with one hand and began to cry softly again. The fear that this one day could not be in a too distant future was there but quite large and let Gary look into a deep abyss, where there was definitely no tomorrow. When Robbie became aware of what he had clearly triggered in Gary, he felt a guilty conscience immediately and tried to persuade his friend, as he meant it to be, and let him know by the way that no one was talking get him up so fast to do anything to him. ...That he was more than sure from now on. 

"Hey. Come on. You know how I meant it. That one day is still in the distance and not just tomorrow ...or in the next few weeks, months or years. You will not. Okay? ...There are about a dozen men out there who are just out to prevent and protect you. I promise you, this damned asshole will not get close to you anymore. Soon he will be placed behind bars and stewed there in solitary confinement for all time. Believe me, that will be the end of this perverted pig and not yours. ... For God's sake, do not listen to that voice that whispers such a nonsense to you. You know that's not true. ...And besides, please do not distract yourself again with any physical pain. I'm sure there's a slightly more pleasant way to let that voice leave you alone. ...But unfortunately, I cannot think of anything at the moment." Robbie thought aloud about how he could help Gary in terms of his self-portrayal. 

There had to be something there without Gary delivering himself to any pain. But as much as Robbie thought about it, not even the smallest idea opened to him.

 

After several thoughts about it, where he did not have a single idea and Gary could calm down a bit, Robbie was eventually taken by his friend's hand. Although Robbie didn’t mind Gary suddenly wanting to hold hands with him, but when he found his hand in Gary's crotch shortly afterward and Gary easily brought a soft and audibly pleased groan to his slightly open lips, Robbie got to do it with fear. Did he really want to get a "whack off" from him? No. He couldn’t do that. First of all, that his second rape was still too fresh and secondly, he wanted by a very probable mistake, which he would later deeply regret, his new friendship with Gary in no way endanger or even begin to risk. Okay. He really loved this man about everything and would even want to commit a murder for him, but this wasn’t so easy to reconcile with him. With that he could ruin everything rebuilt again.

"G ...Gaz? What you up to? ...What is that supposed to do?" Robbie asked awkwardly and by the way was still bright red like a boiled lobster.

God. Why did Gary do that to him? How did he come up with the insane idea that he had to do that for him? Couldn’t he lend a hand to himself? In addition, something like this could be done very well solo. So, why did he need him for that? Added to that was the fact that they were in a hospital here. In a public building, where really everyone could just come in and without asking. Even if Robbie agreed and he only gave Gary a pure "hand work", he still did not want to get caught.

But before Gary could comment on it, Robbie wanted to get his hand back quickly, and after he had pulled this more than hurriedly away, he immediately went to his legs and thus sought the necessary distance.

"Rob? …Please. I ..." Gary tried to avoid an embarrassing silence, trying to get Robbie to know that he was a little uncomfortable and at the same time anxious.  
But he didn’t get any further because Robbie simply cut him off and didn’t even want to hear the slightest hint from him: "No. …No. Forget it. After all that has happened, you cannot expect me to bring you one. No. Not with me. I will not do that. No way. You know I really want to do anything for you, but you cannot ask for that from me. ...How do you even get the crazy idea to make it even in the "public". Did you forget where we are here? …No. Go find a urologist. He certainly has no problems with that. I'll bet you can even find it here in a hospital ...or do it yourself, but not with me. I will certainly not help you with this. I ...I have to get out of here. That's going to be too much for me now."

When Robbie also said that he needed more than a little distance and thus a certain amount of time for himself, he finally turned his back on Gary and wanted to leave the room only by the quickest route. As he headed for the exit, Gary pleaded with him in a slightly whiny voice, desperately pleading that he could not just leave him alone for God's sake. The words, which Robbie tried to ignore somehow, didn’t even catch the slightest hearing. No sooner was Robbie at the door and his hand already covered the pawl, he heard shortly after a sudden and falling to floor noise, which made him somehow sit up. Packed by his overly human curiosity and a touch of guilty conscience, he turned around one last time, at least wanting to know who or what was behind this ..."dumping". After a very cautious glance back into the room, frighteningly finding an empty bed, he instantly felt that something was wrong.

"Gaz? ...Where are you?" Robbie asked visibly strained into the apparently empty room.

When he heard a groan of pain, Robbie rounded the half bed where he finally saw his friend lying on the floor. Since he was still lying on his stomach and had difficulty breathing and getting back on his feet, Robbie hurried to get to his side.

"Gary." The entertainer brought it out just and wanted to help the fallen Gary, so he found the fastest way back to bed.

Considering that Gary had also consulted a couple of bruised ribs because of what had happened last night, he grabbed him by the side more gently than he could to get him to his feet. But before Robbie put Gary in a somewhat decent position, he suddenly blurted him off with the words, "Leave me. I ...I can do it alone." pushed away. As it was predictable, Robbie then lost his balance and even went even to the ground, where he could only look at Gary with mixed feelings. For a moment, he actually didn’t want to let his counterpart go for him because of this assault and if he wanted to hit him. But what he did in favour of his friend and because of his current pain, omitted. After dismissing Gary and keeping him at a distance, it was his right now to push him away from him as well. But Gary also had to realize that he did not make the way back to bed alone. He still lacked the necessary strength and was still a bit wobbly on his feet. After the preliminary work Robbie Gary had already given on the way, he managed at least somehow to go into a sitting position.

 

As Gary sat there, staring blankly ahead of him, a single tear rolled down his cheek, whispering that he would not be able to do all this for much longer. In the last few years, since he had reconciled with Robbie and buried her differences like the proverbial hatchet for all time, not only was he taking a heavy load off his shoulders, but also a no more or less lengthy series of bad luck. He was finally regarded by the public as a serious artist and recognized. Something he had always wanted. What he didn’t have to wait long for luck. It was followed by another successful Take That album, as well as the single with Robbie, where it was announced shortly thereafter that this would return to its roots again. In the end, to his surprise, this hit series was crowned by the Best English Songwriter of all time ...and even before such greats as Paul McCartney or John Lennon. The best thing was that not even his private life came up short. With the birth of his third child, he really could not be happier, although he had to endure a severe stroke of fate in the same year. Despite the sudden death of his beloved father, these last few years passed him by like a rush, making him the best Gary ever could.

But who could already suspect at this time that Dawn stole secretly with the children and just so out of his life and he was incidentally a lust object of a perverted lunatic? Definitely nobody. Yes, not even him. While Dawn was icy cold and with her spiky heels on Gary's heart had performed a wild flamenco dance, the rest of his body was dragged and abused by a runaway, sex-obsessed stalker into the next alley for some sexual fantasies. Therefore, it was only a matter of time before even one like Gary hoisted the white flag and thus fled in a vegetative state. He would then be in a world where he didn’t have a single friend left and was on his own. Actually, he was already well on the way there, but as long as a certain Robbie Williams was at his side, he could just catch the really last-minute exit at the last minute. Losing him now would definitely be a death sentence.

No. He needed him. More than anything else. ...Robbie was his last hope.

"P ...please. Don’t ...don’t leave me alone. ...I... I need you. You’re ...you’re the only one I still have. ...If... if you leave me now, then ...then I have no one. I ... I cannot lose you again." Gary sobbed softly in delirium and slowly but surely began to believe, as soon as Robbie left the room, he would never come back again.  
"You will not lose me either. No matter what comes. I will always be with you. …Always."  
"No. You ...you'll leave me alone again and then ...then..." Gary's fear was that Robbie would leave him alone again someday, as he had done yesterday and could disappear beyond his death, for all time.  
"Hey. Come on. He will not come back. Okay? As I've already told you, there are currently about a dozen men out there who are solely responsible for your safety. Please don’t worry about that. ... I’m... I'm just so sorry that I just wanted to run away from you." Robbie could no longer see how Gary tortured himself and tried this, with the wrong assumption what this actually wanted to tell him and one not finished Sorry to calm down somehow.

But that did not help. For instead of being comforted by Robbie's words, Gary let himself be dragged from an invisible power to the vegetative state, where he forgot everything around him and began to cry silently. While he gave himself completely to all of his tears, which really had to pour out of his eyes like a pure deluge and had to limit his view considerably, he did not even utter the slightest sound. It was a picture that terrified Robbie immensely. Although he had already found Gary here in quite a few moods with the rightful and appropriate position since the beginning of this story, that was something that took him more than visibly. Gary just couldn’t give up himself that way. Had he forgotten yesterday, at least until late in the evening, where they were working on their first and joint album? Despite initial difficulties and, of course, with his help, Gary had finally managed to drop and therefore even feel a little good. What Robbie definitely to see in Gary's eyes, too. It had not been the old glitz by far, but it was a step in the right direction to make it somehow forgotten. But with another rape, everything was destroyed again and let Gary fall into even a deeper hole than he was before.

In order to get Gary out of the said hole and since Robbie did not make friends with this picture of his friend either, or couldn’t look at him any longer, he had to come up with something much more than just being at his side. What Gary needed now was somebody who somehow made him think otherwise. But how was Robbie going to do that if neither a heartfelt hug nor a few warm words helped? No matter what he did, it would not help Gary escape from his dark prison. Not even remotely. In order for him to gain his attention, he had to....

The very thought that, given the current situation, there was no way around it, Robbie was immediately seized by a fear that he could unnecessarily hurt his friend even more. After all, this was already more than enough damaged. Physically as well as mentally. No. And besides, Robbie had sworn that he would especially better himself to Gary and never again do him any harm, in whatever form. Although his attacks have so far only been verbal, it was of course out of the question to allow his new best friend to experience any physical pain. Definitely not. But it looked like he had no other choice now. He had to do it. 

So Robbie finally put the idea of Gary into action, with which he could hopefully bring him to other thoughts and put this one with the wildest and mixed feelings a hand in his crotch. At first the little one did not even react in the slightest, but when Robbie began to massage a certain part of his body through the thin fabric of the boxer shorts, Gary finally let himself be tempted to a soft moan. Only after he had put his initial shyness aside did Robbie become bolder and slide one hand into unfamiliar territory, getting to know Gary in a rather unfamiliar and unconventional way he had ever intended. No sooner had the first and correct sexual contact between the two, skin to skin, let Robbie not long in coming to "entertain" his little friend in the very best manner ...and in a hospital, where really any time at any time come in and catch them.


	17. Where Is The Danger

He had done it. ... He had really done it!

He, Robbie Williams, had indeed put his then hated and best friend today, Gary Barlow, hand and this way also helped to a perfect and unforgettable highlight of pleasure. Wow. It had not only been personally a more than varied, drastic and adventurous experience for him personally, but it would definitely have been the headline that would go more than once around the world. However, since nobody was interested in how it was at the time of Gary's second shoulder surgery, fortunately their actions did not go unnoticed. This small, dirty and somehow sweet secret that they shared now, of course, was only the two what and was therefore without exception behind closed doors. Although the local hospital doors here, could not really be described as closed.

Despite all this, Robbie was more than happy that he had led Gary to the land of hopefully good dreams with his handwork. After all that had happened so far and also because of recent events, his little friend needed more than much sleep. The only thing he got when Robbie took him in his arms. Since Gary could continue to treat his mind to a deserved break, Robbie managed to get him back to bed with carefully crafted gestures. When he saw him lying in the white bed sheets and calmly sleeping, it was still warm at the sight of his heart and so he then went to his little friend in his bed, lay on his side and took him in half and safe hug. Finally, Gary should enjoy the soothing sleep as long as possible. But the longer he watched him sleep his eyes became more and more difficult with time until he finally fell asleep.

 

Meanwhile, in the canteen, where Mark, Jason and Howard had already gathered and sipped a strong cup of coffee, the three friends in a sitting room tried to somehow deal with this unfamiliar and intricate situation until one of them began to speak their thoughts out loud.

"I still cannot believe all this. Why does it have to happen to Gary ...and then, shortly after Dawn broke his heart?" Mark was the one who still couldn’t understand this extremely compelling story here and it was more than just getting under his skin.

After Howard had taken a slightly larger mouthful, he threw Mark over the edge of his cup a no less ignorant look and nodded this only silently. Although they had had to go through a lot together, but this was clearly the worst life and friendship test they had ever experienced, pushing them to their limits, for the most part far beyond. Although he and Mark had left their own about three hours ago, none of them wanted to know how far Robbie was before them. For him, it must certainly be the hardest to get along with it. For somehow Howard could imagine, that he didn’t want to lose his new friendship with Gary. In his opinion, he really did everything that made a true friend ...and that was what Gary needed now too.

"If you ask me, there's something wrong at all." Jason raised his concerns shortly thereafter.  
"How do you mean? I mean ...in which way do you think?" Mark hadn’t the slightest idea of what Jason's line of thought looked like.  
"The more I think about it, the more I get a bad feeling about the whole thing. ...What if Dawn got blackmailed by that bastard? How high is there the probability that this also goes to his account and he wants to destroy Gaz systematically with it?" Jason finally spoke softly of a point that no one had ever dared to even verbally to "aloud" to the language bring.  
"You think that Dawn blackmailed this guy into this ugly and inhumane separation and so ...to take our captain ...out of the sails once and for all, until he goes down with the ship and pulls him into his wet grave?" Howard then lowered his voice to the same frequency Jason was speaking to, trying to circumvent the inevitable, which included the previously unspoken sentence and thus the frightening revelation, with a metaphor.  
"Oh my god. If that's true then that means Gaz is hovering more than deadly!" Mark whispered so softly at the time that Howard and Jason had their difficulties understanding him at all, and by the way was absolute and rock-solid, just for that reason the security around Gary had to be reinforced again, that they should forward their suspicion immediately to the friendly police officer, where he pronounced his first name and threatened to hyperventilate to the end, "I think we have more than necessarily and immediately Timothy teach in it, what we suspect. We cannot just stand there and sit idly by and watch this miserable bastard kill Gary more than torturously slow. We cannot even allow that in the least. We ...we ..."  
"Easy, Mark. Please come down again. I can fully understand your fear for Gaz, but it doesn’t bring us anything now if we panic and throw caution overboard. In addition, we will know how to prevent this somehow. Okay? ...Only, I don’t think it's a good idea to put our suspicions on Timothy." Jason tried to reassure the smaller one in their midst and even casually stated that they shouldn’t talk to anyone about it at first.  
"What? Why? Don’t you trust him?" Howard did not understand at first why Jason didn’t trust him so much.  
"That has nothing to do with trust now. I just think we should retire a bit and go in search of Dawn." Jason found it better that they look for Dawn and then, if necessary, ask for certain answers.  
"Do you really think that's a smart idea? What if, all of this is part of a long and sick game, including kidnapping Dawn and trying to trap us with it?"  
"To be perfectly honest, I don’t think that much. I think it's more likely that she's hiding somewhere. ...With a different look and a whole new identity."  
"Even if what we suspect is absolutely conclusive, I would first like to have a proof in my hands. It may also be that we are now because of Garys ... It may also be that we are now because of Garys ... well you know, interpret too much pure." Mark still clung to his only and last hope that they read between the lines just too much and therefore it was it is extremely important to him to hold in his hands a certain, valid and verifiable proof in his hands.  
"Mark. This has already happened for the second time. What else do you need? For me, that cannot be unequivocal ...and we have to start somewhere." Jason was over one hundred percent sure that it could not be otherwise and let the younger one know that he no longer had any proof of her further approach needed.  
"Well. Mark isn’t so wrong. ...I would much rather be there if we have something in our hands." Howard tried to keep his slightly fidgety legs under control, although he was about to embark on a possibly long-lasting and adventurous search by first hitting Mark in whose view but had to give right and they should hold something incriminating in their hands.   
"All right, I'm out of tune with that. Then we have to find something to prove it with." Jason finally gave in and let the majority overrule him, but he did not come around to devise a plan as they now came to evidence.

So the boys had no choice but to keep their legs still and patience, even if it was something like Howard, and especially Jason, that went against the grain. They wanted more than necessary to do something for their mutual friend so that he finally approached them again and that he had no longer to be afraid that any runaway madman did anything to him. A quick end to all this was only desirable for Gary. He deserved more than anything else to lead a carefree life. One that was not threatened by an eternal shadow.

 

The days passed. After about two or three weeks, during which time nothing had happened except that Gary was released from the hospital and could return to Robbie's estate, at least with good news that the tests on all venereal diseases had all been negative, then something happened, which no one had expected so quickly and thus proved to be a kind of key moment in this story.

It was like a day off like any other, and while the sun had just shone an hour ago and sent its warm rays to Earth, a certain Jason Orange was already on his feet and riding his bike next supermarket, where he is still on the fast for a breakfast with Howard and Mark. Which’s he had invited a few days ago and now had to make a few purchases. After collecting all his purchases and heading for the cash register, he tried to leave the corridor with the hair care products as quickly as possible, until suddenly a woman came to meet him, who merely acknowledged him for a moment and then stared at him facial expression tried to avoid any eye contact. Actually, Jason did not have time to focus his attention on this one good lady, but somehow she looked so familiar to him. If the long brown hair and glasses were not, she might be considered smooth for Dawn!

"Dawn?" Jason could not help but utter his thoughts in a low voice.

Shortly after he had brought the name over his thin lips, the addressed one suddenly tried to take off and thereby leave the Take That singer/dancer behind as quickly as possible. Already due to the strange behaviour opposite him, there was no doubt now. That was definitely Dawn. The woman who broken Gary's heart. Without much thought, Jason ran after her until he caught up with her after a few meters and grabbed his arm roughly. 

"Damn it, Dawn. What's the point and just do not get me confused with someone else. I know it's you. I know you too well for that. ...So, what in God's name is just going on with you and most of all, why are you doing this to Gary? Do you have any idea what he's going through?" Jason could no longer keep his pent-up anger, bitterness and bewilderment in a Dawn to himself and wanted more than finally have answers, what she had driven to, why she simply her husband so and without saying a word what to say.  
"That's his problem, not mine." Dawn retorted in an indifferent voice, sounding, at least in Jason's ears, not exactly convincing.   
"I beg your pardon? That cannot be serious now? He is still your husband and should also be your problem."  
"The only problem I have is that he has one and that one problem is none of my business. What's hard to understand?"  
"Do you actually hear yourself talking? ...What is that please for a miserable statement? Among other things, it is only because of you that he is going through the worst hell on earth that you can only imagine."  
"He shouldn’t do it like that and after all, he's a grown man ...and besides, do not overdramatize it."  
"I overdramatize? I have not even started it yet. If I told you what had happened to him since your breakup, not only will you have a icy chill running down your spine, but you would certainly look at everything here with different eyes."  
"Oh. I can see the picture right in front of me. How he goes to bed with any forgotten and past love affairs or a run groupie."  
"You don’t believe that seriously now. Gary would never want to do that in life, so he loves you too much. You are his number one and that will never change. You are for him the only woman who cares and cares more about him than anything else. You are…"  
"Now stop it. You have no idea about what I have to endure because of him at the moment!" Dawn interrupted Jason immediately and just wanted to end this "to-no-leading" conversation here and disappear by sitting on a shelf right next to her grabbed a can of hairspray and then handed it to Jason, "...Here. So you can stick together your messed-up and unimaginative brain cells and hopefully you will then realize what he's done to me and that he's not entirely innocent of it."

With these words, Dawn simply turned around and then entered the retreat in no time, whereupon she was no longer visible within seven meters and apparently sought her salvation in the next but one corridor. While Jason could only look after her blankly and could only shake his head about her behaviour, he remained standing there unmoved and rooted. What in God's name is going on with this woman? How could she suggest to Gary that he was already looking around for all sorts of women and getting into bed with them? No. That wasn’t Gary's way at all. He was way too decent for that. In addition, there was also the fact that the nineties and the last one-night stand by Gary were far too long ago. As he thought about it, how it all fit together and tried to read between the lines, he threw a no less questioning look at the hair spray can, which the back offered him as a view. But when he saw the warning sign of danger, Jason immediately stopped, and then got a very unpleasant feeling, which did not leave him alone. Obviously, Dawn wanted to tell him that there was absolute, and probably very high, mortal danger in this exceedingly timid story. Only now the question arose, and now he was more than certain that Dawn was forced to make that separation who this nasty guy was exactly and how he fit into this picture.

With the sudden fear that Gary or someone else in their community might prematurely bless the time, Jason suddenly turned white as a wall and then hurried to leave the supermarket as quickly as possible. He had to get out of here more than urgently. Not only because he needed fresh air, but also so that he could tell his two friends, Howard and Mark, about his encounter with Dawn and then they worked together on the puzzle solution. 

 

After a good fifteen minutes, Jason finally found himself at his front door, where he actually discovered the car of Mark on the roadside. It looked like his two friends were already there and then, for the sake of simplicity, they would have let themselves in with the spare key for emergencies. In such times, and especially in the last six weeks, when their friendship and, of course, not to forget their mutual trust with each other was demanded in the most extreme, it had been more than good that they had all the spare keys long before this drama distributed among themselves for emergencies. Okay. His confidence in Howard and Mark has never been broken before, and yet the thought comforted him immensely that today they appreciated each other more than anything else and were invariably there for each other. His friendship with each one of them, even Robbie, was the best thing that could ever happen to him. They had all become an important part of his life and he didn’t even want to miss one of those incredible boys. ...And for that reason alone, he had to do everything to keep his nerves and thus help, that this one perverse guy who was after Gary, more than finally got behind bars and his friend no longer fear for his own life needed. 

With that one thought that something big was about to happen, and in the worst case, God forbid, give one his life, Jason finally opened the front door and shortly after the caffeinated scent of a fresh coffee rose to his nostrils, he too already greeted by one of his friends with warm words.

"Hey, Jay. Here you are at last. I hope you don’t mind that we have let ourselves in. Can I help you carry your purchases?"  
"No. Of course not. That's fine. Why should you let your legs stand in the stomach? …That would be nice. Here, you could maybe take the milk cartons off." Jason absolutely did not mind, and while Howard already took the jammed milk cartons from him, he thanked him for his help.  
"Is everything alright with you? You look a little bit taken aback." Howard Jason noted that he was worried about something.

When the two friends were finally leaving the lobby behind and were already making big strides toward the living area, Jason just wanted to rises his voice one more time to give him an answer, in that one moment Mark stepped into their perspective and wanted to know from his missing friend, what had stopped him.

"Jay. Thank God. I just wanted to start worrying about you. Otherwise you are never so late."  
"You really don’t need to worry about me. I can take care of myself." Jason tried to explain in a calm voice that he didn’t have to worry about his person and then finally pronounced what he was currently anxious about, "We should be extremely worried about do Gary!"  
"What? How ...how do you mean that? Did something happen again?" Mark instantly let himself be infected by his fear, with all the alarm bells ringing in him.  
"No. At least not yet. ...But a voice tells me it can happen at any moment." Jason only managed a whisper.

Thereupon, Howard and Mark looked more than scary and somehow tried to control their own and sudden ascending anxiety. But they did not even succeed. Because even if Jason was confronted with his own fear that something terrible could happen in the foreseeable future, they should take it at face value and take it more seriously. On Jason's feeling was basically relying.

Before one of them could ask how Jason suddenly got scared, he had the bomb burst: "Dawn! ...In the supermarket where I had just been, I actually met Dawn."  
"Seriously? How is she doing? What does she look like? What did she say?" Mark wanted to have answered several questions at once.  
"Oh. Please. Don’t start with her now. When I already hear the name, my toenails are rolling up. No. The woman is finally down with me now." Howard could not afford even the slightest understanding for Gary's wife.  
"No offense, Doug. But I think you are doing her wrong."  
"Oh, come on, she has ripped Gary's heart out of his chest in the most brutal way and now dances a wild and furious flamenco on it regardless of any losses. You can not seriously ask for me to understand that."  
"No. Of course not. But I'm one hundred percent sure that Dawn was forced into this breakup and blackmailed. It cannot be otherwise."  
"You know that I just want to believe that ...just for Gaz alone, but I would still want to have proof of that in my hands."  
"I do not have a solid proof now, but you can already see it with a good dose of logic that it has to be that way. I mean, look at how Dawn broke up with Gary. She would never do that level. That's not her style at all. You should have experienced her before. Okay. She had seriously reproached him for going to bed with every runaway woman and had not even said a word about how it all came about or why she could have left him in such a bad way, but ended up having it she said something like that, I have no idea what she is going through right now. So?"  
"Somehow, it almost sounds as if she wanted to tell you something." Howard already thought he could hear from Jason's words what he was trying to tell them.  
"And that's exactly what I want to get out of. ...I just think of something else. Doug, you had the last Dawns farewell words to Gary in your hands, did you even give them back to Rob?" Jason confirmed his suspicions and asked casually whether this was in the possession of the napkin.  
"No, I didn’t.", Howard immediately knew that he still had the said napkin somewhere and after a sudden flash of thought, he patted every single bag he wore on his body and then believed to know where this pieces of cloth was found, "Wait a minute. I'm not sure about that, but I think ...Yes. I even have it with me."  
"Can I have it?"  
"Of course. Here. What are you thinking of?" Howard Jason finally handed over the paper napkin, which had been knotted together in anger.  
"I have an idea and if I'm right, Mark has his proof." Jason merely said.

As soon as Jason held an unequal ball in his hand, he immediately pinned it apart until a spangled script finally appeared. His eyes narrowed slightly, he glanced at the lines Dawn Gary had left, trying to find confirmation of his suspicions. But that alone and because of the writing, was not easy. But then, when he realized it, Jason suddenly took on a slightly pale complexion, and as he gave his two boys a rather timid look, he immediately let them know that it was a hidden message.

"Guys. I have it ...and you will not like it."  
"And that would be? ...Come on, Jay. Stop for God's sake so to put us under tension. Do you even know that you're just scared the hell out of me? I beg you do not let any single word get out of your nose." Mark could not stand this more than unbearable tension and with these words immediately put himself on Jason's side, to get it out of necessity.  
"Okay. I'll show it to you." Jason was more intent on showing it to them than saying it out loud instead, and then, with quick steps, stood at a small table to better illustrate the two with the help of a pen, "Here. It starts here. Take a close look at the **D** in _read_."  
"It's written a little differently." Howard remarked after the second look.  
"Right ...and here, the **A** in _away_ , and there the **N** in the _children_." Mark now recognized it, pointing to two more words that were written in the same way.  
"In _again_ it's the **G** ...and in the word _concern_ it's definitely the **E**." Howard added shortly after in the same number of letters.  
"And not to mention the **R** in _closer_." Mark understood the riddle and tried in the same breath to solve this, "And if you combine all the letters into a single word, then it means ... **Danger**!"  
"Oh God. Now it runs more than once ice cold down my back. ...That means that Dawn and, or just Gary, is in mortal danger." Howard just made a whisper and as he felt a chill, he rubbed his goose-bumped arms.  
"And that's not all. When Dawn had left me earlier, she had finally put a dose of hairspray in my hand, but so that I only got to see the back. ...I think you know what I'm referring to, Mark. You're going to consume the two or three cans in a week." Jason Mark and Howard had yet to know how the final scene between Dawn and him had played, then turned to the smaller one in their midst, using him in his words unintentionally grabbed his vanity.  
"First of all, I think that's not funny at all and secondly, so that's finally clear, I use only one. Okay? ...But I already know what you mean, the warning label for danger." Mark initially defended himself on the spell, where he found it in their current situation, not even in the least funny, whereupon he but then immediately recovered and therefore knew what Jason actually wanted to tell him.  
"Exactly, and that means Gaz has more than a serious problem. He floats in the highest mortal danger! ...The only question now is who this guy is and why he wants to destroy Gary's life once and for all." Jason finally expressed his greatest fear for one of his best friends.  
"I think we should ask the question of who he is and why, first back and Rob more than urgently send a warning." Howard felt it more important that they should first set priorities and then followed up significantly by they sent a warning to Robbie as soon as possible.

Robbie had to be warned in any case, that was not a question ...and if, because they were all agreed, for now only he. Surely it was safe. Because somehow they had the extremely oppressive feeling, that this more than terrible and frightening story was planned here by a long hand with it. One that may even have been thought up years ago and then worked out to the present day, or maybe even in the coming days, from start to finish.


	18. I'd Be Lost In The Fire

Although it was a pretty tranquil morning for sure, which could not be more beautiful and something of extremely peaceful, but you felt that somewhere below the horizon something huge built up and therefore soon show his extremely ugly and pitch-black face would. The momentary silence was more than deceptive, and so this generous thunderstorm, without a word of warning, could start within a few seconds and destroy everything that came in its path once and for all. But no one could say what the danger involved was. But a small and cautious look at this upcoming threat would be more than good. What then also opened up in the course of the further early morning ...and by means of a text messages.

After Robbie received a more than scary and disturbing message from Mark that from now on he would keep more than a close eye on her surroundings and of course take care of himself next to Gary, his heart suddenly felt extremely oppressive from then on, he couldn’t let go of it, thus casually triggering an initial panic. But Robbie also knew that he was not allowed to get over it now and had to try for Gary alone, with everything he could muster to fight against it. Even if it was difficult. Because he did not want to confuse his little friend and certainly did not want to be scared, he kept this knowledge for himself. In addition, he was asked in the text message, among other things, to talk to anyone about it. Maybe with Ayda or if he thought it would be a good idea, also with Gary. 

 

After receiving this SMS, Robbie was thinking all the time and more than feverishly about whether or not he should tell anyone about it. After all, it could turn out to be an advantage, but unfortunately to the detriment. But the longer Robbie thought about it, the more nervous he became. But when suddenly it came out of the garden and then out of the corridors, these thoughts dissipated as quickly as they had come up. The furious barking of the dogs and the vocal instructions and subsequent responses to Timothy's group mingled in Robbie's ear canals with a gigantic buzz that instantly put him on alert. With obvious tension and, of course, out of pure curiosity, why his dogs suddenly outgrew and the guys around Gary’s security joined in seamlessly, he finally stepped to the window to get a picture of himself. But except for his dogs and the running after society of covert police, at least most of them, but nothing more was seen.

Shortly thereafter, one of Timothy's trusting group came in, who immediately asked him to step out of the window of precautionary measures and thus better stay out of reach and sight. Without a comment and only with a simple nod, Robbie followed this instruction and immediately went to Gary's side. As he looked at his little buddy, this seemed even more tenses than he himself and he also saw him that he just had to feel a huge fear. What he also recognized by the fact that Gary had now adopted a pale complexion and already trembling slightly. Arriving at his side, Robbie put an arm protectively around his shoulders and whispered to him by the way that everything would be fine again, that this was just a false alarm and that he did not have to be afraid. But in spite of those warm words, Gary did not even settle in the slightest. It was as if his little friend was feeling more than a deep-seated fear, and moreover, his exceedingly anxious glances kept slipping over to that one policeman, who was stepping outside the window himself and pulling the curtains. For a brief moment, he stopped there to unseen any violence, then reached for his holster and finally took his weapon, which he immediately and naturally released.

When he turned to the two friends and looked at them one-on-one with an emotionless, icy-cold and determined look, Robbie suddenly got scared and pulled Gary closer.

"Rob? I ...I..." Gary suddenly spoke softly and without moving his lips so well that only Robbie could hear it.  
"Okay. Williams. You go to the wall there and you Barlow ...come over to me immediately." The policeman said in an unfamiliar low-pitched, harsh and slightly threatening voice.  
"What? Why? …No. I will not do that for sure. I will not leave Gary's side. Not even in millions of years. They need a chainsaw to be able to separate me from them at all."  
"And what’s about a bullet?" The voice sounded even more threatening, while the policeman raised his weapon, aiming alternately at the two friends.  
When Gary's and Robbie's shocked and fearful eyes fell on the mouth of a deadly weapon, they realized with horror that it was also equipped with a silencer. So now if a shot fell, no one would hear. No soul. Only themselves. Okay. They might scream for help, but first of all, they would run the risk of being hit by a bullet, and on the other hand, Robbie doubted anyone would ever hear their calls. After all, everyone was out in the garden chasing after a mysterious, invisible phantom which was up here with him and Gary. 

_Fuck_

The whole thing had to be planned from beginning to end and that for years. It couldn’t be different. Just thinking about it, all the hair he knew about his body resisted him.

To show this guy in front of him that he was not intimidated by him and certainly not from Gary's side, Robbie pulled his little friend even closer to him and thought with no second to pursue his claim in the least. No. Never, just about his rotting corpse.

But shortly thereafter, the devastating shot broke and the bullet fired hit his left arm, pushing Gary protectively against his body and tearing him down. While the entertainer pressed a hand on his bleeding bullet wound in violent pain and now it was already a bit dull in his eyes, he had to watch as his fearsome friend from the wrong policeman was roughly grabbed by the arm and the content got a syringe chased in the neck. At the moment Gary was squeezed to the knees by a muscle-blocker, the guy grabbed the motionless and voluptuous figure of a broken man, slid him over his shoulders, and finally gave Robbie a very sinister and deadly look and then disappeared without it to lose another word on Nevermore. 

"No. Not. ...Leave him alone. You ...you disgusting, stinking and brainless son of a bitch. If you do not immediately leave your crumpled fingers off Gary, I'll kill you!" Robbie said in pain and with a feeble voice just as the fake cop shouldered Gary and after that perverted lunatic had finally disappeared, he did the worst of the allegations and casually fearing for his kidnapped friend, "Fuck. How ...how could that happen to you, Robert? ...Why didn’t you check it out before that all this ...is planned by this miserable sewer rat long hand? ...If... if he kills Gary now ...that's your own goddamn guilt. …God. What have I done? I ...I killed my best friend. ... I'm so sorry, Gaz. Forgive me for breaking my promise. ...You cannot ...die."

Shortly after Robbie had used all his energy to talk to himself and made an icy and gigantic emptiness in his heart, everything around him went black and then glided over into his last thought about his friend's life very dark world of unconsciousness.

 

At some point, and if it was too slow, a blue-and-white gap opened up in this eternally pitch-black hole here, more than finally, and after what felt like an eternity, becoming brighter and brighter over time. But it was not even a second before the eyes started to hurt due to this inhumane light. To escape this somehow, Robbie blinked several times against it and also felt more pain, but this time ran out of his left arm. Groaning, he searched for the necessary hold, as if it would help him that the pain was a bit bearable. Instead of his injured arm, however, his hand found itself shortly thereafter in another, which gave him any support and let him know that he wasn’t alone. 

"Rob? Babe. It's all right. It'll be fine again." Robbie heard shortly after the gentle and beautiful voice Aydas.  
"No. I ...I have to find Gaz."  
"You don’t have to do anything. Let the police do that. That's too dangerous. Do you even know what your luck was, that you still have your arm? ...There was not much missing and you would be lying here with one arm. I beg you. Don’t do anything in careless, next time you could even get hurt worse or ...lose your own life. You cannot do that to us and above all to Ayda." Jason didn’t want Robbie to take any chances and then turned in the last sentence to Timothy, who for safety reasons had accompanied the boys and of course Ayda to the hospital, "Your men will find him, right?"  
"I hope so. Because Alone for Gary. ...I still cannot believe that all of Officer Reynolds' stuff is a long-held plan and infiltrating us just to get at Gary. Matt was always a decent guy, with whom one could even go for a beer after work. But that had apparently also been part of his plan, to get my confidence. That he threatened Dawn, with whatever, and raped Gary several times and even on the "open road" is already more than a strong piece and also shows how dangerous he really is and who knows what he intends to do next. ...Anyway, the search is out after him and all colleagues will check every single one who wants to get out of London. ...However, it is still a mystery to me how he knew that I am a very good friend with your brother and thus in a sense, have contact with you. I had never really talked to anyone about it. Not even with my boss." Timothy still could not quite believe this whole story here and while he hoped for the boys that Gary would be found reasonably unscathed, this tried to figure out how to come up with a fancy plan.  
"Just a moment. Matt? Mathew Reynolds? ...I don’t know how you guys see it, but the name seems somehow more than darkly known to me." Mark suddenly thought he knew that he already heard or read this name from somewhere.  
"Seriously? And from where if I may ask you." Jason wanted to know more about it.  
"I'm not so sure if that's the same guy, but I mean, I've often seen that name among the various articles that focused on this stupid feud between Gaz and Rob. It may be that the two of them had their problems with each other, but you also know that the press was not entirely innocent in this matter." Mark tried to recall a time like this feud two of his best friends and had everyone else here know how he came to it, "...I know that now only because I've gotten used to remembering the name of the article author over the years."  
"Not bad, Mark. Really. This habit really pays off right now. This probably explains why this Reynolds knew, but I guess much more that it is a kind of pseudonym that Timothy works for the police. Reporters have just so their sources to get some information. ...And it looks like he wanted to destroy Gaz since the end of the nineties, by putting Rob as the good and Gary the bad guy, so Rob's solo career really got started and he got a high-flyer after the other one." Jason found it more than remarkable that Mark had actually read over all the years a habit that now came to his good and let him see through how all this talk about the good Robbie and evil Gary could even arise.  
"Hey. What's that supposed to mean?" Robbie took that one point that concerned him personally and thus the early days of his hugely successful solo career for which he'd worked hard.  
"If you ask me, I think it goes back even further to your boyband time." Ayda was of the absolute and rock-solid opinion that the riddle's solution could be found much more in the mid-nineties.  
"How did you get that?" Jason didn’t understand what she was after.  
"Well. You had told yourself just how your meeting with Dawn had been and how she'd been talking bad about Gary. ...That in her opinion, he would go to bed with every groupie and ex-girlfriends."  
Then Jason looked at her thoughtfully until it suddenly fell to his eyes like the scales and thus had the image of the finished puzzle in front of him: "I idiot. Of course. Gary's last girlfriend before he became a couple with Dawn. What was her name again? I mean that was something with N. She must have something to do with it"  
"Nicky! If I recall correctly, then Gaz had always introduced her as a groupie, so no one suspects." Howard knew the name immediately.  
"Oh please. Don’t start with her now. That stupid cow had broken everything." For Robbie, that name was more than anything else hated.  
"What do you want to say so again?" Jason suddenly became suspicious of this statement and wanted to know something more about it.  
"Oh nothing. ...Only that she's been dead for fourteen years!"  
"She is dead? ...How do you know that and above all, how did she die?"  
"How I know that is completely unimportant now. In any case, during their last sex, Gaz had made her unwillingly pregnant, and when the baby was born too prematurely and dead, she had died at the birth." Robbie said completely unemotionally.  
"Oh God. That had to be pretty painful and hard to deal with for her family. Anyway, this guy, Matt, must be her brother, and he's obviously trying to take what Gary would have agreed with Nicky. "  
"Well, that all-typical and far too often used motive. ...Revenge slash retaliation! Somehow that had already been clear in advance. We need to find the two, and especially Gary, as soon as possible ...and that before it's too late. So I'm suggesting that we ..." Timothy voiced his fear loudly and started to figure out what to do next, but when the door was opened and one of his men came in, he finally stopped himself in the middle of the sentence, "Sergeant Harris. What happened? Is there anything new? Do you have a hot track?"  
Instead of giving an immediate answer, the one colleague looked at Timothy with a slightly petrified expression until he raised his voice after a few tense seconds and called the mischief by his name: "To be completely honest, it's even hot. ...A gigantic fire broke out on the Barlows estate!"

At this very fiery and more than frightening, as well as devastating news, it was in the room suddenly quiet and really with each immediately a void of life, where they all felt themselves to stand in flames. That could not be true now. The momentary fear that their mutual friend was in this devastating fire with his tormentor, and that he could perish in it, rose immensely, and immediately left every one present here with a icy chill running down his spine. This Matt was really about to destroy everything that was important in Gary’s life. He was not only a very dangerous and perverted bastard, but also the fire devil personally. In addition that also meant that now was more than hot and every second counted. 

Driven by the unbearable fear that nothing and no one could be rescued from a purest and possible hellhole, they all went together without delay to their friend's burning estate. Yes, even Robbie was there. Although he should actually stay in bed and spare himself. But after all had told him almost simultaneously that it would be better for him to follow the order of the doctor of bed rest, he had loudly resisted. He was of the absolute and rock-solid mind that he felt more than committed to Gary for his pledge alone, and that he would do his utmost to be there for him until his own end. Leaving him to his own fate was out of the question. No. He was not allowed to let that happen now ...and this at a time when his little friend needed him more than anyone and everything else.

In record time, the group finally arrived on the grounds which’s was in the possession of Gary and which now burned in the meantime before the setting evening sun. Already on the first meters of the way up here, you could see the huge fire and while the high-pitched flames reflected in the shocked and shocked eyes of the friends, they literally lost their speech. It was not just a part of the building that was burning. No. The entire structure stood under the scary and all-destroying fire. Although there were already some fire engines in front of it and so tried the courageous guys with physical strength to erase this unbridled anger of the heat-blowing flames. But no sooner had it managed to get a part of the fire under control, it started at the previously controlled place again from scratch. So you got the feeling, that the fire devil personally poured new oil every time, so that this conflagration could not be erased. At least not until everything was burned down and only the foundation walls were left. It was already desperate. 

When the four friends under the leadership of Timothy and Ayda in tow arrived here more than finally and literally jumped out of the cars, they immediately felt the scorching heat, which hit them immediately and robbed you of more than just their breath. As the five of them froze, staring openly at this deadly danger, their thoughts immediately shifted to the whereabouts of Gary. Where in God's name was he? Was he already freed from this terrible inferno or was he still in the middle of a gigantic and insurmountable sea of flames? Howard, Jason, and Mark, as well as Ayda, searched the surrounding area for their mutual and missing friend with a desperate look. Only Robbie could no longer avert his from this elemental force and so he stared into this fervent wall of fire, until it opened a stifling void in his heart and he then believed to perceive a voice that called to him. 

"No. ... Gaz!!" Robbie then let out his pure fear and desperation in a single, painful cry and was about to go into that cave of a fire-breathing dragon himself.  
Shortly thereafter, he stormed toward the burning building, until Robbie was suddenly knocked to the ground by his friends running after and screaming in panic. Fortunately, not five seconds late. For in the literally last second, three people, with the third on the broad shoulders of another man, had left the gate to hell with a daring dive, causing a huge backdraft, causing everything to explode with a deafening bang.


	19. Till My Bones Are Ashes That Blow In The Breeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. The last chapter of "Don't Say Goodbye To Me ...". I hope you all enjoyed this story here, even if it came across in some places something dark and too emotional.

A week passed. While in the English sky, which’s had shown up until a few days ago in its most beautiful blue, gray clouds and long ago the United Kingdom by the incessant continuous rain almost submerged, but because many got the ever-growing feeling an unstoppable depression. Although it had been drizzling for hours, and hinted at a possible and slow end of all, was the more than crushing and depressed mood, nevertheless, no better. Not even in the beginning. How was it supposed to, when one's own world suddenly decided to give up all existence and therefore had stopped spinning?

With the unbearable feeling of eternal emptiness and the time being conspiring against him, Robbie stood more than gloomy in front of a large window at home and looked out into the world before him, which had lost for him all splendour. But that was also true for his own person. He himself looked really terrible. In addition to a not very ugly noose around his neck, which he had to wear because of the restraint of his left arm, he looked in his black clothes more than unnatural pale and also could be under his reddish eyes make a slight shade, the overall picture of his person further underlined. That he had hardly found sleep in the last few days was instantly recognizable with a look and so he stood his buddy, at least when he last saw him, in no way. In fact, even that bleary indifference that had lingered in the entertainer for days and held him with an icy cold grip, and that one with Gary at the beginning of this story had to fight here alone, he now shared with him.

While Robbie continued to staring out of the rainy world in front of him, staring blankly out of the window, a big tear rolled down his cheek, wondering how all this could possibly happen. So he returned with his thoughts until a few days ago, when for him in a painful way not only a world had stopped, but flew much more into the air. After a scorching and deafening explosion, both he and one, like Howard, Jason, and Mark, were hit by the hardest reality of life. The tragic loss of a more than good friend, one who was all likes a brother for them. This third person, who was carried on his shoulder by one of the sudden storming fire fighters, had not been either Matthew Reynolds or Gary. It was just one of their own line who that had unfortunately broken its ankle in this dangerous and hot-blooded job. When the four of them realized that the man being carried out was not Gary and that he obviously had to be inside during the explosion, it immediately hit them like a very painful blow.

**Gary was dead!**

In response to that shock, which could be seen in their faces for a fraction of a second, manifesting itself as the first tear in the ensuing one, the friends almost simultaneously suffered the worst breakdown they had ever witnessed. In fact, none of them could really believe they would lose one from their midst in such a dramatic way. No. That just could not be true. Gary could not leave their common world so early ...and then possibly in all its parts. Since this thought was too cruel, each turned to the person who was closest to one, and thus sought a hopefully comforting embrace. While Howard and Jason became a unit, Mark and Robbie did the same then Ayda joined the last pair and cried for a dead friend with the two.

 

However, just as Robbie thought back to it and he led this memory as a picture even before his eyes, which he unfortunately did repeatedly in recent days, joined to the one already shed tear another and thus testified how deep his grief for Gary really went away. He really loved him with all his heart ... and not just for about a month. To be perfectly honest, he had had these kinds of feelings towards Gary since the early nineties. But now that Gary was dead, and he simply did not want to admit it, he was more than painfully aware that he had wasted much of his precious time in talking too late and clarifying.

"Rob? ...Hey Rob? ...I know you're having a hard time, but we have to get started. Otherwise we'll come... " At some point, a voice next to Robbie became louder, demanding his attention.

As he was also gently grabbed by the associated person on his healthy shoulder and slowly turned around, Robbie looked shortly afterwards in two extremely compassionate eyes, which showed him any understanding of his grief.

"Oh Rob. …Come here. ...I know he meant a lot to you and saying goodbye to a friend is always hard, but eventually you'll get over it." Robbie was pulled into his wife's arms and tried to be comforted by her.

But it didn’t really help, quite the contrary. While Ayda still wanted to hold him down and calm him down with gentle pats, it hurt him more and more every second that she was not Gary. He would now comfort by him and let him say that he was still alive, than by his wife. Unfortunately, that proved impossible. Good god. Why could not the body found and charred a few days ago be that Matthew Reynolds, who now disappeared without a trace, instead of those of his small and more than beloved friend? Everything was just unfair. 

But now that Robbie could not get out of the sobbing and barely resist his tears, he immediately sought the next best and most self-protective stance that surrendered to him. When he realized that he was already in one, Robbie buried himself in Ayda's embrace as deeply as he could. This unbearable emptiness that Gary left in him now hurt him more than anything else. After all, among other things, he had just returned to the band because of him.

"Sssch. ...Everything’s okay, babe. Let it out. Cry all your pain away. ...Gary was really more than just a wonderful and kind-hearted person for who you cannot cry enough for afterwards. He’s every single tear worth. ...I... I know how you feel. I miss him too. ...And now come, your other friends are waiting for you. They need your help for this difficult walk." Ayda whispered to him sensitively and in a very gentle voice, while she was crying herself.  
"No. I ...I... I cannot do that."  
"Standing in front of the grave of a very good friend and saying goodbye to him is always difficult, but don’t you want to at least pay him his last respects? ...He would have wanted you to ..."  
"You have no idea about anything. Neither how difficult it’s really is for me or how I feel! ...You do not feel guilty about him just because you've made his life to hell for years, even though you've always loved him. Or because your conscience is plaguing you, that’s you haven’t done enough for him and are therefore not completely innocent of his death. ...And if this stupid bitch Nicky had not been and had thrown Gary on his neck, we would both today not married to each other and my relationship with Gary, would also look very different! So don’t tell me that you know what it's all about inside of me." Robbie suddenly became loud and let himself be tempted by his turmoil and deep-seated grief into a nasty explosion that revealed much more than just his entire interior.

After he had pushed away from Ayda, he tried not too disappointed, frustrated, self-hating and desperate to come over. Of course he did not succeed. His tears, which flowed now completely uninhibited over his face, spoke a much too clear language. But when he couldn’t look Ayda in her eyes for a second longer, Robbie suddenly ran out of the room head over heels and was no longer visible.

 

But instead of hiding somewhere on his own estate, after a good half or even three-quarters of an hour, Robbie finally found himself completely out of breath on a completely different one, where he was taken just a week ago a very important part of his life. Actually, he would now have to be with his living friends and, after four of them had even had to play _Rule The Word_ , wear Gary to his grave. But that was something that Robbie couldn’t do at all. Neither to pay him the last respects and accompany him to his grave site, nor to sing any Take That song while he wasn’t even involved. No. He couldn’t even muster the necessary strength in the least. While he himself had already died, the still existing and pungent smell of the explosion rose to his nose and reminded Robbie how he wanted to plunge himself into the flames for his little friend and then was painfully pulled to the ground by the boys, although this was a pain but nothing to the next. The loss of Gary hurt him more than anything he ever felt in his life.

Resting on his right leg and gasping for air, Robbie cast a very cautious glance to the front, where now stood only a completely burned-out, demolished and uninhabitable building. This sight brought tears to Robbie's eyes once more, and when he finally got his breath back, he slowly made his way to that half ruin. When he reached them, Robbie carefully put his hand on a stagnant wall, closed his eyes for a moment, and tried to fill that awful void with a few good memories of Gary. But the few and also recent pictures that opened before him did not help Robbie at all. Still, he floated in a very dark, icy-cold and dead quiet room, where for him not even the smallest spark of life opened. It seemed like everything was lost and so Robbie quickly got the feeling that his dead friend was getting more and more away from him.

But before his thoughts condensed into a gray veil and every single image threatened to fade to all eternity, he fell into a trance-like state and was guided by an invisible force through a field of rubble. When he finally stopped in the middle and his clouded and empty eyes were directed to the ground, Robbie fell the next moment already on his knees. For a few seconds, he still could hold a reasonably upright position. But when he was soon grabbed by all the emotions, Robbie lost his last powers visibly and so he took, with both hands in front of his face, the final fall to ground.

"Why? Why did you have to leave me right now? …Why? ...Gaz. Please. Forgive me that I had never been the friend you needed ...and that I was responsible for your death. ...If I'm not ...,... then that would never have happened ...and you ...you... still alive!" Robbie cried more than bitterly.

 

Even while Robbie was plagued by the worst pain and his eyes were crying out, the world ceased to exist for him. Any meaning in it was now lost forever. Nothing made more sense. Why would he want to live on his own when he was not even granted the most recent and beautiful memories of Gary? It was to despair. Besides, he had never really found the courage and had the chance, at least through the flower, to carefully reveal his true feelings to him. In addition, he did not even know how Gary had looked at him in the last two or three years. What his true feelings really were for him. Robbie would have loved to know more than anything else what role he had played in his life. As well as in the nineties, as well as in the present time. But that was something Gary had taken to the grave, keeping him a well kept secret for all his life.  
Since Robbie had calmed down a little bit by now and after what felt like an eternity, he retreated to the last position he had taken and pulled his hands off his face. With swollen and reddish eyes, which are still clouded and watery, Robbie looked more than battered to the ground and wondered how he should lead his life without a real piece of memory of Gary. All the many pictures that found their way in the depths of the Internet did not really give him the comfort he could build on. He needed something material that had a personal value for him. But Robbie could forget that. Everything had disappeared with the explosion and therefore nothing could be found here. As far as he could see, there was only rubble and ashes. The moment another tear fought his way across his cheek, he noticed something that he had not seen for ages and had fallen into oblivion. Robbie couldn't believe it that was ... Yes. That was clearly the ring he had given Gary to say goodbye when he turned his back to Take That. The meaning that it still existed and until recently had been in Gary's possession, though he did not even seem to have it over his heart to throw away, filled him with pride and could not be denied a small smile. He had also liked him with all his heart. As soon as he held the ring in his fingers, Robbie immediately felt a pleasantly warm shudder and so the coldness of the ice escaped inside him, which until recently had his heart firmly under control and now, with the help of the ring, slowly again filled with life. After he had easily put the ring on one of his fingers, he was already flooded by the most beautiful and colorful pictures that Robbie has so far only seen in black and white or not at all. Pictures, that one shows only them together. So that he could banish all those wonderful memories of his best friend and secret love for all time in his heart, he sat with his back to the pitiful remains of a wall, gazing for a moment into the no longer rainy and present clear blue one Heaven and closed his eyes. With a series of memories and images in his heart, the loss of Gary was not as painful as usual. The pain subsided, and at last, though it was still hard for him, finally made it to say goodbye to his friend. But Robbie also knew that a goodbye was not forever and he would see him again someday. So he had to think along the way of a very specific song, what he had worked with Gary and of course the other three guys, to the beginning of this story here. ... **Don‘t Say Goodbye!**

 

_Don’t stay where you are not loved / Those people obscure the view / But if I’ve done my Job / They won’t wanna mess with you  
Finding some romances / A place where you exist / Live with your mother’ smile / But see you through daddy’s eyes Don't say goodbye to the world / Until you've loved somebody / Don't say goodbye to the world / Until you've lived like kings and Queens / I'll be the first, the last thing that you see / But don't say goodbye to me_

 

**THE END...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are not too disappointed with me now that I end this story in such a tragic way. Thanks to all my readers who have read this fanfiction. It was really not easy for me to write these and translate it into the English. Although my English is not the best, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. So I would be really happy if you appreciate all my work and shows me with this last chapter also.


End file.
